Waiting for a call from a possible date, how long before I give up?

I've been off the phone most of the night, until now.

We met from an online dating service.

He left me his # yesterday in e-mail. I called it, got his answerphone. I left a message with my # in my typical, dorky geekwad voice. I also responded via e-mail telling him my # saying I'd be off the phone toinght.

Well, it's 9PM. No call.

I bloody well give up.

I don't dig bars and all the gay social spots are 30+ miles away. :mad:

Co-workers always tell me to get a cat or pet or something (they don't want to converse with me either unless it's necessary.) Um, pets don't give a fuck about anything except for food!!! And you can't have sex with them (or if that's possible, I don't want to know about it, blech!!!!!!)

Someday I need to step back and ask myself why continue to I live on, or did I die and this is the afterlife (which is hell, trust me)? Given my beliefs, I probably was a hippie who got killed in 1971 and I am the pathetic reincarnation...

I've been patient for 10+ years.

A friend of mine had another friend who had found a stray. So she asked if I wanted her (the cat). I said sure. She was skin, bones, and fur when I got her. Now she's plump, purrs a lot and always plops herself down in whatever room I'm in. She's behind me on the floor right now, wheezing a bit. She caught a cold at the kennel last week (I was out of town).

Go to the shelter and get thee a kitten or young cat.

1. The cat would get injured, what with all the open computers and network (and other) cables lying around - that's inevitable... assuming the kitty doesn't kill the parrot (or vice-versa, Senegal parrots can terrify large Macaws!)

2. I'm allergic to cats, dogs, horses, rabbits, molds, pollens... I shouldn't even have an aquarium!

Trust me, I would LOVE a cat! Well, for the most part - there are things only another human can do... </pining away desperately>

Again, H-E-double hockey sticks!

Wish I could say maybe there is a breed you wouldn't be bothered by. But I know nothing about allergies since I don't seem to be allergic to anying. Maybe a low dose of one of those new allergy medicines would make a cat tolerable - and reduce your trouble with things you can't help coming in contact with like pollens, molds, etc.

Computer cables and even open computers ought not to be a problem. My cat has no interest at all in my setup. Not once has she even walked on a keyboard!

Think outside the box. I know I never imagined getting a cat until my friend called last fall. Kitty arrived the next day.

Those birds can be so entertaining. Instead of sitting by the phone, you could talk to or play with your bird. My ex and I have a Senegal; the bird lives with him because that's who he bonded to--the bird adores him. He really enjoys having the bird around, watching his antics, interacting with him.

I know it's not the same as a human companion, but I find that when I have a bird, it's hard to get bored.

People have jobs, prior commitments, they're away...have to work up the nerve etc

Don't be so hard on him...or on yourself fer cryin' out loud.

You're a perfectly nice person, and very likeable. Relax.

That's why I anticipated the move and gave him my # via e-mail. But I will relax and send one other message with my cell #. If I'm slaving on the 'net or out taking photos tomorrow, he'll definitely get through.

You're rght, I should't be so hard on anybody like this...

Playing games sucks. He obviously was interested enough to give you his #, right? Maybe he's sitting at home, wondering if he can work up the nerve to call you.

I think he gave me his work #. But only one #, not his home #. And I gave him mine.

Maybe you're right about working up the nerve thing but there's something about that which doesn't fit what I know of his persona.

He WAS interested, but I fear hearing my voice alone has turned him off. He did see my pic and he saw my advert and lo'n'behold those didn't scare him off (unless he took a second look, how would I know?)

I'll send a followup e-mail with my cell phone #, something Iwas originally reluctant to do. That way if I'm out doing a photo shoot tomorrow (at least I've got one or two people interested in purchasing prints of my photos) he could call and I'd be there...

shoot him

'Cuz, dude, it's Labour Day Weekend. Lots of folks are out of town, or out with friends.

These are tough times to develop or keep relationships. Relationships, to be healthy, requite ethical behaviors. Good, solid ethics are goddamned hard to come by in people. Of any persuasion.

I used to torture myself about the lack of a woman to share my life with. Just put myself on the rack and lived there. Not any more.

Remember what the Buddhist master said about depression: "You are what you think". Speaking from a very informed viewpoint on the subject of depression, I would have to say that BM hit the nail on the head. But, I suppose that is why they are Buddhist Masters, no? ;-)

Chin up. You have friends here, and you are rich in that fact.

Have a beer or a glass or wine and call him back. I think that he is afraid to call you and you should call him.

You guys have left each other messages and someone is too shy to call.

Cop a buzz off of a drink and call him!

First of all, I should add that I was NEVER in what I could call a "real" relationship until I met my wife just over a year ago. I am 34 now. You are apparently a bit younger. So, the first thing I would say is that your life is FAR from over.

The next thing is that from what I've been told by one of my best friends who is gay, it's even harder to find a good companion than when you're straight. And that's not just because the potential pool is smaller. It's because, according to my friend's experience with dating services, even the men who try and sound really honest and sincere are often just curious and way overstating their real intentions just to be considered. Joe (my friend) would talk to so many men who stated that they were looking for a commited relationship who would ultimately ask questions about physical "endowment". If what you are looking for is someone to love and who loves you back, does that even matter unless you're so far off the bottom of the curve that there's a medical term for it?

Furthermore, anyone who won't treat you fair and square from the get go is NOT worth your time or emotional energy! I have been on the brink of suicide more than once because of how hard I tried to earn a woman's love and respect and it ended up getting me nowhere. I spent four years of my life trying to help this one lady who had some serious issues. She would constantly say and do things to lead me on sexually but if I so much as subtly hinted that I was interested in her in that way, or that I had feelings for her, she would turn to dry ice and drive me away. And in every instance it was she who re-initiated contact with me after a period of a few weeks or months. I can't even put a dollar amount on how much I tried to help her when she was down and out, buying her food and paying her way on our outings. And when I finally said I'd had enough she treated it like it was nothing.

