Ok I am due to be married in 2 hours but there's a snag - send good vibes!

I am getting civily married tonight and married by our church in Oct 2005. The church marriage is MUCH more important to us. We aren't exchanging rings yet ('cept ring pops) and aren't changing names or calling eachother wife/husband yet.

Here's the snag - we called our priest to make sure that there wasn't a problem. turns out there is. The RC church does recognize civil marriage so it would be like getting married twice.

We're moving in together in Sept and I want her to have health insurance and I need her help with car insurance and credit so we need to do this. My feeling is lets do it - they didn't say that they wouldn't do it just that they strongly advised against it.

Wish us luck please - this is getting hairy!

!

If you're both Catholic, or will be by Oct, I don't see how the Church can turn you away then. :shrug:

I still like the Ring Pop idea. Cute.

DDQM

Why not? :-)

Congratulations, by the way!

:hug:

http://www.wgoeshome.com

is used in the Episcopal Church to santify a civil marriage.

I'm not familiar with the cannons of your church but I suspect there is some equivalent. My wife and I were married by a Justice of Peace in Crown Point Indiana and had our marriage "blessed" by the Church about 6 years later.

btw: 29 years married...........

on edit: Congratulations anyway you choose to go about it! :party: :toast:

believe it or not all the pre-nuptuals headaches and flaming hoops are worth it.

Congrats to you and yours!

If the priest asks to see the marriage license, and it shows you're already married, the church wedding will be off until you can get the civil marriage annulled.

This may or not be too hard depending on where you are, but will take weeks or months. It will cost somewhere between hundreds and thousands of dollars.

Proceed very carefully, if you don't want to muck up the church wedding.

to talk to our priest tomorrow

then you need to make sure 1) that you will show up at the church with a wedding license unsullied by any indication of a civil marriage, 2) that the civil authorities aren't going to get upset when they end up with two signed marriage licenses (one civil, one church) and 3) you're OK with lying to this particular priest.

My own view was, you think they'd be giving out toasters, but they're not. They're making you jump through hoops.

Fortunately, my annulment was fairly cheap and painless, as the very fine Msg. at St. Thomas (I think that's the name, I always think of it as St. Senate; DCers or at least Hill Rats will know the church I mean) where we prepped, etc., was a kindly fellow who only wanted to chat about his old room mate the former Arch-Bishop of New Orleans when he found out that was where I was from.

A dear old man whose name I now recall as Msrg. Murphy. He had a stroke, at at his last mass after he took a very long time to hobble up and down every aisle to shake the hands and bless everyone there. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

I don't think they make them like Msgr. Murphy anymore.

But I digress.

Proceed carefully, or you'll end up like a friend of mine did 20 years ago. He tried to basically ignore a prior civil marriage ended by divorce when he married a Catholic girl (he was raised Jewish but was not practicing). At the very last minute, the church wedding was called off, and they were married in her backyard by a very nice fellow with a back-of-the-magazine reverand's certificate who was a friend of his.

A very funny story except for the parties directly involved. I don't even want to think about how her parents handled it, as I don't remember. I probably heard and blocked it out as too painful to contemplate.

Congratulations!! Best wishes for a lifetime of happiness and joy together.

It'll all work out, even the insurance and the housing and the credit and every other problem you haven't even thought of yet.

Because you have each other.

you are absolutley right! We are reassessing our first plan and getting prepared to possibly establish a "domestic partner" sttus to get the health benifits from my liberal Dutch based corporation.

How ironic that my fiance and I might use the "benefits" given to gay couples (the fucking half baked "benefits") to facilitate our straight Catholic lives!God bless you gay and lesbian couples. May you be granted the human rights due all!!!!

I just feel that they have not kept up with the times. Marriage these days includes more than saying vows, exchanging rings and procreating. It comes with health insurance, joint checking (or not), life insurance, etc. If getting married in the Church is important to you, try to work something out with the priest, because I see being able to pay rent and going to the doctor more important than "being married in the eyes of God". My point being after rambling is: what is your priority? Civil or church? Good Luck!

