Ladies.... if he's married - with or without kids

- You aren't the most important person in his life.
- If the marriage was that bad he'd move out and get a divorce
- Do not give him money to help him buy Christmas gifts for his family. His wife isn't bleeding him dry. You will most likely buy her the gifts for him.
- He's with his wife and family during the holidays because that's his choice.
- There's a reason why you only get an hour or two at a time.. you are being used for sex only.
- Quit saying his cell phone battery must be dead - he's turned it off because he's with his wife.
- Do not feel cheated on when he finds the next piece of ass on the side. If he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on you.


If you want to be the other woman go ahead.. there's nothing any of us can say to convince you you're being used - but for the love of GOD admit that's all it is and quit whining that the wife keeps monopolizing his time.


:banghead: It's so hard to be patient with dumb people sometimes.

:shrug: Not to name names or anything, I just find it strange that someone here would be that stupid.

But, what do I know?

she's such a dumbass it's ridiculous.

If anyone here is that stupid they're idiots too :D

:P

I can't imagine doing something like that. If I found out a guy I liked/loved was married, I'd kick him out faster than you can say "G-Spot"!

I gave my opinion once.. she doesn't want to hear it from me again, but I do hear her with others. It's really sad when people don't think they don't deserve better.

:(

wouldn't be in the game.

I have little pity for people like that.

shit like that.

It's really sad it's affecting her job too. geezzz

To paraphrase Tennesse Foghorn, IIRC, what a maroon.

I don't know what it will take for her to see this isn't healthy for her.


:(

therapy and drugs.

Maybe both.

And a European vaccation.

I can see being duped for a bit, but months later.. no.

She (whoever the she is) didn't read the guide for the other woman.

Silly girl!

Wait until the divorce. I fell for it once when I was young and I'll never repeat that mistake again.

uh huh :eyes:


But why does he have to spend all his time with her too? :shrug:

They just don't want to hear the truth.

bit. And spending time together was because of their child.
I was naive and trusting. Never again.

:D

Really! For years.

Tried for divorce -- filed and everything -- but...long story...

About time to give it another shot, though, methinks, in another state.

for nearly 15 years. One lives in Florida, one lives in Alaska. Far, far away from each other.

the case I'm talking about.. the wife thinks her marriage is fine and dandy. Well, if she knows she's playing stupid.

or that they prefer the security/money angle.

But :puke: who would want to lie to themselves like that for so long?

edti: smilie

and not exactly a big fan of the marriage concept these days. Like I just told someone rather close to me, 'indentured matrimony' pretty much describes my situation.

But, yeah, I'm betting I can take care of it -- once and for all -- by filing anew in my new home state. It hasn't been a priority this past year because (i) other, more urgent priorities demanded attention and (ii) it wasn't like I was about to rush off to marry again or even to start a new relationship of any kind. That is going to change, inevitably. I have been a very good boy, though, even though at this point my marathon spell of celibacy has taken on its own inertia such that I turn down even the most in-my-face offers...that, too, is going to change. So it's time to get on with it again...

The stupid thing is that I haven't, for many years, felt married and I've been functionally single, in every way, for at least two years now and yet I can't rid myself of that legal definition hung around my neck by a piece of paper that's proven hard to tear up. I'm increasingly incredulous that we have established a cultural tradition of not only begging state permission to marry but having to jump through many (often expensive, sometimes debilitatingly so) governmental hoops to end the f***ing thing. It's crazy.

When I got my divorce, I was asked at every turn by well-meaning, but way-too-earnest legal professionals "Is there no way you're going to Reconcile?"

Not only No, but HELL NO! Get me out of this mess! I wouldn't be talking to you if I weren't serious as a heart attack. I resented the implication that I somehow didn't quite know what I was doing.

I think it should be harder to get married and easier to divorce. We have it backwards in this country.

Course, the day I filed for divorce was the day I left for Emerald Isle to be a bridesmaid in my niece's wedding. :rofl:

who do reconcile, and waste a ton of money doing it.

I don't get it.

They don't take the time to think about what they really want and instead act on their first gut instincts.

are not sure!

Silly.

"I think it should be harder to get married and easier to divorce. We have it backwards in this country."

That's why I insist on pre-marital counseling with all couples who come to be married. And if they're not willing to invest the time in that, it tells me something about that relationship.

It's almost as easy to get married as it is to become a parent. :eyes:

"It's almost as easy to get married as it is to become a parent"

"One Divorce And A Wedding" :D

I'm glad you got free, though and, yeah, given how difficult filing is, you'd think that not a lot of people do it on a whim (I mean, outside Hollywood and the JLo-Britney Axis Of Airheadedness).

I think you nailed it, perfectly: marriage should be the harder thing to enter and divorce should be simple...if that were the case, I doubt the divorce rate in this country would be 50-60%, or whatever it is nowadays.

:rofl:

Just a little too much of the emotional extreme at either end. :D I drank.... copiously, and OFTEN! :D And I seem to remember a bowl in there somewhere too. :crazy:

I woke up in the bed that was not assigned to me. :blush:

edit: I definitely recommend Divorce. It feels a whole LOT better than where you are. :hug:

:o

I mean...your goodness!

Perhaps, on that glorious day when The Man has freed me of the shackles of wrongful matrimony, I'd better shackle myself right up again in my room for a week's monastic cool-down.

