Gents, you do NOT have the worst ex-GF in the world. Mr Jones does.

Bucky

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Fri Jan-14-05 01:54 AM
Original message

Gents, you do NOT have the worst ex-GF in the world. Mr Jones does.

Trust me on this, fellas. Next time you want to gripe about your woman or your former significant other, you remember the cautionary tale of Geoffrey Jones.

A woman today admitted ripping off her ex-boyfriend�s testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her ex-lover, 37-year-old Geoffrey Jones, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party.
She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That�s yours."
Monti, of Birkenhead, Merseyside, pleaded guilty to wounding at Liverpool Crown Court today and will be sentenced next month.

In a related story, the British are no longer to be considered more sophisticated than us. Kudos to Ron Davis's Chatter Blog for this one.

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Taverner

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Fri Jan-14-05 01:55 AM
Response to Original message

1. YIKES!

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wtmusic

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Fri Jan-14-05 01:56 AM
Response to Original message

2. What do you think his nickname will be?

Oh never mind.

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 01:58 AM
Response to Reply #2

4. One-Nut Johnny?

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JVS

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:00 AM
Response to Reply #2

6. What do you think HER nickname will be?

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Kire

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:02 AM
Response to Reply #6

9. Testicle Tearer

or, Terror (get it?)

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:04 AM
Response to Reply #6

10. Oh that's easy

Ball-Buster

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wtmusic

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:15 AM
Response to Reply #2

20. Sidesaddle n/t

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:16 AM
Response to Reply #20

21. LMFAO!!!!!

Ok we have a winner. Sidesaddle. Oh my God.

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pres2032

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Fri Jan-14-05 01:56 AM
Response to Original message

3. ooowwww

that's a special kind of hurt right there

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:00 AM
Response to Original message

5. Oddly, I keep trying to picture this

I mean HOW does one rip ONE testicle off? What, did she use her fingernails to get it started, kinda like you have to do with an orange peel?

Or did she just grab and pull so hard it just popped out?

And my God, didn't he have problems with bleeding, etc?

How did they treat him?

I'm so concerned for this guy. Not even Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction did that to Michael Douglas and she was fucking NUTS (no pun intended).

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pres2032

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:02 AM
Response to Reply #5

8. that's unitentionally the funniest post made tonight!

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:01 AM
Response to Original message

7. Oh, um, my.

From the article:

Monti initially tried to hide the testicle by putting it in her mouth, but released it. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

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Dookus

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:04 AM
Response to Reply #7

11. and your username

just mocks the whole sad situation. Shame!

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:05 AM
Response to Reply #11

13. ...

:bounce: :bounce:

At least I have two balls.

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Bucky

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:05 AM
Response to Reply #7

14. Why not re-attach? It's been cleaned after all.

Sorry.

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:10 AM
Response to Reply #14

16. I think maybe it's really hard to do that.

Aren't there all kinds of tiny little blood vessels and then there is the vas deferens which can't be easy to reattach.

I mean maybe they could pop it back in there and kinda sew up his scrotum but the testicle wouldn't be attached to anything, it'd just be kinda free floating in there and what if it got wedged up on the other side or in his body or something?

I think they have to be anchored somehow.

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nickgutierrez

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:05 AM
Response to Original message

12. Everybody is missing the best part of the story.

What the hell was the friend thinking? Ok, he hands the guy his testicle, saying "that's yours." He must have been laughing his ass off...

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #12

15. I think the best part was that she tried to HIDE the testicle in her MOUTH

like he'd go, "Wait, I seem to be missing something. Hmmm, what is it?" And he'd like, totally forget or something and she could say

"Your testicle? Testicle? Like your NUT? Um, why? Is it missing? Which one? Wow. Yeah, I have no idea, I haven't seen it."

But of course, this would all be very muffled and strange sounding because of the testicle in her mouth. I guess she could just say she had a very large wad of gum.

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nickgutierrez

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:12 AM
Response to Reply #15

17. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Edited on Fri Jan-14-05 02:12 AM by antiwarwarrior

I'm in tears here. My stomach hurts and my sides are sore. This is some of the funniest stuff I've read in a while.

The guy's friend is still intriguing to me. For one, why is he even a part of this story? What must that phone call have been like?

Victim: "Hey buddy, she bit off my nut, man."
Friend: (waking up) "Who? What? Your who?"
Victim: "My nut, you idiot. She bit off. My. Testicle."
Friend: "Dude. That must suck."
Victim: "Fuck you. Get your ass over here."

The friend must have been pissed. So it only makes sense that he has some smart-ass comment like "this is yours" upon finding the missing part.

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:14 AM
Response to Reply #17

19. Remember they are British

Edited on Fri Jan-14-05 02:14 AM by Bouncy Ball

it would TOTALLY be like them to hand a poor sop his nut and say "Yeah I found this, I think it's yours." ("I asked some of the other wankers in there and no one else was missing a nut.")

They are the MASTER of the understatement.

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slutticus

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:13 AM
Response to Original message

18. OMFG

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:18 AM
Response to Reply #18

23. Hey aren't you Dr. Slutticus now?

How hard would it be to reattach a testicle?

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slutticus

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:25 AM
Response to Reply #23

25. I'm not that kinda doctor!

:scared:

I'm still trying to figure out how only one testicle got ripped of and not the whole sac.

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:31 AM
Response to Reply #25

26. This is what I think happened.

I think when she grabbed and pulled hard (and thank GOD he was really drunk! Whew!) she ripped the scrotum (she had to), quite possibly near his body, and the left testicle was ripped out in the process (tearing the vas deferens and all the little blood vessels, etc) and came out where what rip was.

:shrug:

I'm not even a doctor at all, but I dunno.

Hey, what kind of doctor are you? And congrats! Was it recent?

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slutticus

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:58 AM
Response to Reply #26

29. Man. That just hurts me deeply.

.....anyway...

Thanks.
I got my PhD in chemical engineering, I defended my dissertation in september and I technically graduated in December. Right now I'm sending out cover letters and CVs to some personal contacts. I will be up all night.

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Bouncy Ball

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:17 AM
Response to Original message

22. Think about this PARTY, though!!!

I mean have YOU ever had a party where you said "What the hell is THAT? Is that a testicle over there? Damn, HEY!!! WHO'S MISSING A NUT??? IS THIS YOURS?"

I mean THAT is a party.

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Neoma

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:23 AM
Response to Reply #22

24. haha yeah thats a good point

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Kire

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:39 AM
Response to Original message

27. Maybe she's pissed she's not Mrs. Jones

They could have had a thing going on.

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nickgutierrez

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Fri Jan-14-05 02:40 AM
Response to Reply #27

28. As it turned out, a thing came off instead.

:evilgrin:

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