Morford-Action Figures For Imbeciles

Action Figures For Imbeciles
It's the G.W. Bush "aviator" doll, just in time to degrade every notion of heroism, ever

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, August 22, 2003
©2003 SF Gate

URL: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=%2Fgate%2Farchive%2F2003%2F08%2F22%2Fnotes082203.DTL

Country's in shambles and economy's gutted and schools are shot and Iraq's a violent bloody mess and joblessness is rampant and it's a proud time indeed to be an American, and hence you might be asking yourself, what, pray what, can I give the hardcore lockstep pseudo-Christian homophobic Republican on my gift list? (Bush action figure)

-snip-
(here's the grace...)

Who will save the children from karmically poisonous toys? Who will save California from awful thick-necked actors who don't know a fiscal policy from a dumbbell? What sort of hero will rise up and resist this degrading onslaught, fight back the demons of ignorance and misinformation and BushCo lies and "I'll be back" moronism? Who, in short, will be the hero to conquer all this bogus heroism?

The answer is easy. The answer is right there, in front of you, in you. Don your intellectual armor, grab your divine sword, get ready to go deep, lose a dogmatic limb, gain astounding insights, win the accolades of the universe, endure the sneers of the uptight and the deluded and the asexual and the flag waving and the ultraconservative and the Ashcroftian and the terminally pissed off.

Because the hero you most need? It's you. Simple, really.

There is NO finer wordsmith than Morford. I know I say that every week, but...

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LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.