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Why do I care? In a world of 'me, myself and I'..it is not beneficial on the surface. In this society the surface is all that matters, but I can't help myself...I hate being lied to...living a lie...believing lies. It just infuriates me. Or is it those behind the lies, remind me of the drunk, cruel, abusive, arrogant, angry, be-littling, shame-inducing characters of my lie-infested youth? And with each lie that is exposed do I feel better? No. It is all so convoluted that it actually makes sense...as my history parallels that of my country...and my ills mirror that of my country. I forget that the liars are as much a part of me as the truth-sayers, and both sides have invested everything in their choice of belief....themselves. A life spent reacting from fear is ugly, cruel, and just a horrible way to live. That deep-seeded fear of not having enough...or that somebody else will take your share if you do not bully your way through, grabbing up everything in sight that could possibly add to your feeling of security. And once you have it, you have to hold on tight because it's gone in the blink of an eye. So busy. So afraid. I vacillate back and forth between fear, and heaven. Heaven is that place that knows no fear. Heaven to me, is freedom... a moment in time...several when lucky...where you allow yourself to revel in the moment of truth...sans belongings and longings. My problem is my sight. I see cause and effect...need and greed...and above all I see pain. I know that pain can be bittersweet, and that the lessons learned from it are blessings. But to see the pain being inflicted on fellow human beings, for the greed that lives in power, is a hurt that has no salve. It is in me, but not of me. I have seen, and I cannot look away. It colors my view. I would like to not look, but if I don't look, what is all that pain and suffering borne for... then to teach lessons that desperately need to be learned? Is it not the meaning of humanity to witness each other's life? And if I deny their existence and pain, can I possibly make peace with my own?
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