CritterKwanza!!! a Christmas rant...

:sarcasm: is on.


"Christmas" is under attack in America!(at least according to wack job loofa lover extraordinaire Bill O'Lielly). To not suffer any casualties of war we have decided to eschew traditional pagan values & go straight for the goods-Announcing "Critterkwanza!"

This long held sect of humanity firmly believes in the magical healing & mysticysim of cuddly yet crafted critters!.Yet in doing so I believe I have uncovered a dark & nefarious PLOT! Seemingly innocent objects of our desires had turned on us!
As if we did not have enough of this terrorist plot thing going already.

We opened a few presents but it was soon evident someone had plotted. Once the infiltration had started it was impossible to stop. Wave after wave of cheerfull furry critters(all crafted in CHINA!!^%#-Open your EYES sheeple!!). All impossibly cute but they were all horribly lacking...In the lacking was thier evil & dark purpose-exposed as a pink underbelly to the light-THEY ALL NEEDED BATTERIES!!!

Digging through drawers produced a mixed batch of half dead(live?) batteries...Soon the critters were pathetically begging for more!!!
Most stores were closed so I wandered the streets.Lampshades brought depth to the shadows as I drove through the rain. Store after store was closed & I needed juice!. Critter mania held me through four mini marts-all drained of this vital resource for any exorbidant sum they could face the consumer with. We had no choice & THEY KNEW IT!!

So on I drove-not a mad man yet a man possesed by the need for C & D & the dreaded TRIPLE A!!... A shady merchant no doubt on some terror watch list showed me his remaining stock of this oh so precious commodity. I was stuck & he knew it. I paid the man & bade it as my own ignorance. NEVER BUY TOYS WITHOUT GETTING BATTERIES DUMMY!@!