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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 03:58 PM
Original message
Wanna read a poem by yours truly?!
Edited on Tue Dec-20-05 03:58 PM by MiniMandaRuth
Boredom struck today after doing my chores. SO, I wrote this. Now, remember, I am only about 14 years old so my poetry tends to be a little more for teenagers. If you're a college level poetry-teacher type person, you'll probably hate it... But if you like it, give me some constructive criticism. I want to become a poet someday...


A World


Clouds so thick you can walk on them,
Cars flying in the sky,
Monsters winking, Owls thinking,
I still believe in this world, can you try?

Dragons in the sky so blue,
Heros with their hearts so true,
Princess's sitting on rainbow wings,
Candy making every thing.

Brooks sparkling in the sun,
Everyday is so much fun,
The sun never ceases to shine,
And this little world is all mine.

A bird in the sky,
As blue as it can be,
Red little apples,
In orange trees.

Angels singing on golden harps,
Trees made from shiny tarps,
Grass made from emeralds true,
I love this land, what about you?

Unicorns with pearly horns,
Red roses with no thorns,
Miles and miles of backward trails,
And marshes filled with cat-o-nine tails.

In this land, all joy can be,
Mermaids come to swim with me,
I sing and dance with fairies real,
One in red, one in teal.

Time means nothing here,
You can be old and feel like only a year,
Days are bright, and so is night,
Stars and moon shining with light.

I believe in this world,
No matter how old I will be,
So memory,
Give my imagination back to me.
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ET Awful Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 04:10 PM
Response to Original message
1. Keep it up. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
That's the only criticism I can give, because real poetry is in the heart of the poet, not in other people's interpretation of their work.
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Thank you!
:hug: :hug:

And, might I ask if the kitties in your sig are yours? They're beautiful! Especially the one on the right, the short haired kitty. I used to have a cat just like that. Little scamp.
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ET Awful Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 04:20 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Yes they're mine
The Fluffy dude on the left is Quinn, the short-haired beauty on the left is Althea. Quinn is the rambunctious one and Althea is the lover. She likes nothing more than to just climb under the covers and curl up in the small of my back and fall asleep purring :P

They're very cool kitties :)
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:09 PM
Response to Original message
4. Kick
:kick:
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bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:13 PM
Response to Original message
5. Very good.
Keep on writing.
:hi:
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:25 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. Thanks!
:hi:
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:16 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'd love to hear that set to music!
Fourteen? Poetic at 14??
Damn, I was just pathetic at 14.

Thanks for sharing, MMR! I liked it. :)
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:28 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. Thanks, Cheesy!
You weren't pathetic at fourteen, you just had an unappreciated talent.
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 07:04 PM
Response to Reply #8
14. You're right.
I didn't appreciate myself at that age.

I was someone who hid behind her music. But I hated being 14, never felt that I was attractive to the boys, and absolutely hated every moment of junior high. It's a tough age to be, with a lot going on, lots of hormones, and lots of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual changes to deal with. But I survived.

I'm amazed at your level of maturity, as well as your participation on DU. I can already predict that you will go far in life. Just follow your own dreams, and don't be worried about what others think. Be happy.

:hug:
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RetroLounge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:34 PM
Response to Original message
9. Thanks for posting this
Keep up the writing! And read everything you can, many other poets.

Look for the music in words.

Check out my Daily Poem thread. I post a different poem everyday. I keep finding such amazing poems out there...

:hi:

RL
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:50 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. I have checked out your threads.






(Do you think you could pimp mine?)
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RetroLounge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:55 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. I try to avoid pimping these days
:rofl:

RL
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 06:57 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. You know what I mean...
;)
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Goblinmonger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
13. As a high school poetry-teacher type
You have a great start on a difficult talent.

And let me repeat Retro's advice: Read. Read all you can. Read poets you don't like. Read poems that are not your style.

Explore different poetic devices. See how they fit you.

And keep writing. Nice job.

:applause:
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MiniMandaRuth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-20-05 11:33 PM
Response to Original message
15. kick.
Like the great Tolkien once said,

"I am as susceptible to flattery as a dragon." Reply, dammit!
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