Need help with a harassment problem.

Okay, here's the background.

I moved to a new city in Feb. of last year and ended up falling (well, more like lusting) over a male who I thought was the most attractive thing I've ever seen in my life. He was involved with someone at the time and so I stopped right there. I'm not that kind of girl. Well, she and he didn't work out. And he kept coming over to my house everyday and eventually (last summer) I gave into him and my lusting. Ever how wrong it may have been, I was desperate and lonely. ANYWAY. I broke things off with him because I realized I wanted more for myself, and I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to become involved with him to begin with. Well, turns out he and the girl afore mentioned got back together and she has claimed they were together while he and I were a fling. (This ended last August). So, after I'm a good person and tell her everything that happened and how they WERE NOT together (our mutual friends know this as well), she goes ballistic. Like majorly psycho. For the past two weeks she's called from blocked numbers and has threatened to kill me. And today, HE gets on the phone and says the same things. They both know where I live and because of her past (she was really hard into drugs) and her sudden change in personality, I'm afraid of what they are capable of doing. It's unfair. I didn't hop on top of myself yet I'm the trash and he's perfect??

My question is - how do you think I should handle this situation? I'm home alone a lot during the day because I work weird hours and my roommates are always at work when I'm at home. I hate living in fear of being in my own home or walking outside. At the same time, I don't want to blow things out of proportion and make things worse. I just wish that things would be normal. I'm happy now with the semi-relationship I have these days and this is a bunch of unneeded stress. Help.

Record her phone calls and go to the police.

:hi:

Then go down and file for a restraining order. I know it's just a piece of paper but, do it anyway.

Keep your wits about you and pay attention to who is around you, following you etc. Let people know where you are. Put 911, and the police dept. numbers in your cell phone.

And keep us posted.

That's a horrible story. :-( I've been there, unfortunately, myself. Different circumstances, same gnawing feeling in my gut.

First things first... CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER. Do it today. If you claim harrassment, the phone company or your cell phone provider will change it for free. I know it's a hassle to have to give out a new number to your friends and family, but you just have to do it. It will be the first step in easing your worried mind.

I don't know if it's legal, but you might want to start recording their phone calls. Just tell them as soon as you pick up the phone that tape is rolling. If she's seriously threatening death, then you need to get the police on top of this. They can stop it for you. It works.

Good luck... poor thing. :-(

don't give out the new number for the recording. Do tell the police, and tell the ones calling you that you're recording, etc. However, if you're out and about they could be lurking. Try to have someone with you if possible, especially at night and don't go anywhere that you don't feel safe right now. Say, maybe if you wanted to go on a hike or something. Good luck, and be safe.

if possible, get an unpublished number. There's a difference between unlisted and unpublished, at least where I live. Unlisted just means it's not in the phone book -- but Directory Assistance will still give it out, even if it's not in the book. Sometimes you have to pay extra for an unpublished number, but in such a situation it's usually worth it to pay.

He'd be helpful with this.

But honestly that is some fucked up shit. I have no love for people like that, I am not sure what you can do but If I lived near you I would definately protect you in every which why I could. I can't understand why some people have to act like this. The best advice I can give you is watch your back, and hang around some friends, it's tough to attack someone when you have to deal with others. Anyways sorry I won't be able to reply. But I'd definately hate to see you get hurt and I don't know what I'd about the rage if someone decided. Just know I care about you and Im sure you'll get really good advice from others, take note of that. :hug: I had no idea.

I agree with the other posters. I've had to do the same myself. I even moved.

And call your phone company to see if there is any way they can track the calls. I believe it is illegal most everywhere to make threatening phone calls - tape them if possible. I found the phone company very helpful with a similar problem and they let me change my number without charge (be sure and specify unlisted)

The restraining order puts law enforcement on record which won't necessarily save your hide, but does give them some options if anyone actually tries any direct violence/harassment.

Thanks so much for the advice so far. You've made me feel a little better and have definitely given me ideas. Thanks so much. :hug:

you're not acting as an agent of the government.I believe this is correct,but I'm not an attorney so I'm not positive.

Some states do not allow recording unless BOTH parties are aware. Remember Linda Tripp?

and never jump on your self for having a bit of fun -- it's only natural -- you did nothing wrong.

more concerned with domestic issues but has info on restraining orders, etc:

www.womenslaw.org

For the morning crew.