Does true love exist?

I thought I had it.
Same woman 17 years
I thought there was no way in hell she would ever consider straying.
Until i did a bad thing and listened to her astrology cds.
Turns out my devoted lady has a crush on a co-worker and would have probably kicked me to the curb if he liked her the same way.
So does true undying love exist?
Do you think your mate loves you completely?
Are you taking them for granted?
do you truly know them??
..
discuss

Nah.That's all about hormones and neurotransmitters so I don't bother to find love,true or not.

It's just a matter of what boundaries you are willing to employ.

yes.

I had it for a brief moment, but I'm absolutely certain that was it.

And now I have to find a different kind of love, I guess. And when I think about it, love is so much bigger than one person. As the person above me said, if you can love one person, you can love another person. It won't be the same, and it might not be a "one true love" deal, but you can still be pretty happy if you let yourself.

some just more so than others...

RL

Love is relative. I don't have any children, but I would say that the love parents have for their children would be considered "true love".

As for relationships, the word "love" is overused and under-defined. You can still love somebody but that doesn't mean that people aren't going to go out and screw other people. Love is love and commitment is something completely different.

In my opinion many people tend to "learn" how to love from too many books, movies and TV shows. A lot of people force loving someone until someone else comes along that they want to jump in bed with.

I guess "true love" does exists but it isn't something that is exclusive to one person.

I also believe as we grow as individuals sometimes our love for others changes.

I don't take anyones love for granted. At this time I don't have a mate who loves me completely.

I know my lady cares for me .
But she has never been with another man.
And i think she is dying to see what it is like.
She was mortified when I told her I listened to her cds and said as soon as she found out i knew her crush subsided and she realized what was important.
The thing is i am not 100 percent sure i believe her.
and that bothers me.
But on the other hand the heartbreak diet is working like a mutha Focker.
loosing wieght working out and I'll be damned if i am going to be kicked to the curb.
If anyone kicks its gonna be me

Don't rush to burn your bridges. Perhaps the two of you can rekindle the love you once shared. Perhaps your wife will see you in a different light now that you're almost gone.

17 years is a lot to kick to the curb

Was she really interested in him or just the idea.

Act carefully and without haste. Be good to yourself and to your wife. You've come too far together to stop trying if you both still care.

This is not a dress rehearsal, there are no do-overs in life.





:hug: good luck

as long as you aren't looking for it where it doesn't or mistaking infatuation for love.

People go through really weird and scary parts of their lives and they do things to soothe themselves that aren't always acceptable to their mates. I believe everyone deserves one big screw-up in a relationship without having to pay the ultimate price of divorce.

I believe my mate loves me completely.
I try not to take him for granted.
I know him as well as I know myself, with that said I have come accross some things about myself recently that were a bit surprising to me.

I forgave what happened and learned from it. I am all the much richer for it.

That she is human and humans do human things.
And i would be lying if i didnt have fantasys with other women Hell my nieghbors a hotty But i wouldn't in a million years act on it.
WOW i must be human to.
The funny thing is I could accept her having sex with another man once or twice If I knew it was just sex and no love involved because i think sex is sex and making love is making love.
But the rules are I get to do it also.And if she cant deal with that .Then have at it

when in a committed relationship is about the worst thing either party could do. The damage that betrayal causes is a long and hard road to come back from.

Sex binds people at a level that we aren't aware of so I would NEVER reccommend straying in committed partnerships. It does as much damage to the betrayer as it does to the betrayee. Different kinds of problems but problems none the less.

I don't blame you for feeling angry and hurt. That would be normal. Keep the lines of communication open and try to talk this out. She isn't meeting her own needs and by not telling you what she needs she is setting herself up to "fall". Don't fall with her, if you love her, don't do it. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I whole-heartedly agree with everything you've said.

GoPsUx, I'm very sorry for your pain and the uncertainty that it's caused.

I believe true love exists, but we are all human and we're prone to some flaws. It sucks. I'm in love right now, and I'm hoping it'll last. If not, I think I'm going to not be in a relationship for a long long long time.

but I also believe relationships take work and that love cannot be taken for granted. It's about clear communication and creating emotional intimacy. It's about being commited to something bigger than just your individual stuff, even when the shit hits the fan.

I am sorry you feel so hurt by your partner's apparent "crush on a co-worker", GoPsUx, but it doesn't sound as if she has taken any action on it and it's probably just a completly harmless thing. On the other hand, maybe there's more to it, if she's only been with you all these years and might be feeling more estranged from you for other, unspoken reasons. It is certainly worthy of more heartfelt discussion between the two of you. My two cents: look into some couples' counseling if you want to work through these delicate issues and re-establish trust.

In my opinion, the emotional investment of 17 yrs with her is worth any effort to save the relationship. Good luck and all the best to you both.

:hi:
Shine

I really mean not to place any blame oh her
Heck i totally took her for granted.
I really think we will be O.K.
But It will never be the same.
But it doesnt have to be the same ...same is what got us into this mess.
We will be fine.
Maybe i shouldnt post after burning a hooter :)

:rofl: Yeah, "burning a hooter" might slightly effect one's perception towards one's relationship. LOL

You're gonna be fine. You will rise above.

