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A letter from the front lines of the War on Christmas!

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Career Prole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:01 PM
Original message
A letter from the front lines of the War on Christmas!
A snippet...


...I stumbled around with the rest of the shoppers. Everyone was in a daze, bumping into each other. I don't think any of us knew what to do, except just keep shopping, but I could tell everyone was thinking what I was. But I wasn't ready to see the DVD player prices, and I lost it.

"FIFTEEN FUCKING PERCENT OFF?", I shouted. (Sorry for the language. This war has screwed us all up) -- "FIFTEEN FUCKING PERCENT? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CELEBRATING THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR HERE, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS A FUCKING FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF?"

I knew then that I was among heathens, and I dropped all the DVDs and batteries and stuff that I had scooped up, and just left. I swear, some days I don't understand what this war is even about.

Over and over it's the same. Every damn store. Some of them just say "Happy Holidays" out front, and I don't even go in. Most say Merry Christmas, but even then, it rings hollow. If they really were celebrating Jesus, they'd have more lights. The music would be louder. The giant inflatable snowmen would be bigger, and there'd be more of them. There was one place that had a little nativity scene, and that was cool, but the baby Jesus was laying in a manger and instead of straw, they had little optical fibers that glowed all sorts of different colors. But sometimes it glowed RED, because that was one of the colors in the cycle, and when that happened it looked like they were trying to barbecue the Baby Jesus and I had to leave...

More here


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sniffa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:09 PM
Response to Original message
1. bwahahaha
:rofl:
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YOY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:10 PM
Response to Original message
2. Please tell me this is some kind of sarcastic joke...
Although little surprises me.
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Career Prole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:11 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. It's satire...and a good one!
:D
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YOY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 09:55 PM
Response to Reply #3
10. Yes I thought it was, but with the mind of a freeper what could be viewed
as serdious by them could be viewed as satire on their creepy mindset by us.
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:26 PM
Response to Original message
4. what is a prole?
forgive me if I am an idiot
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Career Prole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 07:02 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. I've read many of your posts here...you're certainly
not an idiot!

It's shortened from proletariat...



the laboring class; especially : the class of industrial workers who lack their own means of production and hence sell their labor to live

www.m-w.com


I was born a prole, I've lived my life as a prole, and I'll no doubt die a prole. Hence the handle. They can put that in my obituary. :)
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 09:46 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. that's cool
:thumbsup:
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Duncan Grant Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:34 PM
Response to Original message
5. If you like David Sedaris, you'll love this!
:rofl:

"I let her know which things Jesus would and wouldn't approve of, because I'm pretty good at knowing stuff like that."
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hippiegranny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 06:37 PM
Response to Original message
6. the money paragraph for me:
"How long must we be persecuted? Christmas is about Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards All, and how dare the pagan alliance of liberals, non-Christians, hippies and multinational corporations turn this into a damn war zone, where I have to look at every damn sign, and second-guess every greeting, and measure every Christmas tree to make sure that everyone understands that like we do. This is OUR time of year, as Christians, to show the world what Christianity is, and that Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards All isn't some hollow greeting card thing, but is the way we live our lives, and fuck them all if they can't see that. I, for one, will make sure that we understand about Peace On Earth if I have to hit every last damn greeter and fast food teenager and checkout person in America with a paper towel value pack. I'll boycott them all, until every last one of them understands that I am here in the name of Our Lord and Savior to bring PEACE ON EARTH if I have to shove it down every last throat. Especially the damn pagans."

too fruckin funny!

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Karenina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-09-05 07:56 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. Merry Sickmas
Happy Honda Days...
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