The Department of Homeland Decency is forming a Decency Posse in your home town. Could you be one of the few, the proud, the decent?
Not every American has what it takes to join The Decency Posse. Do you? These days, degeneracy is everywhere. Do you avoid art? When you are enjoying conjugal relations, do you pray that you won't enjoy them too much? Do you have a list of people you hope go to Hell?
If you answered yes to those questions, you might be what The Decency Posse is looking for. Take this short quiz to see if you could be one of the few, the proud, the decent. (And a word here to the indecent: answer honestly, because we will know if you don't. The Department of Homeland Decency always knows. We have ways of making everyone talk.)
When your neighbor's drapes are shut, do you:
Feel left out.
Want to pound on their door and ask them what they've got to hide.
Call the Department of Homeland Decency anonymously and report them.
Who is most likely to go to Hell?
That tattooed college student with the purple hair down the street who probably does drugs.
The neighbor with the peace sign in the front yard.
Teresa Heinz Kerry because she isn't Laura Bush.
What would make America a more decent country?
If more Americans had conjugal relations in the missionary position.
If everyone watched The O'Reilly Factor and then took a test so we'd know they paid attention.
If little girls could grow up to be like Laura Bush and little boys could grow up to be good law-abiding, Muslim fighting special op soldiers.
How should America punish indecent broadcasters?
$500,000 fines.
Community service
Make them attend church with Mel Gibson's father.
Complete the following: I would be glad to go to Hell if I could _____
Beat up just one liberal who said the world isn't safer without Saddam in it
Utter a string of profanities at one of those activist judges who are destroying America.
Get one more good look at Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction.
Who is your favorite American president?
Karl Rove
Dick Cheney
Donald Rumsfeld
Which of the following is a good reason to have a concealed gun in church?
God told me to pack heat.
Satan told me to pack heat.
In case a few liberals show up and need to be straightened out.
If we could add to the 10 Commandments, what would you like the new commandment to say?
Thou shalt not have to go to Hell for beating up a liberal.
Thou shalt not give out condoms in schools
Thou shalt not keep John Ashcroft from looking at your medical records.
You don't have to send your answers to the Decency Posse. We already know how you answered. The correct answer to each question was "2." Did you answer them all correctly? If so, you might be one of the few, the proud, the decent and you can expect us to come by your house to talk to you. If you didn't answer all items correctly, you are not decent. You too can expect us to come by your house to talk to you.
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