Cheer me up, please!

I got into a major funk tonight (a long story, which I'll leave alone for now). I still need to get some work done, but have no desire to think about funerals, or Sunday's sermon.

Any topic would do, but I'd especially love it if you could make me laugh. :)

My sister-in-law's cat, Barley (better known as the older brother of The Wiley and Excellent Cat Named Ginger.)

Thanks! :hug:

Same cat, different expression:

I adore cats. They're so real.

Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke??"







:rofl:

Somehow, I fear that will soon be deleted. But, at least I've seen it. :)

(this should be uttered with the same awe usually reserved for major fireworks displays)

:7

My SIL's grandma lived in an apartment building with Newt's mother (in PA). At the time, her daughter Candace had come out, and it was quite the topic of conversation.

When someone asked her how she felt about that, she replied, "oh, it's even worse than I feared. She's a Democrat."

Uh, that's my brother's freeper inlaws. They love that story.

but it's my only joke.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb.



A: Two, but nobody knows how they got in there.


Badum-bum.

Please dispel any myth of how clergy behave. We're all deprived... it's just that some of us are more honest with ourselves. :)

Love the joke! :7

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb.


A: Just one, but it's going to take alot of time, and alot of money, and the lightbulb has to want to change.

Thanks, Clarkie. It's always good to see you!

but humor escapes me at times. I wish there was a way to help cheer you up. :)
I can make disgusting noises with my hands and belch a musical scale if I've had enough beer. ;-)

:)
Can you belch the alphabet? My brother could, once upon a time. Now his son is taking over as champion.

Although I can belch "Excuse me." Brings back memories of college belching contests. :rofl:

I may have to fart to reach the lower octaves. Just gimme plenty of baked beans. :)

edit: I'm really slipping on editing. LOL

Is that a college recipe?? :)

Brand new. College Backed beans. :rofl:

uh, forget it. I DON'T want to know. :scared:

It's extra pork fatBack in the beans. Yeah that's it. :)


:rofl:

From Boston Bake Bay.

:hi:

I know a couple of assholes up that way...

And now one of 'em's the new Dodgers' manager. :grr:

by changing your Hawkeye icon.
People should never change their icons. It's too confusing.

The middle years.

Last of the Mohicans?

the dude from MASH? Once he returned home?

I like the Tiger Hawk emblem.

:)

But I need one too :(

:grouphug:

:hug:

Twenty-two: One to hold the ladder, One to climb the ladder, Ten to form a committee to evaluate the effectiveness of the old light bulb, and Ten to form a committee for a pot-luck to welcome in the new light bulb.

:hug:

And notice that nowhere in that list is the lightbulb actually changed.

Buffy, for an atheist, you know my church well. :hug:

I knew from having been a member of Beliefnet that there were lighbulb jokes for every religion, as well as non-religions such as agnosticism and atheism.

I say it's 23 people.

And Rev, I hope you're feeling a little better this morning. :hug:

And here I was, worried about doing 6 verses of Amazing Grace tomorrow!

Thanks, jane. I am better... much better. :hug:

given the Methodists' love of belting out tunes. :D

I'm sending you something in a minute that I hope will make you smile!

:hug:

You're the best! :hug:
(But don't tell Big McLarge... he gets so jealous!)

Kitties....
AND a proposition that is hard to refuse! :loveya:

does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten.

One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.

One to blame the Clenis for burning out the light bulb.

One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness.

One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.

One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished."

One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time.

One to viciously smear #7.

One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along.

And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.



And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb.

:rofl:

How come I've never heard this before? :)

The perils of a litigious society:

:rofl:

"My son is a bishop," said the first one, "and when he walks into a room, everyone jumps up and says,'Your Grace.'"

"MY son is a cardinal," said the second one, "and when he walks into a room, everyone junps up and says, 'Your Eminence.'"

"Well, my son is seven feet tall," said the third one, "and when he walks into a room, everyone jumps up and says, 'My God!'"

A joke I can share with the congregation. :hi:

Thanks, Lydia.

:hi:

Hey Rev -

Been to googlism.com lately? If not, go. Type in your name, then hit enter. Guaranteed to make you giggle, at least a little.


:)

"Google does not know enough about RevCheesehead yet."

It's not like I was asking for a date. :shrug:

Type in just "Reverend."

Or just "Cheesehead."

I know both of them work because I already ran them on you. :7

Or type in just your first real name. Or last name.

It'll work, I promise. And it's fun, too.

Nawww...

THIS is funk!

What kind of people give cats a bath??

:rofl:

But his mouth is full.

A bad doggie, but still cute. :)

When Binx and Miss Coco are sleeping he always checks on them. And if Miss Coco has crawled under the covers, he'll stick his nose in and lift them till he can see her.

