OK. DU guys I need advice

My wife wants to go to a B-Day Party in N. Virginia this weekend. I dont wanna go. I love Andrea very much (her friend) but I dont want to sit at her palce, then sit at her brother's place on Sunday. I would rather stay at home and clean the gutters and start winterizing the Demman estates. Should I lie and say I am sick, or just tell her to go, and do housework? arrgghhh I dont wanna go. Getting muddy sounds like so much more fun.


DDQM?

You better just do it. If she truly doesn't care, stay home. I love weekends at home alone.

Why should he have to be dragged along if he doesn't want to go just because she says so? I'm a gal who likes having a lot of time alone (the curse of growing up an only child, lol!), which is probably why I'm 38 and have never been married (that's a whole other thread!), and I've never understood why married people have to give up so much of their freedom and their own time. If you don't want to go, don't go. Your wife's not your mother!

I was the "baby" sister to 3 brothers ... need I explain further why I'm now 43 and still single??

Demman, whatever you do, talk it over with her and be honest. Honesty is almost always the best policy.

And, if you have to go, just do a lot of drinking. That's what I do! Usually I get so wasted that I make a total ass of myself, and my g/f's friends never invite us over again. Problem solved!

Talk is amazingly therapeutic, whatever you decide. Get your feelings out and let her be open too. Get her to say what she really wants and how she would feel if you didn't go. Good luck.

I just can't see planning my life around what someone else wants or expects me to do. And why do couples feel like they have to do everything together? I just don't get it. What am I missing? :shrug:

She is extremely sociable. I am not. I just dont wanna go


DDQM

reason I've never been married (not that I don't love the guys, though, lol)! I guess the trick is to marry someone who feels the same way you do. Believe it or not, I do know several couples who give each other the space and freedom they need and they seem to have the best marriages.

What really cracks me up is my married friends asking ME for marital advice! I'm almost 39 years old, have never been married, and it's been thirteen years since I've lived with anyone. So why do they think I'd be able to help them with any marital problems, lol!

have to do everything together can be making a huge mistake. One reason my hubby and I have remained married for twenty-three years so far is that we continue to do things apart from each other on occasion. We each have interests the other doesn't share. One will want to go to a social event the other one doesn't want. Okay, there are times when he or I will go to something we'd rather not go to because someone else (family, workmates) wouldn't completely understand.

Do talk it over.

If not, your wife will make your life miserable.

It's better to just be miserable voluntarily.

:)

Let your wife come home to a house with clean gutters and a happy husband.

I'm happily married, and my husband and I give each other a lot of space.

Tell her honey I love you, your friends, and family, but there is a lot of work that needs done here, and this would be a good time to get it done.

doing housework is a damn noble thing to do, as long as your wife can see some results when you get back. If you really don't feel up to it, just tell her that, but don't make a habit of avoiding all of her family gatherings in the future (a one-time "i really don't feel up to it" is fine IMHO, but if it's a habitual procedure, then some real issues could start developing). Just tell her how you really fell, she should be cool with it (I guess, what do i know, I'm not even married:)

or if I don't want to go somewhere with him, then we each do our own thing. We're married, not joined at the hip. We didn't become Siamese twins when we signed our marriage license. I've never understood why both spouses have to attend everything together. Now, granted, I hate going anywhere near either of our families, and usually won't go visit my family without my husband as a buffer, but if he doesn't want to go, I just don't go either. I don't generally want anything to do with them either. Sometimes we visit his family together and sometimes he goes alone. I don't understand couples that do everything in tandem - what are they, a pair of horses?

(and don't get me started on couples that dress alike and buy matching cars...)

:wtf:.... A big no!!

DDQM

Was it always like this in your relationship or a more recent phenomenon?

Also, thanks to all the people who spoke up about living separate lives as a couple. You're lucky to have found that.

:wtf:

and yes she wanted matching shirts. I have only been mnarried since May!!


DDQM

Your wife sounds like a really sweet woman...almost TOO sweet. :-)

and denim shorts.

:bounce:

Aida & Egan I thnk it says. The make such a wonderful fashion one-two.

:bounce:

DDQM

Should I tell them the story about your last year Christmas presents for you and your wife


DDQM

Last Christmas both my wife and I got fleece pullovers from my mother. One green (my favorite color) and one blue.

And we don't wear them to the mall. I don't go to the mall because I made a pain of myself the first time and she doesn't ask me to go any more. You HAVE to train them or eventually they will act up. Geez I can't keep giving these lessons for free.

:bounce::evilgrin:

"You HAVE to train them or eventually they will act up."

I bet she is just as busy training YOU! ;-)

She's trying but I have way more rules.

Actually yesterday when I got home (I'm always home first) I:
cleaned the litter box
Washed the dishes
cooked a pizza in the oven
took out the trash

I'm trying to reestablish the cleanliness that I enjoyed during my bachelor days.

ON EDIT-Laundry tonight. I always do the laundry (laundromat too not in the apartment)

I would LOVE someone to reestablish the cleanliness in my house. :D So, where can I get me one like you? ;-)

I do the laundry, cook four times a week. I should make it seven cause she can tear a kitchen apart. She has never cleaned that cat box or taken out the trash, or scrubbed the bathroom.

edit-she will vacuum and dust.


DDQM

You can't stand a nasty gutter...and it'll be bugging you all weekend.

It all depends on whether you occssionally go to family and other social events with your wife. I often prefer to hang with my sisters and close friends alone. Sometimes, I'm just feeling that I need his company and need to be a couple. Othertimes, I just want time alone when he goes to see his friends and family. It works both ways. This weekend I insisted that my husband come out with me to help my parents move furniture. In a few weeks or sometime, he will insist I attend some event.

So, just ask your wife. Explain what you want and why and learn what she wants and why. Then figure out a compromise.

Less painful then going, but certainly a good reason not to.

:D

"Love means always having to say you're sorry."

If you don't want to go, you may end up being grumpy anyway and she still gets pissed. Just tell her how you feel.