Reply #169: On comparisons between breastfeeding and public sex. [View All]

I'm not saying anyone should agree with me, but here's what I reckon, for whatever that's worth.

The reason public sex (or urination) seems a reasonable comparison to make is as follows: the discussion of socially appropriate breastfeeding practices is just one specific instance of general culture-bound norms. From what I've seen, people seem inclined to describe their own opinion (and that's what it is) as though it was somehow based in biological reality or "common sense".

It's not. Your opinion of what is socially appropriate is *learned*. That includes your opinion of public sex, of public urination, of whether women (or men) should keep a covering on their head, and on and on. When a comparison is made between something you're comfortable with (say public breastfeeding), and something you're not comfortable with (say public urination or public sex), it's easy to become offended ("breastfeeding is not dirty (or perverse), how dare you compare it with urination (dirty) or public sex (the other kind of dirty)? It's offensive!").

But I would hope people could see that neither sex nor urination nor uncovered heads are inherently immoral or dirty (no I don't drink my pee, but there are yogis that do ~ unnless you've got a UTI, your urine is sterile). Different cultures obviously have different traditions, and a muslim woman, or a male sikh might feel raped to have their head covering removed in public, even though it wouldn't bother me at all. I'm not right or wrong, and neither are they. Get this - while most americans think of medieval europe as super inhibited (sexually), the fact is that in many locations it was common for the entire family to sleep in one large bed, and yes, that's where copulation occurred, with their kids right there in the bed with mom and dad. Here and now, that would land you in prison - but it's not biologically right or wrong, even though most modern americans would be deeply uncomfortable admitting that, because it's just icky, ok?).

So it seems to me that meaningful communication is much less likely when one side is making a biological argument, and the other side is making a cultural argument. Like science and religion, they have different areas where they are meaningful, but just don't work if they try to reach outside that area of applicability, and you're not going to convince the other person, because you're not even having the same conversation.

It would behoove us to consider when we're making a such biological argument (which it seems to me one could use to make a reasonable case in favor of public breastfeeding), and when we're making cultural arguments (and let's face it, we all bear the marks of our own cultural indoctrination - hell, I like my segregated bathrooms at least as well as you do).

Society is just a club, and we can make the rules whatever we want them to be ~ but let's not kid ourselves into thinking that what we're comfortable with is somehow less arbitrary and subjective than what the other person is comfortable with. If you think public breastfeeding is no problem but think full public nudity by choice is somehow "inherently", "obviously" or "biologically" different, you are kidding yourself in just such a manner. No one can force you to sit back and challenge your own attitudes, but you might be serving your own best interests as a continually learning and growing human being, to just take a moment sometime and think about the boundaries of your own comfort zone, how you came to draw the boundaries there, and then to imagine how someone might draw them differently with a different life experience than yours. If you have never tried to believe (I mean really internalize, not just for the purpose of finding fault with the other) something you do not currently believe, it can be deeply enlightening.

And if you read this far, I just want to say thanks for being interested enough to listen to a stranger's opinion ~ if everyone displayed that openness to listening, these debates would be much more useful (and civil). Peace and fulfillment to you.