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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All Employees > >DATE: 4th November > >RE: Christmas Party > > > >I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take > >place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
> >at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! > >We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free
> >to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows > >up dressed as Santa Claus! > > > >A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among > >employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over > >$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This > >gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a > >special announcement at the Party. > > > >Merry Christmas to you and your Family. > > > >Pauline > > > > > > > >FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All Employees > >DATE: 5th November > >RE: > >Holiday Party > > > >In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish > >employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which > >often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. > >However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same > >policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There > >will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have > >other types of music for your enjoyment. > >Happy now? > > > >Happy Holidays to you and your family, > > > >Pauline. > > > > > > > >FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All Employees > >DATE: 6th November > >RE: Holiday Party > > > >Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous > >requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm > >happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table > >that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I
> >supposed to handle this? Somebody? > > > >Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since > >the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
> >believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. > > > >Pauline. > > > > > > > >FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All Employees > >DATE: 7th November > >RE: Holiday Party > > > >What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins > >the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking > >during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can > >appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' > >beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal > >until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to
> >take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? > > > >Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit > >farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the > >table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each > >other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their
> >own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's > >table too. > > > >To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. > > > >We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be > >available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
> >food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the > >food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the > >restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! > > > >Pauline. > > > > > > > >FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > >TO: All F****** Employees > >DATE: 8 November > >RE: The ******** Holiday Party. > > > >Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep
> >this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can > >sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you > >so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including > >organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They > >scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the > >scream right NOW!! > > > >I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die. > > > >The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > > > > > > >FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director > >DATE: 9th November > > > >RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party > > > >I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy > >recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the > >meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and > >instead, give everyone the afternoon of December 23 off with full > >pay.
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