Iraqi Elections: Day 1 of Civil War

Bush is so grateful for the Tsunami disaster. He gets to act like he cares about foreigners and give his brother Jeb a press pass in Indonesia to practice his presidential lip pursing. 16 people killed in an everyday suicide bombing in Iraq seems so insignificant compared to 150,000 killed in a day. As the Tsunami horrors reach shocking new heights in the news (“Some kids got orphaned and lost their homes and village—let’s go rape them!”), all Bush has to chirp about Iraq is that it’s all leading up to…the Elections!

Come on, we couldn’t pull off national elections without disenfranchising minority voters, uncountable electronic votes piling up like spam, and widespread fraud even during a recount. Is it going to be much better with 300 tons of missing munitions going off around the polling places? What candidate could make a difference in power anyway? It’s only going to be another American puppet that was cheated in, with no army to back up his authority. Only the U.S. occupying force as a pretense of his authority. Of course, authority means actually governing, creating infrastructure, caring for civilians, preventing them from being blown up by their neighbors, or abducted in the middle of the night by their occupiers to be tortured and photographed because some white bread teenagers can’t tell the difference between them and the other brown people blowing stuff up.

With the Sunnis refusing to participate in this election, it will have as much binding legitimacy as a Model UN meeting. There’s already talk of allowing some token Sunni seats in the government no matter what the outcome of the votes, missing the whole point. Election Day in Iraq will be the start of Civil War. With one faction empowered, and the other clearly armed to the teeth and blowing shit up every day across the country, a disenfranchising election is the legitimacy needed for an Official, Gentlemen-Start- Your-Engines-Civil War.

(see the rest of this article and other satire about Gay Rights, Gonzales, and our running tab at Pottery Barn at <http://toolz.blogs.com/> )