Top Ten Alternate Uses for Alabama's 10 Commandments Monument

After months of increasingly rancorous debate and (irony!) open defiance of the law by the Chief Justice Roy Moore of Alabama's Supreme Court, state workers finally hauled away the monument to the Ten Commandments from the rotunda of the Alabama Judicial Building on Wednesday. A gaggle of shrieking, purple-faced protesters dissolved into hysterics when they realized there was nothing they could do to save their beloved graven image, which was originally installed by Judge Moore less than two years ago as an in-your-face "dare" to anyone to remove it. While yer old pal Jerky's hopes for an armed standoff went unrequited, the site of apoplectic nimrods shouting "Get your hands off our God, God haters!" was entertaining enough in and of itself. But now, we're left with a useless three-ton stone block, just taking up space in a warehouse somewhere! What to do? What to do?!


TOP TEN ALTERNATE USES FOR THAT "10 COMMANDMENTS" MONUMENT!
Our Top Ten Lists go to Eleven! - Jerky


11. Flip it over and use it as an altar upon which to perform sacrificial blood offerings to SATAN!

10. Hollow it out and fill it with ice to create the world's holiest beer cooler.

9. Slowly lower it on top of that fucking idiot preacher who suffocated 8-year old, autistic Milwaukee boy Terrance Cotrell to death last week by sitting on his chest during an impromptu "exorcism." The same horrific fate should befall any other member of that ridiculous Christian coven who was stupid enough to take part.

8. Cornerstone for a brand-spanking-new abortion clinic!

7. Put it in an overgrown field with an outhouse, a rusted out Cadilac, an abandoned refrigerator and voila! REDNECK STONEHENGE!

6. Paperweight for God's legal briefs in the upcoming post-Armageddon sentencing trials.

5. Use it as ballast on the converted cruise ship where Preznit Dubya will have to live in exile, because - after his removal from office and the subsequent investigations, trial, and horrific revelations of criminal conspiracy on a barely-imaginable scale - no other country on earth will be willing to take him.

4. Auction it off on e-bay and use the proceeds to help pay for upgrades to Alabama's crumbling and antiquated infrastructure.

3. Convert it into two tons worth of marble floor tiles for a gay homosexual bathhouse.

2. Use it as a tombstone for Charlton Heston once he finally kicks the bucket.

1. Take a sand-blaster and scour away the commandments, then replace them with the First Amendment, which reads: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." That has a helluva lot more to do with the law of the land than whether or not you get along with your folks, work an extra shift on a Sunday, or say "Godamn!" when you stub your toe.

Very funny.

Did you see this crazed justice on the news? All I could think of was Elmer Gantry!:crazy:

on edit: Welcome to DU, BlackRhino!:toast:

#11 hits a little too close to the mark, though. The iconography of the thing is very close to a Druidic or Germanic altar, though those people generally used circlar designs and crosses or swastikas (indicating the Four Directions and Four Elements among other things) to indicate the Deity/ies and Divine rules worshipped and such.

The engravings on the sides (e.g. "Nature's God") pretty much tell the story that the True Believers aren't talking about the God of the Israelites, really. They'll be 'offended' at the suggestion that the name of their god is Odin or Jupiter or whatever the Celtic equivalent is, but they really shouldn't deny it.

And gravel the church parking lot with it.

-Sandy

...PRICELESS!!!!!:evilgrin:

Put it in the Pentagon!

I cannot even bear to think what that poor child endured. They should lock up this monster who tortured and murdered him!:mad:

As for number one, it's a no-brainer!:grr:

I love that one.