Reply #28: I had to post the following from the comments section attached to the article [View All]

I apologize in advance to any male who is offended by this, but I think this is the crux of what the researchers must have found.

Julie

>Sure, Erica, I used to think that way. Then I realized that having a child was going to be an important part of my life, so I did.

Five horrible years later, after five years of taking care of a man who who was sweet and wonderful and promptly descended into mental illness, I am a single mother and much happier. The thing is, though, that while much of the happiness has to do with decreased caregiving stress and fear, much is also the same happiness I found after splitting up with other live-ins. I am no longer playing maid to a grown man.

I don’t wash a man’s laundry anymore. I don’t clean his zillion hairs off the bathroom floor. I don’t pay attention to his family, I don’t send the thank yous and keep the calendar, I don’t prod him to go to the doctor and think about how to build a social life that gets him involved. I don’t plan things that help him build his relationship with his daughter. I don’t keep track of what needs to be done in the house, wait patiently while a man says he’ll take care of it, call in help after months and then assuage a man’s injured pride. I don’t watch a grown man sit by as I plan all the family activities and make them happen.

And I was married to a nice guy. I’ve watched, at dinner parties, as progressive, “good” guys berated their wives for not cooking dinner well enough. These would be the same women who took care of the children and worked fulltime.

It’s a big difference, not taking care of a man. Life is much nicer now. My 4-year-old has just asked if she can be my “dryer” tonight, and stand by me drying dishes.

And yes, I spend more hours working now. But I get paid well and appreciated for my work, and it’s useful on a cv. It helps me. Wife work? Girlfriend work? Forget it, never again. If I ever do take up with a guy again, he can keep and live in his own place, and be content with my never taking an interest in his family.

— Posted by amy<