Reply #11: Chicago is like a Hell on Earth to me. [View All]

I spent Christmases there for four years in a row, after my mother married a guy in Chicago. Perfect in the summer. Bu then, once those Chicgoland bastards have gotten you hooked, they say, "It's winter! Time to play with the snowblower"

My first morning, I looked out the window at the thermometer and said, "Hey, I think your themometer is broken. It's says it's UNDER zero?"

They said, "No, negative five's about right for this time of year."

I said, "Negative? You mean zero's not the bottom?"

Later, when the sun rose, I said, "Something's wrong with your lake."

"What do you mean?" they asked.

"They're are people on it. Does it dry up the less humid it gets?"

"No. That's what happen when it freezes."

"Freezes? What do you mean? How does an entire lake freeze? Then where are the people walking?"

"On the top of the lake. It's frozen, like the ice in the freezer."

"OHHHhhhh. I get it now." I didn't, but said I did.

You know how your kitten reacted the first time it saw snow? As if it was saying to itself, "WTF is THAT?" That's how I feel when the temperature gets below forty. Describing my life experience to a Canadian is like an African explaining his paradigm to Drs. Stanley and/or Livingstone.

I still might do it, though -- Canada's the best place I've ever visited. It's like Utah without Mormons :).