Hopefully, This Will Be The Final Battle in the E-Mail Wars

I work for a defense contractor in Colorado Springs, surrounded by conservatives who think everyone thinks like them. And my inbox is constantly filled with crap like this:

* * * * *

If General George Patton were alive and President of the USA, this would be his Fireside Speech:

My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short: The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list.

My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and solve some local problems.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed.

Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.

I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed.

I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple of extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn tootin'.

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples problems.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God bless America.

Thank you and good night.

P.S. Pass it on.

* * * * *

This was the last straw. So I sent the following e-mail to everyone in my work group:

To everyone in the group -

I think by now most people in this group have become aware of my political leanings. So in the interest of group tranquility (and as we get closer to Election Day), please leave me off the distribution list if you plan to send out any anti-liberal or anti-Democratic messages.

Thank you.

Wayne

We'll see if it has any effect.

Just click "Reply All".

Send your own propaganda.

It's easy and it's fun.

--bkl

And I supervise a few of them. So I don't want to do anything that will create a hostile workplace.

hostile? they're being hostile if they send you this crap when they know you don't want to see it.

Forward the messages to one of the DU SPAM WARRIORS!

--bkl

Just ask them where they buy their crack, because no person in their right mind or not altered by drugs would believe suck crank-yankin'crap!
then ask them if mommy didn't hug them enough when they were babies.

all those things listed are not what this country was based on.

Amazing what the last 3 years has done to our reputation and effectiveness around the world.

bastards..

the label anti-american and anti-constitution and anti-freedom and using George Patton's name in vain.

why not send out *'s Resume?

or

copy and paste the PNAC web site

or

gather all the * quotes on WMD

or

hell, there is too much to 'educate' them with

And do not want to be accused of creating a hostile work environment.

Is it okay for them to create a hostile work environment?

Patton was quite intelligent and well read - I doubt he would have falled for NeoCon bullshit. He certainly would have appreciated how difficult it is to occupy an Arab country.

RW'ers should have a need to feel "macho" as shown by that email.

... I would have a problem with this (on either side of the political spectrum). The workplace is not the place for sharing political or religious views (frequently). It does nothing to bind the team together.

Last year I was getting spammed at work by a vendor who kept sending us anti-France bullshit. Finally, I told them to take me off their list, never email me again, never call me again, and that I would never do any more business with them. The manager of our store is from France, and she lived through the Nazi occupation, and I didn't appreciate reading this garbage when I checked my business email.

So, these narrow-minded idiots lost a customer over their short-sighted thoughtlessness. I'm just grateful that Marie (our manager) never saw one of them - then I would have REALLY let them have it.:grr:

maybe these people should read The Patton Papers and get a real sense of the man before putting words in his mouth.

for instance, his reccomendation to his son, a West Point Cadet to become a sycophant and a 'bootlicker' to the Commandant to enable his career advancement.

nice guy.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God bless America.


That's precicely the point. Many nations implied by "list 2" have stood by the US in past conflicts (some still ongoing), but the "We owe you" turned out to be worthless.
In addition it is not as if no "Old European" soldiers were deployed around Iraq, just in case.
It is not as if Fox has no domestic problems for being too "pro American".
...

Oh: one can only love the total disregard for law, justice, international law, human rights,...

Currently debating with myself as to whether or not I will respond. The arrogance in tone is sickening and I'm generally unwilling to let such things pass unchallenged.

(spelling)

NAFTA sucks. It really does. Canada would drop it in an instant. They'd also throw a military blockade around the Green Banks. Norway, Spain and Great Britain would probably help.

There are a few countries still out there buying American goods. This can stop - quickly. It might recover - slowly if at all.

Oh, while you're at it, forget sharing intelligence data. Not that you listened to us anyway. And you'd better call your diplomats home. We just nationalized your embassies, razed them and turned them into parking lots. Can you say "irony"?

Economics? We've played ball up until now propping up the greenback. Sorry, we're all switching to the Euro. The greenback won't be worth toilet paper by the time we're through with it.

You want to dock at our ports? How's 500% tarrif sound for all ships with US registry or carrying 50% or more US cargo? High enough? You didn't answer fast enough so now it's 1000%

Wanna land at our airports? How about a 3000% increase in landing, parking, customs and taxiing fees for US air carriers or aircraft carrying 50% or more American freight and/or passengers.

Thinking about crossing the Canadian or Mexican border? Remember the Great Circle? NATO allies aren't as far away as you think they are. One short plane ride over the Arctic. Remember, Canada controls the DEW line. You'll never see them coming.

Just thought you'd like to know.

The Guys on the #2 list.

TrogL, you're always so well thought out.

Thanks!

Oh, and all your military bases in our countries? Yeah, we confiscated all your equipment and your soldiers are walking home, since you said all treaties are now null and void that means they are all illegal occupying forces. Since we have no diplomatic relations with you any more, if we find any of your soldiers as they try to sneak back the US, we're going to detain them indefinitely as enemies of the state. Don't know their gonna make it over oceans, but as you suggested that we could drop dead we're not worrying about it. Besides, that American ingenuity you brag about will get every one of them home safely we're sure.

It made my day last week. :)

Our CEO was doing a presentation on the Top 10 Things to Improve Our Company. It was the usual top ten run down, until we got to number 7:

Get George Bush out of the White House.

Then my CEO said, "Oops, wrong list. That belongs on the Top Ten Things to Improve Our Country."

Big company? Public? seems like something only a small private company CEO would dare to do.