One oif the funniest conversations I've ever overheard...

Two women at Costco:

#1: I had problems with my back last year.
#2: What did you do about it?
#1: I went to Lourdes.
#2: In France?
#1: Is there another one?
#2: Why did you go to an art museum for a bad back?

*sigh*

:rofl: :rofl: Oh man, that sounds like a Jack Benny skit. :hi:

and Gracie Allen.

:rofl:

ME: "You're going up north this weekend, right? Did you decide where you're going to go?"

HER: "Yeah....a few places. Depends where I could get reservations. A lot of places are booked."

ME: "Do you have a general vicinity? I'm just curious."

HER: "Um, yeah. South Haven."

ME: "South Haven is not up north."

HER: "Yeah, it's west. But it's easier to just say up north."

ME: "Why is is easier to say something that's west is north?"

HER: "Because, well, you know..."

And, yes, this is word for word.

At our sorority suite, after a party

My friend Helen: Did you meet Irene (Greek last name)?
Me: I did. How do you know her?
Helen: She's Creten
Me: How can you say that?!!! I thought she was really nice! She seemed really bright!!!
Helen: No, Pattie, not cretin - Creten - both of our families are from Crete, you idiot, (shakes head)

I was walking through the mall, i was about to meet this girl for the first time at a restaurant. i was nervous as hell. then i heard this conversation between two women.

1: Yeah, it was all well and good.
2: What happened?
1: Well. Then the dogs came through.

I just got the mental picture of a tidal wave of dogs slamming into everything ruining everything they touched and biting the bottoms of these women.

It was a good coversation topic with the girl, who I started dating immediately following that date. :-)

:hide:

Him: You want some coffee?
Me: Sure.
Him: How much do you want want?
Me: I don't know; one or two cups.
Him: Well, one cup or two?
Me: Y'know, one or two cups...
Him: ........
Me: Why don't we just make half a pot for us?
Him: HALF A POT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Me: Maybe I'll just skip the coffee, thanks.

In bursts a bawdy man dressed as Captain Morgan, insulting everyone while his buxom pirate-ettes hand out key chains and other cheap swag. A woman staggers over, braces herself on the ladies room door frame and whisper to herself..."That was the fucking CAPITAN." SHe had this stunned awe that I previously though was reserved for meeting the Dali Lama or Nelson Mandella, not some actor handing out bumper stickers.
:rofl:

:rofl:

Ever been to Stand Up Franks?

I haven't been there since the 1990's though.

Have you ever gone to the Red Dragon on Lyndale? That is an experience too. Never, ever eat there though. Montezuma is on staff.

My friend was earnestly telling me how he got sick from the Red Dragon and he didn't even eat there! I then asked what he had to drink. He said a he had a Zombie. I said hmmm....your drink is called a Zombie, which is basically a pail of liquor and your perplexed as to why you became ill?
:rofl:

Never did go to the Red Dragon...may have to pay them a visit.

Speaking of Minneapolis dives, ever been to the CC Club?

in front of my friend's car outside of the CC. The funny thing is that when we left the CC her car was gone. It was towed. When I got the photos developed, we're beaming and waving, standing next to the NO PARKING sign. :silly: I use to hang at the CC quite a bit in my day, but I'm more of a Lyle's gal. It's much closer to the old house. Its funny, while I like the smoking ban (I'm a smoker too) places like the CC and Lyle's don't have the consistent stench of smoke to cover up how rank it really smells! :-) :hi:

Did you attend the vigil? I will forever kick myself for not bringing a camera to that. It was beautiful. Well, I'll forever kick myself for not bringing a camera to the Wellstone house party that I went to a week before his death. :cry:

Do you live in the cities? I'm an Uptown gal. :hi:

but in my younger days spent a great deal of time crawling the dives in Minneapolis.

My favorite all time bar was Duffy's. I hated it when they converted it to Norma Jean's.

I drive a display truck for NASCAR/NEXTEL - this one;

Inside are 2 racing simulators that are 3/4 scale NASCARs, virtual reality type simulators. They are unmistakably smaller than a real race car, even to the casual observer.
As we were tearing down at a display the other day, a woman walks up to the back door where she has a clear view of the cars and we had the following conversation:

Her) "What's going on here?
Me) We had a promotion for the Nextel store right there today
her) are those real race cars?
me) No Ma'am, they are 3/4 scale simulators that you sit in and drive.
her) You drive them in the parking lot?
me) No Ma'am, they are simulators
her) oh. Well, whos' car is that? (Pointing to the one nearest the door, the #8 Budweiser Chevy of Dale Earnhardt Jr.)
me) Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Her) Well why do you have it?
me) :::Turning away...rolling eyes, amazed at the dopiness:::

I just know the concept of a simulator simply didnt penetrate and she really and truly thought we had Dale's race car in the truck and he was gonna need it.

We have a name for people like that.
D.A.R.F
Dumb Ass Race Fan

I love it!

The ship was off the coast of Alaska, and the passengers were looking at the mountains. This woman approached the purser to ask him the following:

Woman: What's all that white stuff on top of the mountains?

Purser (keeping a straight face): Ma'am, that's the source of the entire world's supply of Styrofoam.

Woman: Really?!?

A couple of weeks or so later the purser was approached by the ship's captain, who said he'd received a very nice note from this passenger, who said she really appreciated learning where Styrofoam came from.

end up having enough money to blow on an Alaskan cruise? Makes ya wonder.

The Colorado styrofoam industry is very expansive as well. I should know, I ski, I mean work on their mining operations every year.

stuff like:

Does the crew sleep onboard?

What time is the midnight buffet?


etc..

:D