Forward a virtual kiss to Ms. CSTT. :toast:

And thanks!

It's a legal, civil contract that may be outside the Church's purview. If you aren't living together as husband and wife, do they have a problem? Also, some parishes are more "liberal" than others. Maybe you could ask around.

The Church doesn't always have a monolithic view. For instance, the two Colorado bishops came out against communion for those who vote for candidates who are pro choice. But a Cardinal in New York just came out against George for the Iraq war and all of it's horrific baggage.

Good Luck!!! I don't think you are doing the wrong thing. :D Your intentions are entirely honorable.

Thank you everyone for the kind words. We want to be careful, though. Our parish is very liberal so there is hope yet. I will keep you posted.

Thanks again!

Whatever you don't don't buy the "insurance" it is a sucker bet.

ON EDIT-Sorry I thought this wsa a blackjack in Vegas thread.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

is to respect each other. Without respect, no relationship can survive. I send my hugs and warm wishes!

You will powerlift your way through this, yet!

I must go now but I will follow up. Thank you all once again!

We will make this work!

:toast:

of a new life with your soon to be spouse. GOOD VIBES COMING YOUR WAY.

to celebrate a civil marriage and have it affirmed by the Church? Maybe like a reaffirming of vows that's as close as possible to a real marriage ceremony? Maybe it's just another way of phrasing the question, but it might enable the priest to come up with a way of holding another ceremony.

On Edit: And BTW, congratulations and good luck!
:party: :toast:

be as good as mine and my husband's marriage. He is the one and only love of my life and I know he feels the same way towards me (this is after 34 yrs together)
GOOD LUCK!
ELECT KERRY 2004!!!!

learning by this whole escapade - we have come to new conclusions. there are other options - our love is the supreme good. If we have that - we wil succeed in the end. Thanks for your words! :)

They got married in a civil ceremony and one year later got married in a RC church. They got scolded a bit by the priest for "living in sin" in the meantime, but other than that, they didn't have a problem doing both. The church wedding was viewed as the religious ceremony, the other one was financial. They did it.

we have other options. We are mulling it all about.

Thanks for your advice - it means a lot in these touygh times - imagine if I was gay in Texas!!!!

We have it good and are trying to look at this as a lesson!

:evilgrin:

Yes, I read yesterday's RK/CStT thread!

:evilgrin:

:evilgrin:

soon to be bride...Congrats

:toast:

I have some Mexican immigrant friends who had both a civil and church ceremony in the U.S. It was important for them to have a big wedding so they got married earlier civily and then later in the church once they had enough money or could have everything arranged. These were Catholic weddings. I don't know if the culture was taken into consideration in these cases.
One coworker who is a stricter sect of Luthern had to get married twice to be married in the church. His church wouldn't marry him since he had been living in sin for a couple of years with his now wife. They said that the only way they would marry him is if he was married civily first. I thought this seemed kind of strange, but that's what they did.

want to reconsider the whole marriage thing.

:)

:)

This was years ago, of course. Several years later, they got married in the Catholic Church.

Best wishes!

I have no idea how the Catholic Church works; just hope everything works out as smoothly as possible! Congratulations to both of you on finding someone to love who returns your love in full measure!

I hope you get it all straightened out. :party:

YES! YES, I OBJECT TO THIS UNHOLY UNION!

You think the pastor heard me? They have superhero powers, I'm told.

Congrats, CStT! Learn how to nod and say "Yes. I was totally wrong." (You don't have to believe it. Just keep the peace. Odds are that you were likely totally wrong anyway.


May your wedding days be few and your anniversaries many.

Best of luck, fellow jazz-lover!

I was totally wrong has become quite a mantra to me (especially since the whole civil marriage was my idea!)

Thanks for your wishes, man!

:toast: