A Review of "Assualt on Precient 13" written by me

yeah, pure vanity post, but I just got done with this for my college's newspaper. Enjoy!

A
Assault on Bad Action Flicks
by "Tweed"


Action movies from Hollywood tend to fall in two categories. There is a “Spider-Man II”, “Spartan”, “Die Hard” category where the movie actually provides great acting, an intriguing plot line, and cinematography that burns into your mind. Then there is a “S.W.A.T.”, “xXx” (Vin Diesel), and “Terminator 3” (governor of California) category. You can usually tell these two categories apart by looking at two factors: the amount of money spent on the advertising campaign and the presence of Samuel L. Jackson. The more you have of both, the more your movie is going to fall in the S.W.A.T., xXx, etc. category.

How can you tell this works? I forgot Samuel Jackson was in xXx, I just happened to come up with those three movies right away off the top of my head and lo and behold when I went to imdb.com I saw Mr. Jackson was in that terrible Vin Diesel star vehicle. It’s interesting to note that Samuel L. Jackson is quite good at his profession, but his role choosing could use a little bit of assistance.

So using my two tier system, I went into Assault of Precinct 13 thinking it was going to fall into my first category (no Sam and no HUGE advertising). I can gladly tell you that my formula shows no signs of falling apart.

Ethan Hawke stars as Jake Roenick, a police sergeant of an ancient police building located in the thirteenth precinct of Detorit. It’s so old that it was built near factories when they still had workers in them.

Laurence Fishbourne plays Marion Bishop, a crime lord who is finally tracked down by the police and facing some serious jail time. Once he is all processed it’s time to move him and other prisoners to a high security prison outside of Detorit. On the ride to the prison, a huge snowstorm comes in and the prison transportation bus ends up being diverted to Roenick’s station.

It being New Year’s Eve, the station is manned by two police officers and a secretary. Five police officers total guarding an old police station in the middle of factories that is now housing Detroit’s biggest crime lord. You can probably see where this is going.

People come to free Bishop and they aren’t going to play nice. All radio activity is blocked, cell phone frequencies are shut down, and the sly guys outside even shut down the power for the station. It all works out very nicely, but the premise doesn’t seem corny at all. It’s downright frightening.

Roenick and his crew see the amount of people and weaponry outside pile higher and higher. They throw a brick in the window that says “Bishop”. It’s clear what they want and that they are prepared to kill anyone to get it. As easy as freeing Bishop would be, Roenick is plagued by a botched undercover job that cost his partner’s their lives eight months earlier and he’s not about to let down the police department again. That drama as well as how to deal with being significantly outmanned, how you defend a terribly old building, and how you keep the prisoners quiet while being locked up all play on Roenick’s mind.

I just gave away the first 15 minutes of the movie and I’m not going to tell you anything more. This film is packed with suspense and drama. Keep an eye out for celebrities, there are so many in this movie, I didn’t even recognize all of them. These aren’t cameo either. Everyone gets a fair amount of screen time and delivers in the way good ensemble members should. It may be to gory for some, but guys, avoid using this movie as a first date or as a night out for your queasy girlfriend, and you’ll be in for quite a treat. It won’t win any Oscars, but all action movies this year should take note. The bar was just raised insanely high.

Good review though. Although anyone familiar with the original will not have anything spoiled by your review. We all know the setup. :D

You have to consider my audience, college kids. They don't even know about the first remake, let alone the original. I know I didn't until I did my research.