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ironflange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 09:55 PM
Original message
Post your favorite punch lines here!
So the bartender says to the frog, "Goddamn it, this is the last time I show you how to do this!"

:bounce:
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Philostopher Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 09:55 PM
Response to Original message
1. And the penguin says,
"No, no! It's just ice cream!"
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 09:57 PM
Response to Original message
2. The Surrey Girl says
Nah they chip my teeth!
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pasadenaboy Donating Member (877 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 09:57 PM
Response to Original message
3. punchline
Because its rated Aaaarrrrgh!
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seamarq Donating Member (159 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:00 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. so the dog says....
"I've never had 20 bucks before!"
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damnraddem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 09:59 PM
Response to Original message
4. "No, nurse, I told you to ...
prick his boil!"
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phaseolus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
5. So Mickey Mouse (tm) says
"Naah, she was fuckin' goofy."
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Ivory_Tower Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:01 PM
Response to Original message
7. And the second guy says
"Nah, I couldn't find the head."

(One of the sicker jokes I know...)
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5thGenDemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
8. ...And the groom says
"That's okay, Father -- they won't let us into the A&P any more, either."
John
You'd have to hear the joke, though.
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Sal316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:05 PM
Response to Original message
9. Scoutmaster says you gonna die!
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Sal316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:05 PM
Response to Original message
10. You don't understand... chunks is my dog!
:eyes:
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NightTrain Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:07 PM
Response to Original message
11. WARNING: This one is pretty ill!

So the farmer tells the traveling salesman, "Oh, those were maggots. My daughter's been dead for 12 years!"
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Ladyhawk Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:12 PM
Response to Original message
12. Do you think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?
n/t
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:16 PM
Response to Original message
13. a pig like that...
ya don't eat all at once!
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NightTrain Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:19 PM
Response to Original message
14. So Steve Buscemi says...

"If I'd known there was an octopus in my shorts, I'd have ordered the rice pilaf!"
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Ilsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:25 PM
Response to Original message
15. So the grasshopper asks the bartender,
"Why would anyone name a drink 'Bob'?"
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catzies Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:26 PM
Response to Original message
16. "Because he can!"
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never cry wolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:27 PM
Response to Original message
17. They taste funny.............n/t
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kanrok Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:33 PM
Response to Original message
18. Paulina, Melvina and...Lunt
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XNASA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:43 AM
Response to Reply #18
57. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
I know that one.
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qwertyMike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:42 PM
Response to Original message
19. "It looks like this"
(Spoken with twisted mouth)
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JohnnyAmerica Donating Member (186 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:44 PM
Response to Original message
20. "20 bucks, same as downtown" n/t
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mitchum Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 10:47 PM
Response to Original message
21. "Me too...you could drive a truck through mine!"
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ronzo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
22. so the guy says "dammit, I said SIT on my face."
eom
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 11:12 PM
Response to Original message
23. "Coffee break's over - everyone back on your heads."
:evilgrin:
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woofless Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 11:54 PM
Response to Original message
24. The father slaps his forehead and says
Dayumm girl, I forgot I promised the car to your brother.
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alphafemale Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-14-03 11:58 PM
Response to Original message
25. But, this one's eating my popcorn!!!!
That one got me grounded once.

It was worth it!

:evilgrin:
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Pert_UK Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 12:09 AM
Response to Original message
26. Oh I'm sorry, I thought you said "organist"! Or....4 skin divers....
:evilgrin:

P.
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 12:19 AM
Response to Original message
27. Sister Mary says to St. Peter.....
..."...may I gargle with that holy water before Sister Margret washes her ass in it!!: :o :o :o :evilgrin:
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VOX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 04:24 AM
Response to Reply #27
39. Variant: Sister mary says, "Move over girls, I gotta gargle!"
:toast:
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:10 AM
Response to Original message
28. "...I think t'ther fellers from Arkansas!"
.....giddit...Umhum I RECKON!
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Twillig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:15 AM
Response to Original message
29. And the alter boy says:
a bag of chips and a soda...
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Kenneth ken Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:17 AM
Response to Original message
30. and if he hadn't
Edited on Wed Oct-15-03 01:23 AM by Kennethken
been lying on top of her, she would have gone!

