Summing It Up (joke)

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post
turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid ba***rd get down."

As President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the
> White House, he is carrying a baby pig under each arm.
>
>
> The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says:
> "Nice pigs,sir."
>
>
> The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are
> authentic Texas Razorback Hogs. I got one for
> Vice-President Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld."
>
>
> The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says,
> "Nice trade, sir"
>
>

Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips,
President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?" The man never answered but just kept staring ahead.Again the President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just kept staring ahead, never answering the president.


Soon a secret service agent came along and President Bush grabbed him and said, "Doesn't this man look like Moses to you?" The secret service agent agreed with the President. "Well," said the President, "Every time I say his name, he just keeps staring ahead and refuses to speak. Watch!" Again, the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man stared ahead.

The secret service man went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?" The man leaned over and whispered, "Yes, I am Moses." The secret service agent whispered back, "Why don't you answer the President?"


Moses replied: " The last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert!.

:)

George Bush goes swimming in the Patomic, but he's just eaten, gets a cramp and starts to drown.
Three boys on shore see him drowning, and swim out to rescue him.

After the rescue, President Bush says "boys, I owe you. Ask for what you like, and I'll see what I can do!"

The first boy says "I'd like to get into the Air Force Acadamy!"
And President Bush says "I'll call Rumsfeld and arrange it."

The second boy says "I'd like a high paying job"
Bush says "I'll call Cheney and get something set up."

The third boy says "I'd like to be buried at Arlington."
And the President looks at him in shock "Why, you look healthy as a horse, why do you need to be buried?"
"When my dad finds out who I rescued..."

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing
surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on
into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."