What you need is to put your energy into making yourself the best person you can be. You really need to refrain from self-pity and tell yourself that you have two choices. You can be alone and happy within yourself, or you can be alone and miserable because you don't feel you're getting your due of attention.

I want you to know that I identify very much with your situation and I know so very much how depressing loneliness can be. But I also know that there is someone out there for EVERYONE! I found the most wonderful woman who is so much more than I ever could have hoped for, and what is the best thing of all for both of us is that when we initiated contact with each other we were both of the mind that we were giving love our last shot.

Best of luck to you. Keep a positive attitude, and stop downing yourself with statements like:

"I left a message with my # in my typical, dorky geekwad voice."

"I bloody well give up."

and "Co-workers always tell me to get a cat or pet or something (they don't want to converse with me either unless it's necessary.)"

It's hard enough to succeed in the love arena without a mindset that all but assures your failure.

Capiche?

I dated through the personals before I met my husband, and spent my share of time waiting for guys to call.

My advice is NOT to sit around and wait for the phone to ring! Go online and look at more profiles of eligible guys. It will distract you from waiting for the call. You might find someone else that you connect with too. If the first guy calls you back, he just might have some competition!

There are a lot of things that can keep someone from calling too. It could be anything from him being nervous, playing hard to get, being sick, losing your phone number, unexpected guests, etc, etc. I know that I failed to call people when I should have for various reasons. Not usually that I was being thoughtless, but sometimes.

Anyway, good luck! I know it seemed for me like I would never, ever meet anyone good, but I finally did!

It's not safe. I would be very careful. If you do meet him I would make sure that you know who he is. I would also make sure that you meet in a very public place like a Mall or Shopping Center. And if you get any strange feelings at all I would leave immediately.

This man is probably harmless. But you never know. And it only takes a few seconds for something bad to happen.

Oh, we'd be meeting in a public place... And being more paranoid than Marvin, I can usually scent danger a mile away. :D

You never know who is out there. And there are people who use the Internet to prey on unsuspecting victims.

Do not let anyone have your phone number if it has your address listed.

We have crazy people who harm people and we don't want any harm to come to you.

Go to a DU meeting.

This thread is probably old enough that nobody will read this, but I never mentioned that I met my wife, with whom I'm extremely happy, on match.com.

The internet is a fine way to meet people. You just have to be a bit more careful in the beginning.

But there are dangerous people who use the web to pray on unsuspecting victims.

We have people who target gay people here in the US and harm them. I wouldn't want anything happening to him.

He needs to meet the person at a location with people around.

A friend of mine met her husband over the INTERNET and moved from Chicago to England. She weighed close to 350 pounds and she never had a date and she went on to a chat board for graphic designers and met him. He married her about 6 months later.
The INTERNET is a great way to meet people but I wouldn't want to give out my address to a person that I didn't know.

There are plenty of dangerous people out there who would harm unsuspecting victims.

A couple of years ago, I was walking toward a bar in Minneapolis. This guy, who was dangerous but shifty, a "confidence man", tried to wiggle money (and later try to hijack my car) from me. I should be lucky and grateful he failed in his attempt. If he had a gun, it would have been a different story.

I only go to one shop in Minneapolis these days, but otherwise I avoid that city like the plague.

A pity people can be deceitful and selfish. A pity our society creates the ideal conditions for such vermin to thrive in. Okay, the people themsleves aren't vermin, the greed they exhibit is "verminesque" though. But people don't want change so this is how our society is to be then. :-(

...DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND!!!!!

Best advice: Public places with friends...Not necessarily one either.

On the rebound, fumbling all the lines
The light at the end of the bottle - alcoholicalphabet
Through the looking glass
The proof in my own reflection
Five senses down and reeling on the cinderella search

It's not unusual for us to be, well, "distant" in the beginning.

Often we, us, agonize over when we should call again.

Don't worry so much and call him.

We're all different, but we can probably all go on quite nicely without romantic companionship, if we allow ourselves to. I often used to pine over my solo-ness before I was married and then, during my marriage, it's not like things got much better for very long. And now I've been basically, in all but the legal sense, single for a couple of years and still occasionally find myself going through a patch (sometimes of a few days) of despair over not only my current situation but all of those irretrievable years of wedded 'bliss' during which my romantic and sexual potential was barely tapped. It sucks, but that feeling always passes. Again, we're all different, but I suspect that this is also true of you and probably of everyone else.

I do know one thing that's cause for a little brightness, and that's that - very often - when you really want something you don't get it until you surrender to not getting it. Happens all the time - let something go, some goal or need, and it so often comes thundering over the hill at the last moment to save the day. I'd like to think that's how my love life will resurrect itself, and maybe that's also true of you.

In the meantime, try your damnedest to nurture and appreciate the good things in your life and in yourself and, if you don't think there are any, then open your eyes the hell up and get busy manifesting some. it's already there inside you - even WE, who don't know you that well, can see that. You never know, letting go and getting on with that sort of thing may be the magic key. Write the Great American Novel, master tai chi, become an élite nude bungee-jumping studmuffin, break the world falling-dominoes record....there IS a lot more to life than romantic love, though sometimes it may not feel that way.

Dude, the time will come for all of us if we're open to it and happy within ourselves, or even partway toward that happy state. Better Mr Right when it's right than Mr Wrong when it's all wrong - I already proved that, in my case with Ms Wrong, and I'm FAR from alone in that.
But, sure, in the meantime, Mr Pretty-Much-Okay when things are pretty Good is all right, too. :-)