It's THAT time again, kids. Don't be afraid... Be READY

Terrorism forces us to make a choice. Don't be afraid... BE READY
http://www.ready.gov/

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be INFORMED
http://www.terrorready.net/index.asp

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Do Not PANIC

Remain calm: Even in the event of a new wave of terror attacks Swatch (honory member of the New Europe) will continue to provide the American people with a wide selection of quality suitcases and travel bags.

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Be PREPARED

In the event of emergency, find a 3-story, 10-foot-high building. The midgets inside will be sure to help you. Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch.

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Be SMART

If you actually need to be told that birds dropping out of the sky and fish going belly-up in the streams is a bad sign, then please remain right where you are. We don't need you taking up precious space in the shelters that could be occupied by people with functioning brains.

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Be SENSIBLE

If the ceiling collapses, hide under a card table with heavy stuff on it.

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Be CREATIVE

If your room has no exits you can draw some and stick them on the walls with tape. Guaranteed by Cartoon Network to work every time.

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Be INNOVATIVE

If a terrorist steals your emergency brake handle, a banana makes a suitable substitute.

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Use your time WISELY

In the event that the sky is ripped open in perfect straight lines and hell is unleashed on earth, take the opportunity to practise your parallel parking.

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Keep your sense of HUMOR

For laughs, try rolling a box fan down the stairs of a fallout shelter to scare the hell out of the occupants

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The BOTTOM LINE

The hokey-pokey really IS what it's all about.

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All CREDIT for CAPTIONS goes to:
http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=56995&page=1&pp=25

Ready!