http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.aspSunnis, Shiites and Kurds Report Worrisome Weight Gains Since U.S. Invasion Hopes for a new Iraqi constitution suffered a major setback today as Iraqis rejected American-style democracy, fearing that it could usher in American-style obesity in its wake.
The decision to scuttle democracy as a way of avoiding obesity was announced by the Shiite leader Abdul-Aziz Hakim in a press conference in Baghdad.
“If, by embracing democracy, Iraqis will all become obese like those Americans you see at their Walmart, then we will have none of it,” Mr. Hakim said, vehemently pounding his fist on the table.
At the White House, spokesman Scott McClellan said that the U.S. would soon send dispatch a representative to Iraq “to assure the Iraqi people that democracy and obesity do not necessarily go hand in hand.”
While Mr. McClellan indicated that such a representative had not yet been chosen, he told reporters, “It probably won’t be Cheney.”