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> It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and > > then -- just to loosen up. > > > > Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than > > just a social thinker. > > > I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it > > wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally > > I was thinking all the time. > > > That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off > > the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night > > at her mother's. > > > I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't > > mix,but I couldn't help myself. > > > I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir > > Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied > > confused,asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" > > > One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it > > hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If > > you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." > > > This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my > conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been > thinking..." > > > "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But > > Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower > > lip aquiver. > > > "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't > > make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" > > > "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. > > > She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to > > deal with the emotional drama > > > "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I > > headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into > > the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. > > They didn't open. The library was closed. > > > To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that > > night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a > > poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it > > asked. > > > You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers > > Anonymous poster. > > > This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. > > > I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non- educational > > video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how > > we avoided thinking since the last meeting. > > > I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just > > seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road > > to recovery is nearly complete for me. > > > Today I took the final step...I joined the Republican Party. >
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