Reply #155: okay, after reading this whole [View All]

thread, I must say I'm a bit taken aback by the hostility on both sides. There have been some valid points raised though. I have a perspective on this from a bit of both ends actually. Was a single mom for MANY years, never recieved child support for the 4 that I had. However, because those relationships ended, and I might add with anger, doesn't mean that I would've nor did I ask my children to see their dads as rotten. I kept that to myself, and let THEM make the choices when they got older. For the first two, had court ordered support and recieved ONE payment of $10. That's right, $10 per week, for a grand total of $40 a month. Over the years, lost contact with the man. He knew where my parents were, so could have easily found us had he wanted to. Well, he finally made contact with the oldest two. Interestingly enough, now that they have reestablished some form of a relationship, I am now the bad guy for the one child, but the other is more cautious and actually REMEMBERS that I did not talk shit about his dad, no matter what the provocation. The second one, well, he disappeared, I never saw any money, and went on. That's fine. Enter the third SO/hubby. Has three children from a prior marriage. Took on my FIVE as his own, and never pressured me to look up and/or enforce any child support. Was never an issue. Now turn it around to the OTHER side. His ex, and her husband, aggressively pursued him for child support. Now, the thing is, he never objected to paying the support, but she was always using the children as a cudgel. Not allowing visitation, etc. That went on for YEARS. Finally, the oldest reached age 18 and decided to find out for HERSELF just what the hell was going on, and to actually MEET with her dad, which had not been allowed for 12 years. Don't get me started on this "underemployed" bs either. Do you REALIZE how many people are underemployed, not because they choose it, but because the only jobs out there are what we are able to get? Anyway, he was paying full support even after they reached 18 because of arrearages (loss of job a few times and arrearages build up awful fast). The oldest of this three is turning 27 this May. Guess what? It took ALL THIS TIME to get it to where he was only paying the arrearage, not the arrearage plus the full support amount. We've both always worked, by the way, at whatever kind of job was available. The way the support was calculated for him was off the GROSS income, and no other expenses were factored in. Paying the full support plus arrearage put a significant dent into our incomes, but it was paid. At times, paid at the expense of rest of us. So ya know? there are two sides to everything. ALWAYS. This system is broken beyond belief.