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The Oscars could be a 5 minute brilliant show...short and relevant

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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:12 PM
Original message
The Oscars could be a 5 minute brilliant show...short and relevant
Edited on Tue Mar-07-06 03:12 PM by Rabrrrrrr
Open with the theme song, camera zoom into the president of the academy at his desk who then reads off the list of the winners, then set Joan Rivers on fire, watch her burn for a minute, and go to the closing music and credits, and no show has to be bumped.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:12 PM
Response to Original message
1. Well, I like the part about Joan Rivers
The rest sounds boring - I'd have to use that time to get another beer out of the frig.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:15 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Okay, how about this - this way, everyone's entertained
We burn Joan Rivers in the office with the president, so that while he's reading, the people who don't give a shit can at least watching something entertaining; and those who do give a shit, get to hear the winners.

All the viewers win, and we've just shortened the damn thing by one minute and increased Joan's burn time on screen by two minutes.
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SoCalDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:15 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Is she still alive??
I must not watch the channel she infects:)

Your idea actually has some merits...

How about a show with just the winners...and them having more than 45 seconds so they could schmooze on camera showing outtakes and show clips of the movies to get people interested in going to see them :)
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:19 PM
Response to Original message
4. Be sure to have a good ventilation system
Plastic is noxious when on fire
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:20 PM
Response to Original message
5. Gonna have to work Salma Hayek in there somewhere
it's the rule
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edbermac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:47 PM
Response to Original message
6. Better idea, just show 5 minutes of cleavage...
:evilgrin:
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 03:49 PM
Response to Original message
7. WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT
We must have at least 5-10 minutes of just this guy standing there on stage looking absolutely fabulous
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 06:04 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Okay, here's the new solution --
We do the five minute reading of the winners/burning of the Joan Rivers; followed by fifteen minutes of a split screen, the left side being Salma masturbating slowly, perhaps with an Oscar statue, perhaps with a shower head; and the right side being George Clooney standing around looking dapper and gorgeous. Then the last 10 minutes natalie portman and kirsten dunst join Salma, and Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp join George.

That makes the whole thing a half hour long, but I think that's okay.
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LynzM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 06:43 PM
Response to Reply #8
12. I would totally fucking watch that.
Damn :wow: Salma and Clooney and Depp? Drool.
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Inland Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
9. Rivers wouldn't light, given all her cosmetic surgery.
She might melt with enough heat.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 06:21 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. It might be more like setting a pile of tires on fire,
but still, it should produce a lot of smoke, anyway. :-)
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Dukkha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Mar-07-06 06:24 PM
Response to Original message
11. I like the Webbies rule
each winner is only allowed to say 5 words in their acceptance speech
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