going back on promises - religion

When I met my husband, he claimed to be an Episcopalian. I was Methodist and raised our kids in Episcopal church to humor him. Then he decided he was too lazy to miss Sunday morning talk shows and now doesn't believe in Christianity. In fact, he now thinks he might be Buddhist. Or maybe atheist. Or maybe just someone who doesn't care because since Bush is president, there is no God.

My problem: he is making his own non-choices right now. I don't think he should influence my teenage sons with his disbelief. Teenagers have questions anyway. I think I should be allowed to raise them in the church to seek answers there first. I am so upset about it that I will probably divorce him this summer over it.

It's like waking up next to a born-again Republican. I have always been a democrat. He voted and was a rabid Repub until GW senior. After he cast his first vote, he saw the light and became a dem. Watching him flip-flop over religion, politics, makes me question his stability.

What would you do?

nothing else matters, does it? I say "stand by your man!" No, sincerely, he sounds harmlessly vague. If being wishy-washy on religion is his biggest fault, there are far, far worse things he could be doing.

Sorry, he is so absorbed in himself right now that he is not a good father - he hates the kids and actually states that. He is not a good husband and has never been since he kept chasing other women.
I think the religious issue may be the final straw because it is one of the few Biblical excuses for divorce.

assuming he's caught one or two, is also Biblical grounds for divorce. Make sure, however, that you are really ready to take that step before you make any moves in that direction.

It is hard to be around someone when they are questioning their beliefs. Someday you might change in a way that is uncomfortable for your husband. Hey, you and your children will learn things.
Your children will be better off for it, in the long haul of life.
Tolerance for others and their beliefs.

Sorry, I forgot to mention that he is not tolerating our being Christian right now. He mocks it. He throws all kinds of obstacles in the way. He tries to change them to Buddhism or whatever trend he has for the day. He is destroying that which we built. He doesn't live and let live. He shuns, mocks, and destroys.

it is important that kids have a spiritual foundation. But be prepared for them to change their focus later on in life. About your husband-is he really going into another spiritual path or using it as an excuse for not attending church? You might wish to check out the Dances of Universal Peace in your area. It is body prayer, honoring all spiritual traditions, and is often done at a time other than Sunday morning. Perhaps this could be an activity he would be willing to try-its non-threatening and can help people find themselves. Good luck.

Here's the url for the Dances website:
http://www.dancesofuniversalpeace.org/

I agree with you on their need for a spiritual foundation. If they change later, it will be with knowledge and discernment. I was raised in the church. My husband was not. It shows in his searching for anything and nothing at the same time. He has no foundation for personal peace and cannot stick to any one thing.

Thanks for the URL. There are other evening events he could attend, if he was only worried about the time.

...are not trivialities, as many would like to think. Our beliefs and convictions are part of who we are, part of our personal identity.

In Jewish tradition, it is said that everyone, at some point in his or her life, turns away from and rejects G-d; it is actually a necessary "stage" in the process of spiritual development. The word "Israel" means "to struggle with G-d" or "to wrestle with G-d", meaning that the relationship between Human Beings and the Divine is by no means smooth and steady---nor should be. Your husband may be experiencing a sort of "spiritual crisis" right now, wrestling with G-d and himself as he seeks to reconcile his belief in a higher Source that is good and just with his awareness of what is happening in the physical world. From what you mentioned, I think it's safe to say he is indeed struggling.

While one's relationship to the Divine is extremely important, G-d should not serve as a mistress; his personal spiritual quest is not to be pursued at the expense of another extremely important and sacred relationship, that being your marriage. It's held as fact that communication is crucial to a healthy marriage, the importance of clear, honest communication when dealing with matters such as finances and sex applies to matters of spiritual faith and practices as well. At this point, when you're ready to start talking about divorce, it's time to get some help.

I would encourage you to talk to your pastor/minister about your situation, and how you are feeling; this is one of the many things clergy are there for. Clergy are also bound by the rules of confidentiality, so you can trust that what you say will remain undisclosed. Your pastor will then be able to help guide you in the direction that's right for you, whatever that may be. If you do not feel comfortable talking to your pastor/minister, contact the church office and ask for a referral to a chaplain or another pastor/minister who could counsel you. Either way, I recommend that you first speak to clergy, as the issue at hand relates to spiritual matters, and take it from there.

Take care---I hope this helps.:)

Nice first post! :hi:

I have appreciated your various viewpoints and understanding.

My wife was raised as a 7th Day Adventist. We dated for over 3 years. I went church & bible study with her on & off the 1st 2 years. When the time for marraige came, it was understood that we would live a secular life or the wedding was off........ About 10 years later, she gets cancer, so I allow the bible thumping to begin (for her & our sons) regardless of our pre nuptual agreement. About 4 years latter, she is totally cured @ Stanford Un..... Now I have a good healthy wife who takes in the holy mumble-jumble every Saturday. ....So I should devorce her, right? .... Wrong! The children NEED a mother & a father. They can learn from both parents. Infact, my boys may be lucky to be raised in a Democratic home where they can go to church AND also learn (from me) the truth of the biological science that actually saved their mother's life.

Actually people change over time and their stated beliefs are just a reflection of this change.

Some people do not have a firm sense of what they believe. They may look at the choices before them and find none in line with their world views. Others are not concerned about the questions of life. Life to them is something simply to be lived and if somebody has some rules to lend to it that is acceptible.

To me it sounds as if (and this is from the very brief description here) he is simply overwhelmed and underimpressed by the options arrayed before him. He has found his way into a nihilistic stance and does not feel compelled to embrace much of anything philosophically. Not everyone has to live the self examined life no matter what Socrates had to say on the matter.

Suffice to say your husband probably has his own developed sense of values that are not terribly removed from yours. His attachments to Christianity no longer offer him any meaning other than the social connectivity of the people involved. This need not be a bad thing. It depends on whether you love him for who he is or if you love a reflection of something else you idealized in him that seems no longer to be there.

On Edit: You may want to look into Unitarian Universalist churchs. Excellent RE programs. Very common to find mixed relationships within. And perhaps he can find a connection with a group of people not pushing a dogma.

I know the story of the Anglicans/Episcopalians, but I never heard the Methodists' story.