(thanks to MrScorpio for reminding me of that joke)
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moof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:17 AM
Response to Original message
31. Flashlight!!!! Heck help me find my keys & we'll drive out.
n/t
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RandomKoolzip Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:39 AM
Response to Original message
32. "That's why he's so mean!"
Obligatory Firesign Theatre reference, sorry.
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woofless Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:43 AM
Response to Reply #32
34. Hey Random
do you post on Phil Austin's blog?

Woof
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Cat Atomic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:42 AM
Response to Original message
33. Don't worry- that's not my *finger*.
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nemo137 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:55 AM
Response to Original message
35. and then the bartender said "i'm gonna arrest your cat!" n/t
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jafap Donating Member (654 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:09 AM
Response to Original message
36. there I was, sitting in this refrigerator
Dog looks at him and says: "Mantle?"

Wife says: "karate, my ass!"

That horse don't know nothing about carburators

Superman, you can be a real pisser when you are drunk.
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trigz Donating Member (679 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:23 AM
Response to Original message
37. so the Pope says, 'don't worry, the Swede took my rucksack' (n/t)
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VOX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 04:21 AM
Response to Original message
38. "Well that wasn't so bad. Now, where's that alligator?"
:evilgrin:
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coda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 04:34 AM
Response to Original message
40. "Oh very well, I'LL hold the chickens!"
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peacefreak Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:11 AM
Response to Original message
41. So the banker says...
"it's a nic-nac Patty Mac, give the frog a loan."
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av8rdave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:19 AM
Response to Original message
42. "...in Viet Nam"
Short punchline, GREAT joke

av8rdave
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WoodrowFan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:25 AM
Response to Original message
43. um is this 555-1212??? (NT)
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:43 AM
Response to Original message
44. "Okay! Okay! I'll do the dishes!"
:evilgrin:
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arwalden Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:46 AM
Response to Original message
45. That's No Lady... That's My WIFE!
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:47 AM
Response to Original message
46. And a voice rings out, "If you do, I won't go get the money."
nm
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scrutineer Donating Member (992 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:09 AM
Response to Original message
47. So the duck says,
“Don’t worry about it, guys. You can put it on my bill.”
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:14 AM
Response to Original message
48. And the priest says, "Kid, you just never quit, do you?"
nm
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:16 AM
Response to Original message
49. And the bartender says,"Hey, why the long face?"
heeheehee
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MaineDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:20 AM
Response to Original message
50. "Help, my boyfriend's stuck"
My all-time favorite joke! :D
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peekaloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:22 AM
Response to Original message
51. Actually it says, "Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day".
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:25 AM
Response to Original message
52. "Whattya mean, there's no such thing as Tuesday Night Football?!"
nm
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bif Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 08:33 AM
Response to Original message
53. "Pretty big word for a 6 year old"
.
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pdx_prog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:37 AM
Response to Original message
54. and the blonde says,
"sure, just don't hit me in the head like that."
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pdx_prog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:38 AM
Response to Original message
55. and the farmers daughter said,
"what's the matter paw did he fuck you too?!?"
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:40 AM
Response to Original message
56. "So the butler stuck his d*ck in the mashed potatos."
The late humorist H. Allen Smith wrote a whole chapter about trying to find the joke for which this was (supposedly) the punchline.
Hilarious.
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:43 AM
Response to Original message
58. And the President says, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
nm
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bif Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:45 AM
Response to Original message
59. So they don't leave trails like slugs
n/t
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:47 AM
Response to Original message
60. "Gee, that's a hard one!"
nm
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:53 AM
Response to Original message
61. Nobody cries when they chop up a bagpipe!
nm
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BarbaRosa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 10:56 AM
Response to Original message
62. And then the bartender sez to
Superman. "You know, Superman, after a few beers you get real nasty."
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WoodrowFan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 12:54 PM
Response to Original message
63. A benny shaved is a benny urned
told that one to my wife on our first date. she laughed and it was love!
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ironflange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:03 PM
Response to Original message
64. The priest says,
"Don't start that bullshit again!"
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Guaranteed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:03 PM
Response to Original message
65. So then the shrink says, "Well, first off, I can see yer nuts."
HA! LOVE that one.
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Character Assassin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:05 PM
Response to Original message
66. It says "sprocket" not "socket"!
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Undemcided Donating Member (225 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 07:33 PM
Response to Original message
67. and his friend shouts out
"turn her over"
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