I have a Binky here. She's my sweetie. :loveya:

After being a stray, my Daughter named him after a cat on a TV show and it stuck. He's the most curious, talkative, weirdest little cat I have ever loved. All grey, ears batted down from fighting when he was a stray, has lost all of his teeth, but the best personality you could hope for.

:hug: :loveya:

I ran out of funny tonight!

Ah, at least there's always a tomorrow. :hug:

Thanks, KW. Simply seeing you here makes me smile. :)

My hormones just kicked in and I am feeling yucky!

...but not necessarily in a good way.

this one snuck up on me...

or is your inner child playing with matches again?

and I also have a visitor...

Bingo.
Not when I'm sick!! (Coughing provides unique challenges, dontcha know?)

Boy do I ever....

:grr:

A frog goes into a bank and hops up to the loan officer. The frog says,
"Hi, what's your name?"

The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack, can
I help you? "

The frog says, "Yeah, I'd like to borrow some money."

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. He says, "Okay, what's your name? "

The frog says, "Kermit Jagger. "

The loan officer says, "Really? Any relation to Mick Jagger?"

The frog says, "Yeah, he's my dad."

The loan officer says, "Okay, do you have any collateral?"

The frog hands the loan officer a pink ceramic elephant and says, "Will this do?"

The loan officer says, "I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager."

The frog says, "Tell him I said hi. He knows me."

The loan officer goes back to the manager
and says, "Excuse me. but there's this frog out here named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink
elephant. I'm not even sure what it is.

The bank mananger says, "IT'S A NICK-NACK PADDYWACK,
GIVE THE FROG A LOAN, HIS OLD MAN IS A ROLLING STONE."



:rofl: you never said it had to be good! ;-)

I hope you are feeling better :hug:

I am, thanks!

I awoke to an awful lot of good lovin' on this board.
I swear, DUers are the absolute BEST!!!

:hug: :loveya:

Lots of love out there, that is why the nasty ones spread the hate, it scares them. Watch the dynamics as the efforts to regain their footing intensify. :scared:

Hold firm to the love - it is true. :hug: :loveya:

Redstone

How cute!!

than a lot of dogs do. Comes running when you call her, puts up with being given a bath, "talks" back when Mrs R talks to her...

So, did it cheer you up?

Redstone

:bounce: <--- see? :)

He must bring a lot of joy into your life. Thanks for sharing one of those special moments with me!

most kids are. At least to me.)

Glad I could return the laugh you gave me the other night.

Redstone

Nice one, MrR. Your kiddo is adorable, and the chicken just adds to the effect ;)

Here I am at the tail end of your very funny, nice thread that is full of great jokes and lots of love....

And I am empty-handed.......no jokes, not even one.....

But lots of love for you! Hope you're feeling a whole lot better today...


:loveya: :hug: :loveya: :hug: :loveya: :hug: :loveya: :hug: :loveya:

Especially when you have so much love to share with everyone! :loveya:

I am better today. It's amazing what sleep can do.
(and slowly, my voice is coming back. I need it for a funeral tomorrow!)

:hug:

Blessings on you my dear Rev........Please take care of yourself!

There are so many here who need you, never mind your two congregations...

Yes, sleep is the great restorer, isn't it?

Reminds me of this little bit of Shakespeare:

"--the innocent sleep,

Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of care,

the death of each day's life, sore labour's bath, Balm of hurt minds,

great nature's second course, Chief nourisher in life's feast."

This is from Macbeth, Act II, Scene II.

I have always loved it.....and now it is yours to love as well......

:loveya: :hug:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4412498&mesg_id=4413352

The Lounge awaits your verdict. :)

Have a great day, my dear Rev.....I need to get out of here, and get going...

But I certainly did enjoy chatting with you this morning..... :loveya: :hug:

The walk by a bull in a pen. The sign says this bull made it 150
time last year.

Thw wife says, you could learn something from that bull.

The man says,





























Was it all with the same cow?

Here's the Unsynchronized Woohoo Chorus for you.

And the little Fishy guy is back! Hooray!! :)

I'm working on the unBalanced Bouncies.

Watch a screen near you.

:hi:

That is so cool!
Can you unsynchronize the bouncy guy, too? :bounce:

A PILOT you racist!

The whole congregation: One to actually replace it, and the rest to complain that they liked it better the old way.

They're supposed to be sugar cookies but my boys wouldn't wait for the dough to chill so they didn't roll and get cut out too well. :D

I thought I read a post about someone complaining about the use of the term "Holiday Giving Tree." It seems the word "tree" was offensive, so they replaced it with the bizarre "Holiday Giving Table."

Do your blobs look like tables?
Or are they Dr. Suess cookies?

on edit/link to the Holiday Tree story: (in the KOEB)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=315&topic_id=29271&mesg_id=29366

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb. Present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.