Reach deep into your souls & psyches...

I have a question.

I was wondering if there were any DUers who have ever benefited from nepotism, or the casting couch, or have otherwise gotten an award, a promotion, or some kind of opportunity that they full well know that they got because of a conflict of interest that went ignored, or, most likely rationalized.

This is something that has never happened to me, but I've been screwed by it, in my life, twice -- at points in my career that could have made a big difference.

Once was when I worked at the student newspaper. Every semester, all jobs were up for grabs. I applied for the news editor position, even though the editor's girlfriend was the news editor. Everyone knew I should have been the one to get the job. He, however, hired his girlfriend. He even tried to talk me into applying for the other top positions, basically with an "they're yours, if you want them," and then sent me some crap-ass rejection letter that spoke more to his guilty conscience, than anything.

Then, in grad school, a 23-year-old blonde sycophant nabbed the fellowship that most people, again, thought I should have gotten, by sleeping with one professor, and charming another impressionable one.

Another person that I know had her book chosen, in a supposedly anonymous contest, by the prof who helped her put together her book.

How did these girls, in all three cases, sleep at night? When you benefit from something like this, how do you rationalize it within yourself? It seems to me that all three of these people felt that they got the job/award, because they deserved it. It's like they were living in an alternate universe. How and why do the people who award these sycophants, bed buddies and lovers think that they can get away with it, without people knowing?

Has anyone else been screwed over by this shit, repeatedly? Has anyone here benefitted? Has anyone here used his or her position of power to bed someone, and rewarded them with grades, jobs, awards, etc.?

screwing?

It sucks.

But, like you, I'm one who tends to get the flipside of it, if anything. In fact, in the past I have excelled far beyond the rest of my peers that I was no longer their peer and when recognition was handed out I consistently was snubbed. No idea why, unless people above me felt I was too big for my britches or perhaps because I was such a solo act (always away working on weird and wonderful things and multitasking such that I did things none of my peers could) that many basically forgot I existed. Good thing I never did any of it for the recognition, though, for a while, I couldn't help but wonder if my constant exile to the edges of departmental celebration and honors was a conscious plot. It was so consistent...sure enough, if a report was published listing sources of funding, my successful bids would never be in there even though they were orders of magnitude larger than anyone else's. It really was very weird.

I can't give details, because of certain concerns I have, but the kind of thing I'm talking about is kind of like a kid building a working nuclear reactor for a science fair and the prizes and all the doting and raves going to kids who suffocated a grasshopper in a jar, made a volcano out of potting soil and a firecracker, and drew a picture of the sun. Perhaps I exaggerate here -- but only slightly -- for effect.

But I don't get no respect. Well, not then, anyway.

I guess I just don't understand. I know it's a cruel and unusually harsh world, in which we live, but you'd think that people would know better.

The sleeping-with-the-professor girl was particularly oblivious and ungrateful. One day, some of us were complaining about corruption in our field -- obvious examples of "the casting couch," and she said, kind of snottily, "well, the solution is that people should just do better work," -- full well knowing that it was no secret that she had conflicts of interest with two profs -- one "illicit." Can you imagine the gaul?

The girl who had the book published, when I asked her who the judge was, said, "Oh, I know, but I can't tell you -- it's supposed to be secret." (giggle, giggle).

Do these people feel good about themselves? Is the person of power brainwashing them to believe that they deserved it? I just wouldn't feel that good if somebody with whom I was in a close, personal relationship, gave me a highly competitive and ultimately subjective award. I would tell myself everything I could to rationalize it, but, for me, it wouldn't work. I think, for some people, it does -- and I was hoping to hear from someone like that. Maybe no one will respond, because most people tell themselves they deserve it.

people who benefit in such ways often have it backfire later...because of the nature of their successes, they're wide open not only to the usual booboos and things that might derail a person but have additional vulnerabilities. They also are likely not as competent as they may appear on paper and that could really hamper them -- of course, often people like that end up in mid-level jobs where you'd need a crowbar to remove them from power. It's too late, then, but sometimes justice is served -- karmically -- and perhaps it's just not obvous to the rest of us when it's visited upon them in other ways.

I wouldn't feel good about myself if that's how I got in to a position, or whatever...it's one thing to forge and use connections, but it's another to cross moral lines to cheat as a means for making it.

ended up working some kind of boring marketing job -- but maybe she likes it. As for the other two, if you google the girl with the book, there are several news stories and blog and message board postings that point out the potential unfairness of her win, and that will always be connected with her book, and the blonde sycophant is currently jetting off to exotic locales with her award, and cliquing around with the profs and their friends -- so, I don't know what's going to happen with that. She's definitely not incompetent, though -- I'm sure her star will continue to rise.

Some people in a highly competitive field will resort to almost anything to move on up, which includes sleeping one's way to the top. I've seen it in college all the time, in my work life too. They do think they deserve it. To them it's kill or be killed.

but, with others, I don't know if it's that conscious. I think that they kind of talk themselves into believing that it's OK, for one reason, or another. The person who has the power, who is deriving pleasure from the underling, can have a hard time refusing the underling, if said underling wants the award. The power person can, I think, quite literally be afraid to not give the underling the award, for all kinds of reasons. It can be the fault of the power person, as much as the person trying to sleep their way up the ladder. And, of course, there's the rationalization, which I think must have to take place at some ultra-jacked level -- it's obvious to everyone that it's a fraud. I think it's sometimes delusion, rather than outright "kill or be killed."

The means justify the end, or vice versa.

Such people make wonderful Republicans.

with folks who work like that? Not me. :shrug:

I'm certainly benefiting from nepotism right now and yes, I rationalize the hell out of it. My husband founded a non-profit business association for software architecture and I'm currently working for the company. However, I was volunteering my time for the past 6 months due to lack of funds and I bust my ass and receive far less pay than anyone else would given the work I'm doing.

I sleep peacefully at night because hiring me didn't screw someone else more deserving from getting the position. Obviously this is a little different from the original point of your post but it makes me laugh to think that I'm screwing my boss. ;)

More to the point, I can honestly say I have never abused my sexuality for personal gain and I can't understand how some people can. I do think certain situations have been easier for me because of my looks though. Talking about it makes me feel far more uncomfortable than actually experiencing it since there's no way to describe it without coming off as completely egotistical.

because of family conections ... don't feel bad about it ... someone had to get it, and I AM qualified for it, so why not me? ...:shrug:

where there are equals, competing for the same job, and someone uses seduction or sex to move up. Or people who are not as qualified get to move up, because of their personal relationship with someone.