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I am No Doctor. Ask me anything.

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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:18 PM
Original message
I am No Doctor. Ask me anything.
I promise to give you the absolute worst medical advice.
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Zomby Woof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:19 PM
Response to Original message
1. I have a pimple on my ass
Should I pop it?
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:24 PM
Response to Reply #1
9. Absolutely not.
You don't want to anger them.

My suggestion is to use a belt sander with a very light grade of sandpaper. To keep the pimple from becoming upset put in a DVD of The Jazz Singer, the Neil Diamond version, and perform the entire procedure with your buttocks toward the TV screen.
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Zomby Woof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:26 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. far....I've been traveling far!
Hey! It didn't work! Just like you promised!
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:34 PM
Response to Reply #11
21. If I've lived up to my promise...
Then the situation should be significantly worse.

You're welcome.
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progmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:20 PM
Response to Original message
2. what's this spot on my face?
Do you think it could be fatal?
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:24 PM
Response to Reply #2
10. It's marinara sauce...
And yes, it's fatal. I'm sorry.
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progmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-14-05 12:02 AM
Response to Reply #10
26. I was afraid of that.
Damn those killer tomatoes.



Sure were tasty, though.
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Osamasux Donating Member (846 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:20 PM
Response to Original message
3. My eye hurts when I drink tea. What should I do?
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auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:21 PM
Response to Reply #3
8. Take the spoon out of the cup!
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:26 PM
Response to Reply #3
12. Add more spoons to the cup.
Spoons behave best in a "pack' environment. It's quite possible that you have a lonely, angry spoon.
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Zomby Woof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:20 PM
Response to Original message
4. And have Susang check her inbox NOW
It is urgent she knows I have a serious mea culpa waiting for her.
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:28 PM
Response to Reply #4
14. Mea Culpas require immediate medical attention!
Which should only be administered at your local Olive Garden.

They are the only ones with a salad bar that can meet the challenge.
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Zomby Woof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:30 PM
Response to Reply #14
16. If they're like chick peas
Do not put them in your nose. Dan Quayle told me this.
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AuntiBush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:21 PM
Response to Original message
5. Suffering from Bushitphobia...
Can you help?
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:28 PM
Response to Reply #5
15. Yes.
But I won't.
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nutsnberries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:21 PM
Response to Original message
6. does this look infected to you?
no pic - just couldn't resist pretending to be David Letterman.

hi BatBoy, I'm afraid of bats, tell me why I shouldn't be afraid of you.
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:30 PM
Response to Reply #6
17. No, it doesn't look infected.
It looks dead and should be immediately removed.

And you shouldn't be afraid of me, because when you aren't it makes it easier for me to sneak up on you.
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nutsnberries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:37 PM
Response to Reply #17
22. geez,
that's exactly why I'm afraid of them!

they've snuck up on me more than once! :scared: :scared: :scared:

don't, ok? just don't - pleez.
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:39 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. I wouldn't dream of it.
Edited on Thu Jan-13-05 11:40 PM by Bat Boy
Ooh! Look at the monkey! Look at the monkey!
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nutsnberries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:49 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. monkey? where?

oh!

:cry:
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:50 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. Booga Booga!
God I love doing that....
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crispini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:21 PM
Response to Original message
7. I have an extra toe.
Should I amputate it myself?
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:32 PM
Response to Reply #7
18. No. Never attempt to amputate spare digits.
Add new ones until you achieve symmetry.
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crispini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:33 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. LOL.
I'll get right on that. :7
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PartyPooper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:27 PM
Response to Original message
13. This thread is against DU rules!
It's against the law to give out medical advice on this forum.

:D

:hi:
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Bat Boy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-13-05 11:33 PM
Response to Reply #13
19. The law of nature...
But I've broken that before.
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