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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:42 PM
Original message
Jehovah's Witnesses next door. Hide!
:puke:
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ewagner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:43 PM
Response to Original message
1. Nope!
Edited on Fri May-21-04 03:44 PM by ewagner
Time to get the baseball bat and head for the front door!

on edit: I remember once when I was on the phone when they came to the door. I motioned for them to leave without interrupting my telephone conversation. In retribution they wiped their feet at my door...I think this is what they are supposed to do when they encounter "evil".
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ptsmknhipy Donating Member (48 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:49 PM
Response to Reply #1
6. Try to sell them Amway
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:58 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. *SNARF*
That's priceless! :D
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Kat45 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #1
18. That makes sense, believe it or not!
In the Bible, when Jesus sent his apostles/disciples out to spread the good word, he told them to stay at the homes of those who welcomed them, but for those who did not show hospitality, wipe the sand off your feet (as a testament against them) when you leave their doorway. I imagine the witnesses envision themselves as the Lord's disciples.
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Momof1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
2. Answer the door and ask them WTF is up
with Michael Jackson.
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:45 PM
Response to Original message
3. Invite them in...tell them about your lord and savior...
Rick Astley!
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:46 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. eek!
Lord, I haven't thought about Rick Astley in forever. :D
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TrogL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:57 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. He's cute
Who's Rick Astley?
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WillParkinson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 06:01 PM
Response to Reply #7
22. He had a few minor hits in the 80's...
"Never Gonna Give You Up" is the one that comes to mind.
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TheWizardOfMudd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 03:47 PM
Response to Original message
5. Do what I do
Pepper them with questions and fuck with their heads for about a half an hour, then tell them they're crazy!
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texas1928 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:08 PM
Response to Original message
9. get a pit bull with herpes and a bad attitude
and sic him on them.
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:10 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. a lot to ask in a dog on short notice.
Besides, they've come and gone. I farted in their general direction.
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lanparty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:18 PM
Response to Original message
11. Pretend you're god.

Witness: "Knock, Knock"

Door opens: "Hello sir ....."

You: "You're late, where the fuck have you been. You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

Witness: "I don't know what you mean."

You: "I sent you here. But you're late. Get you're ass in here, I got something to say. Look, I don't know what you THOUGHT you read, but it's wrong. I didn't send my son to Earth so you could harass people."

Witness: "We haven't met, what's you're name???"

You: "I'm GOD shit for brains!!!!"
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:25 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. LOL
Beats the "pentagram on the jacket" thing my best friend in junior high used to claim.
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camero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:34 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. another thing to add
You: "and stop writing in my book."
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lanparty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 07:55 AM
Response to Reply #11
38. More ...

Witness: "You don't look like god."

You: "What the fuck were you expecting. A burning bush, a pillar of fire. Do you really want me to go into pyro mode?????? I'll light your ass on fire no problem. Just ask."

Witness: "Sorry we have to go."

You: "That's a good idea. And tell all your freaky cult friends to stop prostletizing in my name fuck wits.
....
Hey, stay off the fucking grass. A nice lawn is NOT a miracle!!!!!!"
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Hobarticus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:34 PM
Response to Original message
14. Answer the door naked!!!
Works every time!
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damnraddem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:38 PM
Response to Original message
15. I used to enjoy it when the JW came around and I could argue with him ...
about evolution. But now all the RW religios are arguing about it. That just takes all the fun out of the JWs.
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nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 04:40 PM
Response to Original message
16. Just tell them you can't be one because
you didn't see the accident.
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Shakespeare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 05:46 PM
Response to Reply #16
21. BWAHAHAHAHA!
Good one. ;-)
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lojasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 05:13 PM
Response to Original message
17. I had one the other day.
I told her I only debate religion with people if they can agree not to cite the bible as "proof"

Our conversation didn't last long.
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Speck Tater Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 05:31 PM
Response to Original message
19. My late father-in-law would quote these lines from the Bible...
(I don't recall which chapter and verse these two quotes come from)

First quote: "Judas went forth and hanged himself."
Second quote: "Go ye and do likewise."
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amerikat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 10:21 PM
Response to Reply #19
36. and then there was Woody Allen who said
I told them to be fruitful and multipy......but not in those words.
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TheMightyFavog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 05:39 PM
Response to Original message
20. Just pretend to be balls-out shitfaced.
That's what I used to do.

