http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,1054430,00.htmlI've come up with a bunch of suggestions for how we can enlarge our majority by reaching out to our RINO friends and relatives. Some of them will require a bit of humility on your part. Many of them, I'm convinced, will work.
1. First and foremost, assure your conservative friends or relatives that you do not want their money. You do not want them to make less money, nor do you want them to lose what money they have.
2. Second, every political argument you make must be about them and for them. They base every decision on "How does this benefit ME?" Instead of fighting this self-centredness, just go with it, embrace it, feed it.
3. Journey into the mind of the conservative. What you will encounter is fear. Fear of crime. Fear of enemies. Fear of change. Fear of people not exactly like them. And, of course, fear of losing any money on anything.
Tell him how dependable conservatives are. When you need something fixed, you call your redneck brother-in-law, don't you? You yourself can't fix a damn thing - and neither can any of your whiny liberal friends. Also, when you need a job, who hires you? The conservative who owns the business, that's who. And if you need someone beaten up, that bully who's been picking on you, you certainly aren't going to ask your uncle at the Unitarian church to do it for you. You never know when you're going to need that conservative relative.
5. Admit that the left has made mistakes. Ouch. This is a tough one. But, if you admit that, on occasion, you have been wrong, it's easier for the other person to consider what they have been wrong about, too.
Drugs are bad. They fuck you up, slow you down and ruin your daily existence. Even though Nancy Reagan can kiss my ass, you really should just say no.
It's really a bad idea to have sex before you're 18. OK, maybe I'm just jealous because I had to wait until I was 32. None the less, the price to pay for teenage sex is pretty high - unwanted pregnancy, disease, and ending up with one ear bigger than the other because it's always cocked toward the front door in case the parents come home early.
People who commit violent crimes should be locked up. Dangerous people should not be out on the street. Yes, they should get help. Yes, they should get rehabilitation. Yes, we should look for ways to reduce the root causes of crime. But no one has the right to assault you or rip you off, and if you can't bring yourself to show at least an ounce of outrage against those who would harm you, then you just look like a wimp or a nut to most normal people. In fact, I want to assault you right now.
Not all unions are good and, in fact, many of them are just plain lousy. If you belong to one of the lazy, ineffective unions who are in bed with management or Bush, then you need to get your sorry ass down to the next union meeting and run for office.
Getting back to nature is a dumb idea. Nature doesn't want you anywhere near it. That's why nature created cities.
Nixon was more liberal than the last five presidents we've had. His administration opened up a dialogue with China. He was instrumental in establishing affirmative action in hiring and protecting the rights of women. He was the first president to sign agreements on nuclear weapons control. Nixon was responsible for the 1970 Clean Air Act. He also attempted a type of welfare reform that would have guaranteed an income for the poor. Nixon still should have been run out of office, and the millions of dead in south-east Asia will haunt him throughout eternity. But to think that he was the last "liberal" in office just makes me want to puke.
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