Post your favorite fart story

Do you have a great story about farting? Please share it if you do.

A hunter appeared out of nowhere outside. After helping him inside, I noticed that his belly started to grumble loudly. It got worse and worse... I showed him to the bathroom. A few minutes later I heard an explosion. After knocking on the door for a while, I opened it to find that he had exploded and an alien had escaped from his body.

Oh wait... that was from a really, REALLY, bad movie I saw about a month ago. :evilgrin:

But when I was a little kid I believed the stinking ones were little black clouds.

A few years back a good friend of mine was getting married, and a dozen of us took him out for a stag party the night before..by the wedding morning the poor guy was half hungover and was ripping beer farts from hell. Still, he put on his best game face and went out to get married.

No more than five minutes into the ceremony, during a quiet pause, my friend lets rip with the second loudest fart I've ever heard. A look of shock crossed the brides face, the entire first three rows could smell it, and a light chuckle ran through the crowd, but the minister carried on with the ceremony and read his Bible through his watering eyes anyway.

A few minutes later, just as the minister was asking the "does anybody here object..." line, my friend rips a second, louder (do this day #1), and far smellier fart. The best man gagged, the bridesmaids all pinched their noses...but it was the minister who did the damage. He looked at my friend with this irritated frown and said "You'd better go check your britches boy, it smells like you laid a nasty one there". The bride was so horrified that she ran away from the altar in tears, the brides dad was so angry that he PUNCHED my friend in the face, and the entire first five rows of pews were being evacuated as quickly as possible as the seated family members gagged and gasped for air. I was sitting about seven rows back and my eyes were watering from the rancid smell...it honestly smelled like something died in his ass :puke:

She was so horrified by the entire ideal that they not only never got married, but she never even spoke to him again.

If you made this up, you should get into sitcom writing. If not, then that must have been an, uh, interesting experience. I can picture the whole thing!

;-)

Nah, it really did happen more or less as I described, but it wasn't the fart that really killed their marriage, at least not directly. The rest of the story: Bride ran out on the wedding and was furious with the groom for embarassing her (she swears to this day that he did it deliberatly). During the hour or so that he spent grovelling for forgiveness, he made the mistake of admitting that he'd kissed the stripper the night before (she was one of his ex's) and the bride announced that the wedding would NOT happen that day. It's likely that they would have eventually reconciled, but she and another girlfriend decided that it would be a waste to let the prepaid Maui honeymoon go unused, so they hopped a jet together and took off. Her last words to her groom: "We'll talk about our relationship when I get back".

To make a long story short, she met some other guy in Maui, they hit it off, and she's married to him today. So while it's true that my friend lost his bride over a pair of badly timed farts, I guess you could argue about whether it was really the farts that ended the relationship.

!

1. Gambled
2. Lost

:sigh:

It's funny in retrospect.

We had to push our desks together in a circle and there was about 30 students in the class. We were taking a test and the room was real silent and all of a sudden I blew a very loud fart and everyone could hear it.
I pointed at another kid and said that she did it and it was obvious that it was me because I was the only one that spoke up.

My friend Mike was trying to impress a girl, so he said, "Go on, punch me as hard as you can in my stomach".

Then he tensed his abdomen and.... you guessed it. The loudest, wettest one I'd heard all year.

The girl ended up marrying him.

It was a week into the division field training exercise. "Go brief the general."

Something about my digestion gasifies MREs and keeps a gas bubble floating in my stomach until a week after the end of the exercise. I'm on my fifteenth MRE of the week and I gotta see a two-star general.

Okay, no problem. I brought a nice pressed set of BDUs to the field for just such an occasion. I changed, put on my very best camo face, refreshed the tree branches sticking out of my helmet cover and presented myself to the CG.

Ten minutes into the briefing, I cut the raunchiest MRE fart ever farted in the history of the United States Army. Ten minutes and 30 seconds into the briefing, the entire division staff is standing outside the tent and the CG and I are waving the tent flaps furiously trying to remove said fart.

Me, hubby and the dog in between. Hubby lets one and without a seconds hesitation the dog gets up goes to the end of the bed and jumps down. I laughed so hard the bed was shaking. Poor dog wanted nothing to do with him!

I was in a class that was all guys and one girl. I let a SBD out that felt like I had flames shooting out of my ass. The girl sitting next to me smelled it right away, "GAWD, WHY IS IT FUCKING WARM TOO?!?!," she screamed. It slowly moved across the room with everybody saying the same damn thing about my fart, "HOW THE FUCK IS IT WARM AND FUCKIN' RANCID!!!" I was placed into the farters hall of fame because of it:evilgrin:

in church once... And wouldn't you just *know* that was the very second when everyone happened to fall silent.

Sounded like a chainsaw trapped in a buffalo!

I did the only thing a self respecting person could do!

I just sat there in my own pew!

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It was soooooo bad (I was the only one smelling it, but everyone likes their own brand, as Fat Bastard says) that I rushed to the toilet and :puke:.

It was so bad that even I thought it was horrible.

Abruptly. Yes, it was THAT bad.

It was early in the relationship.I actually was trying to impress
him with my lady like manners etc etc (coughbullshitcough)
Well the day before I had a beer few pickled eggs,ham and brussel
sprouts.
Hubby (boyfriend at the time) were driving toward home.
Much to my horror I felt the ominous gurgling.
I knew what was coming.I did the squirm and butt clench.
It contained the noxious odor for a good 3/4 of the way home.
Dan wanted to stop at the convenience store for a few things.
I was kinda hungry and hoping to use the bathroom before I imploded
in unexpelled gas.I bent over to grab a turkey sub out of the cooler in front of the stores counter to my horror a sbd (silent but deadly )slipped out.I hurry and paid for my sub and left.
The store had large double glass doors.I went back out into the truck to sit.
The clerk and Dan stepped up to the counter and smelled my seepage
at the exact same moment.It was priceless.The clerk was looking at Dan like you freaking hog.Dan was looking at her like she was a total pig.I couldnt help it I started laughing.
Dan happened to look out at the truck he could see me laughing .

I was the store switchboard operator. I was stationed in the dressing rooms. One day this grandmother brought two of her granddaughters in to try on clothes. She sat on the plastic waiting bench outside the area. Well one of them called out to her to come look at something she had tried on. Grandma started trying to stand up and was straining and grunting, well you guessed it she let one out that was loud to begin with but was amplified by the plastic benches. It sort of had an echo effect. that is not the bad part, right as she let go all I hear from her direction is "SHIT". I lost it back behind my desk. I was crying, when her grandkids brought out the clothes they were trying on. I could not laugh out loud until she left, it nearly killed me.