I also yell out "Y'all don't come back now y'hear? Git offama land!
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proud patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
23. Just put on an AC DC cd
they'll skip right past your house
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Syncronaut Seven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 06:44 PM
Response to Original message
24. No No! Set out bait!
They're delicious deep fried!
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citizen snips Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
25. I am a Christian and I can't stand those people.
I believe and the majority of Christians believe they are a cult.
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wyldwolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 01:34 PM
Response to Reply #25
42. I am not a christian and I can't stand MOST christians
I think they're all a cult.
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demosincebirth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 01:42 PM
Response to Reply #25
43. They are classified as a cult...
so are the Mormons

The are not Christians.
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Ratty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 02:21 PM
Response to Reply #25
44. At least they don't vote!
All christians are part of a cult in my book. They're all the same to me: Mormons, Baptists, Catholics ... But JW's don't vote nor do they tell their parishioners who to vote for. That makes them way better than any other religion in my book!
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citizen snips Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 06:49 PM
Response to Original message
26. dupe.
Edited on Fri May-21-04 06:49 PM by MATTMAN
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CatWoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
27. LOL
Guess what??

My oldest sister is a Jehovah's Witness!!!!

I told her if she EVER tries to sell me anything (WatchTower, etc.) she will live to regret it.

Can I borrow Mr. Kitty if the time comes? :evilgrin:
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. we're talking about a cat that won't chase mice.
You think he's going to do anything but hiss and run in the face of a JW onslaught?

:hi:
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CatWoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 07:18 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. Yeah -- he may not chase mice
but he doesn't give a rats ass about taking chunks out of humans.

:D
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 07:44 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. this is true.
He won't do it on command, though. I've tried. :D
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Padraig18 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 07:10 PM
Response to Original message
28. Just do what I do
Edited on Fri May-21-04 07:11 PM by Padraig18
Answer the door naked, wearing nothing but my crucifix and holding a beer in my hand. I've never had one take longer than 3 seconds to turn around and leave.

:evilgrin:
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lucidmadman Donating Member (551 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 09:15 PM
Response to Original message
32. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and an Atheist?
Someone who comes to your door for no reason...
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fujiyama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 09:40 PM
Response to Original message
33. I like the idea
of answering the door with a bottle of hard liquor in hand, naked.

Welcome them in, and ask them if they want a shot -- or better yet, if you have some weed, ask them if they would like a hit. Of course that one could get you reported -- after all, smoking weed will be the downfall of the US!



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chicaloca Donating Member (704 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 01:34 PM
Response to Reply #33
41. You could also do that if you have oregano...
To the untrained nose, it smells like pot. Then you don't have to worry about getting in trouble. ;)
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Streetdoc270 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 09:47 PM
Response to Original message
34. Open Door: Honey! The Sacrifices are here! Light the Candles!
see if they run....
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camero Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
35. they came a couple of weeks ago to mine
An older man and his daughter. I go to the door without a shirt and answer. I kindly ask them to let me get a shirt. The man says that's ok and makes small talk with me. Religion wasn't discussed at all.

His daughter was in her mid 20s looked like. I never saw a woman's eyes get so big.

Nothing much came out of it. I just said I had to answer the phone and see ya later. Didn't take the literature. I doubt they'll be back.
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2bfree Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-21-04 10:23 PM
Response to Original message
37. Here are some good ideas!
http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor/missionaries.html
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Astarho Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 12:50 PM
Response to Original message
39. At least it's not Mormons
no offence to any LDS out there, but they only show up when someone in the house (usually me) is sick. It's creepy.
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Parrcrow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-22-04 01:25 PM
Response to Original message
40. When you open the door
Edited on Sat May-22-04 01:26 PM by Parrcrow
look furtively both ways up the street and ask them in a paranoid voice "Did they see you come here? Get out of here, you're in danger!" Then slam the door. You could just save your neighbours some trouble.

edit to slam the door
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