Gossiping

- Is it gossiping if what you're saying is the truth?
- Or is it the fact that it's none-of-our-business that makes it gossiping?
- If someone only LISTENS to gossip (but never repeats gossip) are they guilty of gossiping?

At my old job, I absolutely NEVER ever EVER would gossip about anyone. When someone started gossiping, I would excuse myself from the group... or if it was a 1-on-1 conversation, I'd gently remind that person that I really didn't want to hear about someone's private life.

As a result... everyone felt comfortable talking to ME about their private lives. For whatever reason, I was the trusted keeper of secrets. --- I learned MORE about people by NOT talking and NOT listening to gossip... simply because they told me themselves.

-- Allen


Edited: Clarity. Inserted a missing word.

Contrary to popular myth... gossiping is not a women-only thing.

-- Allen

I get all the really juicy tidbits from my guy friends.

Here are some of the best gossip stories I've heard so far.

Story that an annoying girl (a Republican to boot) from High School came home from 1st year of college pregnant was told to me by one of my male friends the September after it happened. I had missed that because I went to Germany right after the freshman year of college. I immediately went home and woke up my room mate at 1:30 AM to let him know, he had been at fort Sill Oklahoma all summer. Rather than being angry at being awakened at the late hour, he engaged in a 90 minute celebratory dance around the appartment in which he took great delight in the fact that she had "ruined her life".

Another time I was talking to a friend from High School and I told her that I had been at the wedding of a classmate. She told me that the bride had engaged in pre-marital sex during high-school, not a big deal normally, but if you knew the person involved you'd have been shocked.

This same friend seems to have some resentfulness toward other class members because she told me that another classmate had gotten married, moved to New Jersey and grown a "Huge Ass!" I found it interesting that she actually felt a compulsion to talk about someone's ass growing huge.

I'm a listener too. I hear all kinds of stuff people don't tell their partners, much less total strangers. :crazy:

The quickest way for me to take a mental vacation from any conversation is to start gossiping.

Where's the breakpoint? Hmmm. Probably a judgement call more than anything. I like hearing about people to the extend of how they're doing, if they're happy or having problems, etc. But when it delves into the realm of speculation and backstabbing is where I have the problem with it.

People I've Known (The Gossip)
(All rhymes are forced)

You’re kidding! He did! I never knew!
She's not! He won't! The news did spew.
I've always wondered how it is
the biggest gossip knows everyone's biz?
Who's foolish enough to tell this one,
after listening, just what you've done.
Mary wouldn't! I know her much too well.
She'd not tell her boss to go to hell.
As for Jack, he's a good family man,
and I just can't believe what you said of Jan.
Oh, well, yes, Bruce did come on kind of strong.
Your kidding! I'd believe anything he did wrong.
Did I tell you the reason he did marry?
But this tale to no one you must carry!
Yes, we do seem to like the same sort of folk.
Maybe she trusts only me with her talk.
Oh, By the way, you dare not repeat,
but I've got this fetish about feet.......

(just meant to amuse-but true!)

Gossip may be true but the more times it is told, the more likely it is to get exaggerated. I see nothing wrong in listening to gossip as long as one keeps in mind that it may or may not be true and does not repeat it. I think of it as simply being informed on the beliefs of your coworkers because such things may have a bearing on how your coworkers relate. I have tried to be more careful about not talking about other people.

And even then, it's only information that I hear second-hand. If a friend tells me something about themselves, I never pass it on. So I guess you can say that gossip never starts with me, but sometimes I am a conduit. My husband NEVER gossips. I'm not sure if he has a problem with it or that other people's lives just don't interest him.

...is extremely unprofessional.

At my first job, some older women spread the rumor that I was a "witch". As in someone who practices witchcraft or something (Wiccans please don't take offense - their concept of witch came more from horror movies). There was a lot of whispering and looking at me out of the corner of their eyes, etc.

There are a few people at my current job who gossip about other co-workers and badmouth them out loud. There is one man in particular who has said something negative about every other person I work with. I know he has said things about me as well. When we toured another firm, he said that he had once worked there and then he badmouthed all of them as well. I think he just enjoys stepping all over people and screwing them. What's worse is that he keeps advancing.

This sort of thing destroys trust in the workplace. What's worse is that he has stepped over another woman by badmouthing her and smearing her, and he continues to say mean things about her. I can't stand to listen to it, but fortunately I don't have to work with him every day.

It is alright to say bad things about people here, but you must make sure that it never gets back to them. He was completely serious. That was a comment that he made during my evaluation.

It's important to know who's in and who's out.

to decide...and I have never been proven wrong in my silence...over time!!!

#2 - Never socialize with people you work with, it is only giving them ammunition for gossip.

#3 - If a person is being persecuted by everyone...confront the main gossiper while everyone is in in the room...ask the gossiper if 'such' is true about 'them' while both the 'gossiper' and the 'them' are in the room together.

#4 - Picture gossipers in a circle, each with a knife in the back of the person in front, cause gossipers belong in a clique and if they gossip about one person they will gossip about all!

I am on the board of an arts organization, and I am afraid that I am not immune to chatting about folks. But it never gets out of hand; after all, we're :-)