TOM FRIEDMAN'S NEW BOOK: THE WORLD IS FLATULENT

Thomas Friedman, the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist of The New York Times, has finally come out with his long-anticipated sequel on the global economy, The World Is Flatulent. Here is a transcript of his interview with CNN's Larry King:

Larry: Tom, what inspired you to write this book?

Tom: You know, Larry, as people in places like China and India get wealthier and eat richer foods, they're starting to "pass" the U.S. in methane production.

Larry: And why should we be concerned about that?

Tom: Well, Larry, this has deeply troubling implications. You see, not only will they be taking all of our high-tech jobs -- but they'll also be getting the lion's share of bookings on the Howard Stern Show.

Larry: So would you say there's been an "explosion" in the third world?

Tom: That's right, Larry. While people have been fixated on Bush's nuclear deal with India, the truth is, the flatulence problem on the Indian subcontinent has been going on right under our nose. So you see, it's not their consumption of fossil fuels that's the real problem.

Larry: Do you think we're gonna' be able to compete?

Tom: That's the real question for the 21st Century. Used to be, Larry, that if a kid in Beijing or New Delhi wanted to learn how to make fart noises, he'd have to attend Harvard or MIT. Now, he can wake up in his own bed, and basically tele-fart without ever having to leave his own village.

Larry: And in India, since cows are sacred, that's even without the benefit of eating dairy products.

Tom: Excellent point, Larry. It just further illustrates their ability to innovate.

Larry: It's a whole new world.

Tom: With the miracle of fiber optics, a fart that used to take nine seconds to cross a room, can now cross oceans in a nano-second.

Larry: Allright, let's take some calls for Tom Friedman -- Hello, Bangalore, you're on the air.

Bangalore:

Tom: That's exactly my point, Larry -- the proof is literally in the pudding.

Larry: Hello, Bababooey, you're on the air.

Bababooey: Flaflaflooey! Flaflaflooey!

Tom: I rest my case -- unless we start to upgrade our school systems, we just won't be able to compete anymore.

Larry: Hello, Dallas, you're on the air.

Ross Perot: Hello, Larry? See, Larry, this is exactly what I've been tellin' ya' since 1992 -- but you just won't listen. Can I finish? Can I just finish?

Larry: Go ahead, Ross, I haven't interrupted you.

Ross: Ya' see, Larry, that giant sucking sound you hear, are all our farts goin' to places like India and China.

Larry: OK, Tom. On another subject, what do you think about the situation in the Middle East?

Tom: As long as these Arab societies remain dependent on oil exports, and can't learn the skill sets to compete in the world of modern methane production, we're just looking at an endless cycle of constipation.

Larry: Do you think political reform will necessarily follow economic reform?

Tom: For the most part, but there'll still be a problem of "Fartwas."

Larry: And what about the continuing chaos in Iraq?

Tom: The Bush Administration violated the first rule of international affairs: "If you break wind in a foreign country, you own it."

Larry: Isn't that the Pottery Barn Rule?

Tom: No, just the Smelly Old Barn Rule.

Larry: And you also address the issue of immigration reform.

Tom: My position, Larry, is that if we want to wean ourselves off foreign oil, in favor of alternatives like natural gas, why not encourage immigration from the very people who eat only Mexican food.

Larry: But you also say it'll take more than that to solve our energy problem.

Tom: That's right; we need a modern day equivalent of a "Manfarttan Project." In fact, if in the days after 9/11, Bush had taken that bullhorn away from his mouth, and stuck it at his other end, I think we'd all be a lot better off today.

Larry: Well, that does it for our show. We want to thank our guest, and be sure to tune in tomorrow night, when I'll be speaking with James Frey about his new memoir, My Life on the Front Lines in the War of 1812.

:rofl:

That's GREAT!

I'll pass, thanks.

Well done!

He has Larry King down cold! This is the kind of inane banality that King would say!