Another parrot joke

An elderly woman bought a parrot. She asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays.
The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.
She bought the parrot and the next week put him on her shoulder and went off to church.
Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's damned cold in here!"

Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarrassment!
The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarrassing situation to the owner.
The owner offered the following solution, "If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5 times and return him to your shoulder."

So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as the sermon started the parrot squawked, "Its damned cold in here!"

Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 times and placed him back on her shoulder.
The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty fuckin' windy, too!"

A burglar breaks into a house real late at night and as he is sneaking around the house with his flashlight, he hears a voice that loudly says "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!".

The burglar, thinking he has been caught, stops in his tracks.

Silence.

So he starts looking through the house again when suddenly he hears, "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!".

Again the burglar stops in his tracks.

After a few minutes he hears nothing, so he starts moving around again, and as before, hears "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!".

This time he hunts for the voice and finds a parrot sitting on a perch.

The burglar askes the parrot if he said that and the parrot said "YES".

The burglar laughs and says "so, whats your name birdie?", and the Parrot replies "Moses".

The burglar laughs even more and says, "What kind of idiot would name a Parrot "Moses"?

The parrot replies "THE SAME IDIOT THAT NAMED THE ROTTWEILLER "JESUS".

:headbang:
n/t