Dems Swap Charges Over Metrosexuality

A leading official in the John Kerry presidential campaign today denounced as "yet another flip-flop" Democratic rival Howard Dean's recent statement that he is an avowed "metrosexual".

Speaking at a press conference, campaign manager Jim Jordan stated, "Howard Dean's record stands for itself."

Itemizing the former Vermont Governor's self-assessment as metrosexual, Jordan refered to recent remarks Gov. Dean had made during an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

"Here's a man who in his own words stated that for eleven years he owned only one, threadbare J. C. Penney suit. I leave it to the public to decide for themselves if such a man could truly reflect the highest standards of metrosexuality."

Jordan continued the list of charges, stating that Gov. Dean's nails are rather amateurishly clipped, questioning whether Dean could tell the price of a manicure.

Asked about the allegations, Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi responded, "Can a man routinely splattered with ketchup speak knowledgeably about what makes one a metrosexual? This campaign is about Americans taking back their metrosexuality."

The sudden emergence of the issue raised hackles with longshot candidate Dennis Kucinich. At a campaign appearance in Bixby's Bog, New Hampshire, Kucinich commented, "I have repeatedly called upon my opponents to endorse my plan for a Department of Metrosexuality, and metrosexuality in every department."

Reached by cell phone, Rev. Al Sharpton remarked that the controversy left him speechless, but that he personally doesn't wear velvet jumpsuits any more.

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