a question about marriage

Setting aside exceptions for mental or physical abuse or horrible crimes against others, do you believe -- for yourself -- in "until death do we part?"

i left the house angry this morning.

right now, i can't answer that question.

best to you this AM :pals:

yes, i believe in it. with all my heart.
but this morning i was thinking about how practical that really is. and how difficult. :)

We do what we can. :)

:hug:

I'd give you plenty else besides if you were closer (though I'm currently out of the promised Veuve Cliquot :( ).

I posted in haste and in a moment of frustration. Progdad is the best, and I can't imagine my life without him.

Thanks, though. :hug:

the ones who mean the most to us - that are the ones which drive us most mad.

Glad that all's okay really - you can have a :hug: anytime though.

B.T.W. I haven't seen your co-pilot around recently - is he just snowed under (metaphorically) down in N.M.?

we've been in touch. he's fine, just letting "real life" take over for awhile. i expect him back here soon, though. :)

too bad my ex didn't share my beliefs

why even get married, just co-habitate.

:crazy:

Nothing is definite, but you plan for it to be. This time it is forever.

I would say, at least 30. My Mom, concerned my my single state at age 33, asked me whether I was Gay and I responded, not particularly - I am merely skipping my first marriage. My Mom, having been married three times, and giving birth to me at age 19, understood perfectly.

My wife said she married me mostly because she thought I would be someone she could be old with, well that and I can cook.

not gay just skipping my first marriage. :hi:

Matter of fact, I don't believe in marriage at all, anymore. It seems archaic and obsolete. I think it also gives people a false sense of security, enabling them or encouraging them to behave in ways they might not if they thought it would jeopardize the relationship.

Hell... I hardly believe in co-habitation anymore.

Edit - but for some reason I voted "other"... I guess I want to believe it's possible...

I say yes, but the question asked, "for yourself," and I am not married.

married myself. I've seen people that were just nor meant for marriage get divorced and have a remarkable relationship as friends, and the kids are far better off as well. I mean, this couple did nothing but fight (no extracurriculars, they just didn't get along), but once they separated, they were the best of friends.

I've seen similar situations, not quite as extreme, with others.

Perhaps the problem is not that it's too easy to get divorced, it's too easy to get married...

unless they are crazy. But things happen to the best of marriages. My best friend from high school just separated from her husband of 13 years. They were rock solid 5 years ago. Now, she hates his guts because of mean things he has said during arguments.

because Goddess forbid, if something happened and he became abusive, refused treatment for a substance abuse problem or cheated and was unrepentent or repeated the offense, refused counseling for any of the above, then death wouldn't be the end of it, I wouldn't wait that long.

Certainly I don't believe any of that could happen in my marriage. Mr WildClarySage is too nice, calm and settled for those things. I'm sure, too that he would say the same about me if I were to engage in those things.

If, as I said, any of those things should occur, I'd opt out. I would be miserable, it would hurt like hell and our children wouldn't be happy about it. But I'd survive a divorce and learn to make the best of my situation.

but people change... if they wander off onto another path and you become strangers... there's no sense in staying together. Maybe if you added infidelity to your exception list, my opinion would be different. But that's the one thing that has broken that bond for me in the past.

sorry :hi:

well, I'd say no definitely not.

I voted yes only because the phrasing requires to answer for my won feelings. Got married at 19 with a kid on the way and its only been (almost) 25 years now, so far it has just kept getting better.

Unfortunately, there are people I know who should not be married, one or the other (or both) are miserable, make each other miserable by their incomaptibility, yet there is no physical abuse or horrible crimes, or infidelity.

On the other hand, I have threatened the wife with divorce after our 100th anniverary. I figure if I'm still around by then I want to play the field (LOL).

But she don't

been with the same person for almost 25 years, through a lot of different challenges... including parenthood. That was probably the most challenging of all, at least at first.

(although there are certainly times when I think monogamy is a very weird concept!) ;)

I don't really think humans are naturally monogamous; most who are married long enough will stray, eventually, in thought if not deed. Lifelong committed monogamy is a lovely romantic ideal, but human nature makes it damned hard to live up to.

And even if you make an exception for occasional extracurricular activities, the mutability of the human personality over the course of a lifetime makes predicting long-term compatibility a fool's game.

The romantic in me would like to believe in it, but the pragmatist just shakes his head and laughs.

programmed to procreate with different members of the species due to specific physical traits in our genitalia.

And think about it. Most of us have been in love more than once. We don't settle for the first person that we fall in love with, so why would we only love once and forever.

but my husband and I are more crazy in love today, than when we got married. Our 12 year anniversary was yesterday.

On occasion, the stars align just right, and I think you really do find your soul-mate.

So yes, I believe.

Obviously, abuse and the like can cause the spirits to sever from each other forever. But, if two are in love and the love lasts, I don't believe that will end, even in death. Mainly because I see that the creator (be it male or female, but I really think it's beyond our comprehension) would not want us to lose the ones we love, forever. That being said, I am very much in love with my wife and the daughter she and I have together and my step daughter. I am enriched by all involved.

second and third marriages fail. Maybe, I would say no to 'until death do we part'...but, everyone I know who left an intact marriage to 'be free' ended up marrying someone else...and in a shorter time period, after their first divorce, than you would think...and most of these marriages sank.




Tikki