My fellow Americans, I killed your sons & daughters to make my buddies richer. [View All]

I've ordered the deaths of over half a million innocent Iraq men, women and children so that my dad and dick cheney could retire with even more billions in the bank, I've decreed over 4000 soldiers into their graves IN VAIN, and I've got the whole fucking world pissed off at America forever. Also, our economy is on the brink of disaster, and the price of oil is higher than ever, thanks to the people who write my speeches.

But all these dead soldiers and dead Iraqis and all the dead in Afghanistan have been worth it, because me and dick are really raking it in, huge profits, we are absolutely swimming in cash every day, seriously, we are making profits like you wouldn't believe, so thanks for offering your sons and daughters for such a noble cause.

I can promise however, that even more soldiers will have to die in vain, because no matter how many trillions in profits we war profiteers make off all this misery, it's just never enough, really, we just want more and more and more till you've all been bled dry, that's how little we give a fuck about you all.

I will soon plan my retirement, and multi-million dollar library, and I will hire hacks to re-write my legacy of failure and greed and mass murder, and I will get away with it all, Scott free, as if I were some sort of a hero instead of the biggest asshole and idiot that ever wasted a breath.

Future republican liars and revisionists will recall the 8 years of my presidency as the greatest years ever for America, they'll say that I saved all of you from terrorists, that I made America safe again, that I've brought democracy to the middle east once and for all, and they'll say that I was really a swell guy.

So in conclusion my fellow Americans, fuck all of you, I got mine, and now I'm packing it up and retiring in baronial splendor to Kennebunkport, Maine on the heavily guarded bush crime family compound. Thanks for all your money and sacrifices, now go eat shit and die.

And may God continue to bless America.