No, it might not be the same, but Change is Good.

:hug:

>I am sorry you feel so hurt by your partner's apparent "crush on a co-worker", GoPsUx, but it doesn't sound as if she has taken any action on it and it's probably just a completly harmless thing.<

We've been married almost 13 years. DH is encouraged to talk about women he thinks are attractive. I don't get mad, I don't get jealous, I'm curious to know why. He knows that I have a massive crush ;-), and thinks it's funny. He also knows I would NEVER act on it. I didn't tell him to be manipulative. I told him to be honest. At the same time, it's sparked some interesting conversation at our house.

Your beautiful wife didn't act on her feelings. This is not worth flushing 17 years of marriage, in my opinion. Ask her why.

IMHO, YMMV.
Julie

It's perfectly normal to be attracted to other people, but I would NEVER take action on those attractions.

It reminds me of that saying: "You can look at the menu, just don't order anything"....or something like that.

:hi:

It exists between lovers, between parent and child, between siblings, between best friends.

The best thing is you're never too old to find it, or experience it, or give it.

The biggest mistake people make I think, is is trying to say that only one person is their true love. In fact, there are plenty of people who walk the earth that you have the potential for that connection with. Your only job, if you can call it that, is to find those people.

If it's the Cinderella, happily ever after, version, I'd have to say no. If it means sticking with someone through the good and bad times and working together to make the relationship work, I'd have to say yes. Hubby and I have been together over 20 yrs now (we celebrate our 20th in March) and I have to admit it hasn't always been good, financial problems, family problems, struggling with infertility, job stresses etc. The bottom line is that we view ourselves as a team. We try to work on things together, even though sometimes we work against each other.

I have to say that I truly know my husband (warts and all) and he truly knows me (warts and all). I don't love everything about him and I know I do things that drive him nuts. Sometimes he takes me for granted, sometime I take him for granted. Bottom line is that we made a commitment 20 years ago and we're sticking with it. He's my best friend and I still love him. To me that is true love.

Love takes a lot of work.

As to your problem with your wife: I was playing a role playing game for quite a while. And chatted a lot with a co-player (we were a couple in that game); I acted out love in the play and had - real life - a crash for that co-player. I had all kinds of romantic ideas... my SO was quite jealous at the time and rightly so. On the other hand I was acting out with both the player and the guy he played only what was missing in my real life. I would not ever have dreamed of meeting the guy in person and acting out my dreams real life.
And your wife probably didn't, either.

By the way: When I told my therapist that my SO was jealous of the game, she said "He's right, but he should also ask himself WHY you're doing that."

-------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

"Love" is a crap shoot.

Long term tolerance is a much better windmill to go after...

Love!

In the mostly happy lifetime relationship sense? Sure, it happens all the time.

So does true undying love exist?
Yes. If it didn't, I wouldn't have any friends for life.

Do you think your mate loves you completely?
Yes. Does that mean he thinks I'm perfect? No, of course not. He loves me completely, but he's not stupid.

Are you taking them for granted?
No, I don't think so. I try to live without expectation.

do you truly know them??
Probably not, but that's OK with me.

i know that i'm capable of love, so I know it exists. whether you trust your partner or not is a differnt issue.

But, yes, it would seem so.... :loveya:

Is THAT why you've been dancing around here so much lately?




What a lucky lady.

I hope she realizes her good fortune and takes really, REALLY good care of you. :loveya: :hug: :loveya:

My secret, I mean. :D

Though I think she got the short end of the stick (hey, that's not an innuendo!), because I'm the really lucky one. I think she'll take good care of me, once I train her to fetch my slippers and always have supper on the table when I come home from...from...from delusions brought on my watching Pleasantville ("Where's my dinner?").

:hug:

Nudgenudge...winkwink...saynomore...


:loveya:

However, I believe that in order to properly recognize true love when you have it, you have to be very comfortable with yourself. You have to be completely aware of what works for you and what doesn't, what your real wants and desires are, and what you really can't live with or without.

When I was younger, I thought that I had found true love. I know now that I was too inexperienced to really know what true love was.

I believe that in order to find true love, you have to first date a lot of people, do a lot of self-examination, break some hearts and get your heart broken.

Now that I have done all of those things, I know that I have indeed found my true love. Even when she is describing catheterization processes while I'm trying to watch the game. :D

Good luck to you. :thumbsup:

it's an illusion. it feels great and is all sweet and such, but it's an illusion.

"love" is chemical

there's liking someone

there's attraction

there's lust

there's reciprocation

there's loyalty

there's fear

there's comfort

there's habit

"love" is just a confluence of some of these

when the above stop or get replaced in the life of the other, it's over.

then the illusion of "love" vanishes like a small silent fart, unnoticed except for the lingering air of corruption that makes one want to leave the room

:(

actually, I'm a romantic, but I enjoy playing a cynic in the Lounge

If it is, then yes, it exists.

It's like having ten bucks and trying to buy a product. If you can get something better for that same ten bucks, you'll buy that instead. You are only as "safe" with someone as that someone's options allow. That is how it has been for me, pretty much.