Or not. :-)

I didn't lose control THAT MUCH... and I remember ....most things.... but it was not one of my better moments. :D

:D

You deserved a break today, that day, anyway. :hug:

but then it was really bad..... I thought "shit, now I know what people have drug habits!" :o

But I paid for the lawyer and everything, so he couldn't do much.

She can't make you stay married to her. Many divorces are contested with respect to who gets the good china and what about child visitation, but some are contested because one party wants a divorce and the other doesn't. So you want it over, but she doesn't, and she won't give you that last signature. Tell the judge and proceed anyway. No judge in the world is going to make you stay married if you really don't want to. Some might require counseling or whatever first, especially if the couple is young, but that's just another step in the process.

I mean, if I can even still complete it in that jurisdiction. That part kind of freaks me out, especially because I thought I was (and should have been) cruising to a happy conclusion to the whole adventure without a court appearance and with having filled out and filed the intimidating (to me) paperwork all by myself. But, yes, if I can do it, it'd be worth it. I'd rather be on amicable terms with her, if I can, but more than that I'd rather be officially free.

Counseling would be a total waste of time and I'd hold my breath until whoever was mandating it gave in. I finally bowed to pressure and had a cursory go at it, way back when the split became explicitly apparent, but it was already a forgone conclusion: to be fair (maybe it'd help others), she lied through her teeth to the counselor, which seemed to be absolutely contrary to the whole point of it all, and I was terminally not open to the idea of reconciliation.

...you'll have to make a court appearance at some point to get a divorce, even if you hire an attorney. (Nevada might be different, I understand that both marriages and divorces are easier to obtain there.) But you shouldn't let that fact intimidate you. You surely won't be the first person representing himself or herself in this situation, and judges are required by law to make court processes as simple and straightforward for pro se parties as for those with attorneys. If there is nothing to contest, as it sounds like it would be in your case, the court appearance should be minimal, and the judge will probably just ask you to confirm - on the record so that it becomes evidence - the essence of what you've already submitted in the paperwork. There should be no surprises from the court, and courts also usually go out of their way to keep the process from becoming unnecessarily embarrassing for anyone.

I believe they could require you to appear before a judge -- usually very brief and no big deal -- but I don't think it was a common occurence. All of my forms had "in pro per" written on them (by me)...I was so proud of myself for actually navigatimg myway through the least user-friendly documents in the universe, though I did have some help. I was amazed, totally stunned, by the number of divorces filed while I stood in line at the Los Angeles Superior (I think) Court...staggering, all those unions coming to an end.

I feel better now, anyway. :hug:

divorces, and only one appearance for single filer, non-contested divorces. It's fairly easy to get divorced after long separation, especially if the non-filing partner does not live in state and it's really easy if you don't know where zie is - just publish the intent to divorce in 3 papers of record for 1 week each in places zie is likely to see it, and bring the receipts to court.

Your state may vary, but probably not much. If you've been long separated, there's little chance a judge will award any financial bit, especially if there are no children. (Kids complicate everything.)

One court appearance is not painful - most judges deal with them all the time.

Though I have to look into whether I can still complete the filing in my old state or start over here. Here, perhaps her being out of state and my having a separate address and residencey for so long might help.

Thanks! :hi:

but most of the time they are lying. And they seem to use the line on young girls who would never suspect that they are lying to them.

:-)

Unproudly celibate, for way too long, so no danger to young girls.

Besides, the immediate impetus for my filing for divorce (it was a chronically ill marriage that should have ended long before, anyway) was, indeed, infidelity...but not mine.

And that's all I have to say about that... :-)

No. Sorry...got it backwards.

Then it's twice as bad.




Unless it isn't, I guess. This stuff gets complicated.

they're all cheatin liars. :D

I don't get why people get married and/or stay married if they have to find someting on the side.

If the spouse of the one playing around expects their partner to be monogamous, then the cheating partner needs to end the marraige. If the marriage is open and they don't care that's a different story. BUT that is a joke to me too. If you need to play then the marriage is a joke.

What the hell kind of freak needs to be "the most important person" in someone's life?

Anyone who would allow themselves to be the 3rd wheel has issues to begin with so her wanting to believe she's as important to him as he is to her makes sense in her mind.


I agree with you.. it's not healthy.

I don't think that amount of neediness is healthy even in a monogamous relationship. If someone thinks that then they are bound to consider their very own offsprings as rivals.

If he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you. :shrug:

Lots o' truth in your post, though. Still amazing to me that there are women with so little self-respect as to allow themselves to get into that situation.

Though who am I to judge?

Redstone

I've done some dumb stuff but never let someone fool me that bad.

There are so many people - men and women - who lack that self respect to expect to be treated well.

A bit of self-respect goes a long way, yes?

Redstone

Juet sayin'

I feel bad for your friend, because this guy is feeding her BS obviously--but she must be so in need of affection that she's buying it.

If the wife finds out, D-Day, as it is called--she is going to be dropped like a bad habit and will spend many days crying, trying to reach him, get called by the wife, get called by him saying whatever the wife says....

Tell her to go to the forums at http://www.gloryb.com . There's no telling people...I just feel bad for her. But maybe he'll be different.

When I see someone going off with someone who is attached, I get a big kick out of it. I mean, they're the "other woman", and they're helping to facilitate the betrayal of the other spouse/kids. When it happens to them, I laugh out loud.

Cheaters and people who support cheaters deserve to suffer. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

It's the only thing in the universe which makes me consider that there might be a "higher power".

and I had another something on the side, but Mr Married Dude was the one who couldn't deal with it.

Like, dude, you're married, quit stalking me!!!!!

:shrug: