Jesus Bans 'Christian' Group (Dobson) by Mark Morford

Jesus Bans 'Christian' Group
Shocking announcement sends militant Focus on the Family organization into crazed tailspin
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Friday, December 9, 2005


In an astonishing but not completely unexpected announcement, Jesus H. Christ, vice president and CFO of All That Is Inc., appeared today on a large tortilla at a roadside taco stand in Zacatecas, Mexico, to announce that, effective immediately, the pseudo-Christian group Focus on the Family, led by Dr. James Dobson and best known for its blazing hatred of gays and its fear of glimpsing the human female nipple during nationally televised sporting events, is effectively banned from His Divine Beneficence.

"What happened was, the heavens and all spirits of goodness, along with Buddha and Shiva and Allah and Kali and a few others, well, we were having some margaritas and playing poker and tossing around recent headlines, when Allah chimed in that this Focus on the Family group -- a real scab on my big toe for years, I gotta tell you -- well, they just decided to yank all their accounts from a bank over the bank's support of gay rights," said Jesus, dressed in black Diesel jeans, Hugo Boss motorcycle boots and a snug tank top featuring a large OM symbol across the chest.

"J-Dog," as he is known to his friends, was referring, of course, to the recent story about how the militant, Colorado-based "Christian" group has just pulled all its accounts from Wells Fargo Bank after learning that the bank had donated a small sum of money to gay rights causes, including GLAAD, a sum totaling about $50,000, or about one-tenth of what Wells Fargo gave to the GOP last year.

The Christ, apparently, had had enough.


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http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/morford/

Hilarious and always right on the mark

oh my--the fundies are going to have a melt-down

You're right, the fundies would go into apoplexy if they read this, but they probably have a bigger ban on Mark than they do on the female nipple. It's a riot, though, isn't it!!

checking his archives right now.

That's the best laugh I've had in awhile. My colleagues at the office are probably wondering why I'm chortling out loud at my desk. Go Jesus!

to do it again.