Reply #5: There's a big reason I feel sorry for men. [View All]

They learn from childhood that they will be expected to get a job capable of supporting not only themselves, but a wife and children, should their wives "opt" not to work.

As women, we learn from childhood that working is an option for us. We can either choose to work or choose not to (assuming we marry a man who makes enough money that we need not work). No one will look down on us if we choose not to work. If we have a job with which we can support only ourselves, that's fine. And if a father abandons his kids and forces us to support them alone, at least the societal scorn he will suffer will be huge, whether or not he legally ever has to contribute a dime. And if it takes two salaries for a husband and wife to support their family, that's considered unfortunate.

Of course, women get it coming the other way. We're assumed to all want children; it's assumed that we'll take primary care for them unless their father is willing to take on at least some of it; it's assumed that we'll make whatever adjustments are necessary in our careers to raise them, as opposed to their father making any adjustments (unless he chooses to); we're assumed to be the cleaners and the organizers, the ones who will remember to mop the floor, pack the lunches, send the birthday cards, etc.

All this is default. If a woman chooses to work and a man chooses to stay home, or if the man splits household chores with the woman, or if the man chooses to be an involved father, or is highly organized and remembers his kids' personal food tastes, teachers' names and medical histories, that's considered optional or exceptional.

I am just not that organized and I just don't love domesticity as much as women are supposed to, and I never have. If I were ever to have children, I'd need a wife to be their "mother," because I don't think I could do it.