What's Luck Got To Do (Got To Do) With It?

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Thu Jul-12-07 11:46 PM
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What's Luck Got To Do (Got To Do) With It?

It's Friday the 13th and bad luck for Bushbots. This week's hot blog topics: what Gonzales knew and when he knew it; Sen. Vitter has a diaper fetish (if that doesn't get him booted from the GOP, nothing will); sex, drugs and Candidate Rudolph; McCain runs out of Benjamins and commits a felony (more important, though: he doesn't want to "look gay"); Sanjay Gupta screws the pooch; and DUers HughBeaumont, WinkyDink and bunny planet tell it like it is.

Is there a single person alive today who's luckier than George W. Bush? By all rights, he shouldn't be anywhere near the Oval Office. Who could even trust him to empty the trash can? Bush is a seriously lucky bastard. But who then are the unlucky yins to Bush's perpetually lucky yang this week? Those who lie for him, wage senseless wars for him and kiss his ass on a daily basis, that's who. The list of loyal BushBots hung out to dry grew exponentially in the last few days. What the news networks covered, up the blogs (with a little help from Larry Flynt and the madams) exposed. Enjoy!

Lies, Smirks & Alberto Gonzales

This week, there's even more dirt on Gonzo. From Discourse.net:

More Dirt on Gonzales

Gonzales Knew About Violations, Officials Say

Two senior Justice Department officials said yesterday that they kept Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales apprised of FBI violations of civil liberties and privacy safeguards in recent years.

The two officials spoke in a telephone call arranged by press officials at the Justice Department after The Washington Post disclosed yesterday that the FBI sent reports to Gonzales of legal and procedural violations shortly before he told senators in April 2005: "There has not been one verified case of civil liberties abuse" after 2001.

It is a sign of how dysfunctional our government is that this man is still in office. (Not to mention that the same questions must be asked about Gonzales's boss.) The question presented is whether these are truly exceptional times, or whether the current crisis - the public's complete loss of trust in the government, the government's complete lack of interest in whether the public trusts it - is a sign of some deeper structural failing in our form of government.

Dysfunction? More like dumb luck. Speaking of dumb luck...

Sex, Drugs & Candidate Rudolph

First, his South Carolina state chair was indicted on cocaine charges (MyDD). Then, he spewed chunks trying to discuss medical marijuana and health care in general (Liberal Values Blog). Now, his Southern regional chair admitted using the DC Madam's services - along with the services of other paid sex workers in New Orleans (The Oxford Medievalist).

Tough luck, Rudy. Surrounding yourself with sleazebags? Hmm. To a Republican, it's probably better than no sleazebags at all...

Bad Luck: McCain's Lack Of Benjamins Or A "Gay" Sweater?

According to Jossip, McCain has about $2 million left.

When reached for comment, an anonymous "confidante" of John McCain's explained the shake-ups as a "practical need a leaner, focused, different campaign," then paused for a moment before adding, "it's all about the Benjamins, baby."

Bad luck, McCain? Or just bad Bush butt cheek-kissing? Or maybe it's those "gay sweaters" you hate to wear because your staff thinks they make you look younger. From Think Progress:

McCain dislikes wearing 'gay sweaters.'

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) reportedly is complaining about his aides forcing him to wear "gay sweaters" in order to look younger:

According to one insider, the knit-picking was the crescendo of a tirade by the Arizona senator, in which he blistered aides about the minutiae of the campaign. ... McCain reportedly declared his frustration with being told to don the perceived homosexual outerwear in order to look younger and more approachable.

It's July, Johnny Boy! Too damned hot for that "gay" sweater. And if you're worried about looking gay, you obviously have no idea how completely unappealing you are to gay people. Besides, worrying about looking gay is silly when you commit a freakin' felony. Bark Bark Woof Woof quotes the New York Times:

About 3 p.m. Tuesday, Senator John McCain ducked off the Senate floor, entered the Republican cloakroom and took out his mobile phone. Just hours after accepting the resignation of his two top campaign aides, he was making a conference call to his top fund-raisers to urge them to keep up the fight.

The call, however, may only have exacerbated an already tough week for Mr. McCain. Senate ethics rules expressly forbid lawmakers to engage in campaign activities inside Senate facilities. If Mr. McCain solicited campaign contributions on a call from government property, that would be a violation of federal criminal law as well.

Note the big-assed "IF?"

What's More Embarrassing Than Being Caught Buying Sex?

According to Wonkette, David Vitter likes to wear diapers:

When Republican Senator David Vitter rented prostitutes back home in New Orleans, there was "more than sex" - he liked the hookers to make him wear diapers.

Wonkette links to a YouTube video at Talking Points Memo and notes how it now takes the Vitter/Hooker hypocrisy to new levels of... well, weird.

Now we know why Vitter has gone to ground. And why the GOP has asked him to resign.

Wait! There's More!

According to the Canal Street Madam, her Republican clients asked to be spanked and torured. From Corrente:

Vitter's Madame: "Most of the clients who wanted to be dominated were Republicans."
Some of the fantasies at the Canal Street Brothel got a little rough. For those who liked that kind of stuff, there were whips, chains and a lot of leather. Jeanette says that most of the clients who wanted to be dominated were Republicans. She cracks a smile, then adds, "They wanted to be spanked and tortured and wear stockings - Republicans have impeccable taste in silk stockings - and these are the people who run our country."

Sigh. Your tax dollars at work again.

