Reply #26: I'd probably wonder if he were narcissistic ... and if so, how much. [View All]

It's my experience that those who exhibit little or no sincere interest in others (excpet, perhaps, for entertainment value) are, at a minimum, inconsiderate. It often shows up when exchanging gifts (birthdays, etc.) when such people demonstrate zero comprehension of the individual tastes, interests, or preferences of the recipient. It shows up in suggested venues for socialization - restaurants, movies, etc. A generous and considerate person is interested in others, not for appearances sake but out of genuine appreciation for the humanity and individuality of others. It shows up in the little unconcious behaviors ... looking around when stopping to converse, just to insure that others aren't inconvenienced bu where they stand. Inconsiderate people block aisles, doorways, and sidewalks as they pursue their own transient interests, clueless about the ways in which others might be inconvenienced. So, I watch for such behaviors - where 'attaboys' and back-patting don't motivate the facade of virtue.

I would also question whether my discomfort were a product of my own narcissism. To some degree, we all like folks to think about us - and treat it as a quid pro quo. I don't like thinking I'm "keeping score" but am sensitive enough to it that I know that somewhere in my psyche I react to imbalance.


I sometimes think of "Bronx Tale" and the advice given to our protagonist, Calogero, by Chazz Palminteri's character, Sonny, about women that are 'real deal' ... For me, this is iconic of "considerate" ... not for the credit but out of true, innate consideration. It's what we do when nobody's watching. It's what we do when we have NO EXPECTATION of being thanked - or even having our behavior noticed. That's when it counts.