Good Luck, Bad Luck

Good luck: everyone wants it, of course. Bad luck: everyone blames it when things go terribly wrong. The Dilbert Blog takes on the (mal-)distribution of luck this week, and it's pretty funny:

I have a theory that everyone is born with a similar quantity of luck, but it's distributed unevenly over a lifetime. Some people have their bad luck early in life, followed by good luck for the rest of their lives, and vice versa. If someone "up there" is planning people's fates, a few of those decisions must have gone like this:

"You will have cancer, and one nut, but to even things out, I'll let you win the Tour de France a bunch of times, and hump Cheryl Crow until it gets boring."

"You will be poor, and sexually abused as a child. But to even things out, you'll be Oprah."

"You will be born to one of the richest families in America. You will be handsome and smart and eventually President of the United States. You will shag Marilyn Monroe and anything else with a skirt. But just to even things out, I'll have some guy shoot you in the head."

Dilbert continues with luck assessments for Senator John McCain (shit out of luck), Mitt Romney (running on luck fumes), and Senator Hillary Clinton (if Bill cheats again, her luck will soar).

Of course, Republicans can't leave something as important as "luck" to mere chance. They create it. Ellis Weiner at The Huffington Post explains how they do it:

Here's how. Follow this four-step formula:

1. Start with a contemptuously dismissive statement, not about the person worthy of contempt and dismissal (in this case, Sen. David Vitter, R. LA), but about the left's reasonable reaction to him. Use fancy words to show you're smart. Begin to smother the actual meaning of the event. For example:

The moonbat left is indulging in its usual paroxysms of ecstasy over the revealed imperfections of a Republican official whose most serious crime, apparently, is his public admission of sin.

Note that none of this sentence is true. This is essential. ("His public admission of sin" is not his most serious crime.) Extra points for "apparently," "it would seem," and other terms expressing both lofty amusement at the delusions of the mob, and the vague philosophical befuddlement of a person who, really, has more important things to think about. You don't actually want to comment on all this; the atrocious behavior of the left has forced you to.

Read the rest. Steps 2, 3, and 4 are even more illuminating. Now that you know how to write like a Republican, how about learning how to lie on TV like a Republican?

Sanjay Gupta Screws The Pooch

If you missed the sweeping saga of "Michael Moore Chews Up Wolf Blitzer & Sanjay Gupta" this week, Crooks and Liars has the original CNN "Let's pan 'Sicko'" video segments. Here's a transcript snippet from the... um, heated exchange (courtesy of Insignificant Thoughts):

DR. SANJAY GUPTA, CNN: "(Moore says) the United States slipped to number 37 in the world's health care systems. It's true. ... Moore brings a group of patients, including 9/11 workers, to Cuba and marvels at their free treatment and quality of care. But hold on - that WHO list puts Cuba's health care system even lower than the United States, coming in at #39."

THE TRUTH:

* "But hold on?" 'SiCKO' clearly shows the WHO list, with the United States at number #37, and Cuba at #39. Right up on the screen in big five-foot letters. It's even in the trailer! CNN should have its reporter see his eye doctor. The movie isn't hiding from this fact. Just the opposite:

CNN hid the facts on Cuba

As promised, Michael Moore.com has the entire rebuttal, including this little Gupta Gotcha:

CNN: "But no matter how much Moore fudged the facts, and he did fudge some facts..."

* This is libel. There is not a single fact that is "fudged" in the film. No one has proven a single fact in the film wrong. We expect CNN to correct their mistakes on the air and to apologize to their viewers.

And CNN's Paging Dr. Gupta Blog has the "I was minimally wrong" finale. The most hilarious part of the story? Sanjay got Gupta-ed (but good!) by his own over-zealous production staff, who were ultimately responsible for the words he read off the teleprompter.

Way to go, Gupta Go-getters! You've ruined the doctor's reputation and made more people curious about Michael Moore's film in less than 48 hours. By the way, be sure to use the good resume paper when you get Gupta-ed out the CNN door. As for you, Gupta: see the movie before you trust anyone to tell you how the film-maker "fudged the facts," fella.

Thank A DUer!

Thanks to HughBeaumont for noting:

Bewsh: the luckiest asshole on the planet.

Karma should be beating the living SHIT out of this guy by now.

But he remains in office, still making horrible country-killing decisions, still making our once-strong nation look like a horrific joke.

To WinkyDink for this hilarious description of serial liar Sara Taylor:

Time to give up the "Wish I looked like Julie Christie" hair.

Thanks to bunny planet for The Best Sara Taylor Testimony Quote:

new term from STaylor 'to the best of my acknowlegement'

Uh oh, your Freudian slip is showing Bushbot.

Thanks, DUers! You rock!

What's luck got to do with it? Good luck, bad luck. It's Friday, the 13th, y'all. Will BushBots hide in a hole or dump the really, really bad news today? The Magic 8-Ball says: "Remains to be seen." What's obvious, though, is the GOP's string of bad luck. We'd all laugh if their policies weren't so bleeping disastrous. Instead, we have to keep exposing those tightie righties! Start blogging, keep sending those great blog inks, and alert the corporate media when you read something explosive on a blog. And remember, luck has nothing to do with it.

-- Delilah Boyd

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PurpleChez

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Fri Jul-13-07 06:10 AM
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1. Diapers? I hadn't read about that!

Damn. Republican family values in action!

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BurtWorm

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Fri Jul-13-07 10:56 AM
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2. Delilah, you are the greatest!

:yourock:

You make Fridays even better than they already are.

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