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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:38 PM
Original message
What is the most important "people skill" you have learned?
I guess mine would be, "Think before you open your mouth"
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Ravenseye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:39 PM
Response to Original message
1. People like talking about themselves
Pretty much everyone is vain to a certain degree. If you want someone to like you, ask them questions about themselves. The more you have them talking, rather than listening, the more they'll probably like you afterwards. People don't want to listen to what you have to say, they want to tell you about themselves.
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johnnie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:41 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. That's true
You ever notice how the threads about "you" seem to get 3,000 posts or so?
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LynzM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-19-06 11:21 AM
Response to Reply #3
57. Bingo.
Any thread you end with a question about "what do you think" or "What's your ______" generally gets a lot of replies! :)
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:42 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. How true - "You should have heard him listen!"
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LibDemAlways Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 09:46 AM
Response to Reply #1
45. You nailed it.
Most of the people I know could tell you very little about me. But I could write their biographies with no difficulty.
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LaraMN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:41 PM
Response to Original message
2. Smiling.
Useful in far more situations than the obvious ones, a smile can be:

*friendly
*comforting
*snarky
*ominous
*flirtatious
*condemning
......
Endless possibilities with that particular "skill".
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JackBeck Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:43 PM
Response to Original message
5. When someone asks me a question, before I answer,
Edited on Fri Mar-17-06 02:52 PM by JackBeck
I repeat, sort of in a paraphrase way, the question back to them to make sure I'm about to answer the question I think they are asking me.
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:44 PM
Response to Original message
6. Empathy, without a doubt.
You can not always sympathize with someone, but you can always pause to consider and respect their situation. Pity our current administration appears to have missed this day in Kindergarten class.
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anarch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:48 PM
Response to Original message
7. people don't like it when you call them "stupid"
Also, I have learned to restrain myself from physical violence in most situations.
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SouthoftheBorderPaul Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:55 PM
Response to Reply #7
11. It's interesting you should say that.
Sounds obvious but that's a people skill I learned fairly last in life...okay, so maybe I was in my late teens/early 20s. Fact is no one likes to be told they're stupid (or ugly for that matter). I guess being a pretty judgemental person, I always thought if someone make a blantantly stupid remark, they deserved to be told about it. Maybe so, but tread lightly.
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:48 PM
Response to Original message
8. People like crap
not taking it, buying it
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Strong Atheist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:50 PM
Response to Original message
9. That is a long, hard, slog. As an introvert (with maybe some other issues
:evilfrown: ) I have been slowly getting better all my life...

Now if I could just live a few thousand years more, I might get there...
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Oeditpus Rex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:53 PM
Response to Original message
10. Two, really
But they sorta go together.

1. Humor often turneth away wrath.

2. If humor doesn't work, respect usually will.
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petronius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 02:57 PM
Response to Original message
12. That all people are plotting against me...
I must play nice, but strike hard when the moment arises!
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 03:00 PM
Response to Original message
13. It's not gay if your balls don't touch
Not really a people skill but I heard that again yesterday and have been loooking for somewhere to post it.....maybe I should have heeded your advice
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:35 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. No, that's brilliant, thanks for posting it. Wish I had used it years ago.
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everythingsxen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 03:01 PM
Response to Original message
14. One of the most important to me is...
"Predator's glare" : It's that look you give people that conveys several pieces of information, mostly that you are not afraid to die, that you are stronger than them and you will kill them and feel nothing about it.

As a general rule, that look has avoided me more fights than I can count. Most other predators will not fight you if they think you are a predator too. It's also awesome for intimidating people. (I sometimes need to do that in my work)
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:44 PM
Response to Reply #14
21. I have used that on my irritating neighbor, and he has avoided me since.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 03:12 PM
Response to Original message
15. I don't tell the useless bastards I fucking hate them, and I don't swear.
That's pretty polite, yes?

Redstone
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Syncronaut Seven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 07:32 AM
Response to Reply #15
39. I was thinking of something profound to say.
But you summarized it nicely. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
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Ron Mexico Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 10:33 PM
Response to Reply #15
50. LOL
I also stopped swearing because so many fucking assholes were pissing me right the fuck off.
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CBGLuthier Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 03:16 PM
Response to Original message
16. How to fake eye contact
By looking at people's foreheads in those rare times that eye contact seems to be required.
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ghostsofgiants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:37 PM
Response to Original message
18. Not killing them.
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skygazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:38 PM
Response to Original message
19. How to listen
and when to shut up.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:41 PM
Response to Original message
20. Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.
Stupid Covey crap worked for me, somewhat.
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Dangerously Amused Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:00 PM
Response to Reply #20
25. People don't care how much you know



...until they know how much you care.



The same premise. Very true, however.
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:45 PM
Response to Original message
22. Smiling. Eye contact.
I realize this is more than one, but I went to a seminar once at which the speaker told the group, "People will tell you the truth about themselves. Listen carefully." When someone tells me that he or she is a jerk, they're not nice, or gives examples as to how they ripped someone off financially or emotionally, that is my cue to make sure I don't put a lot of energy into that relationship.

This also worked well while I was dating...

Julie
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OhioBlue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 05:54 PM
Response to Original message
23. for me it is a smile
Smile when you greet someone -
I don't have the best "people skills" I usually speak before I think, speak my mind too quickly, etc. But, when I greet someone, I smile and that usually makes them either smile too or feel more welcome to a group or conversation. I actually had a boss grill me one time at work b/c I was miserable at work and started greeting her with a "heeeyyy... gooood morning" in a depressed sort of way. I actually got in trouble for not smiling any more.
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Shine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 06:29 PM
Response to Original message
24. Be interested, NOT interesting.
:)
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Orsino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
26. Sincerity.
Once you learn to fake that, you've got it made. :+
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tjwash Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:18 PM
Response to Original message
27. I HAVE VALUABLE PEOPLE SKILLS!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??






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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 07:54 AM
Response to Reply #27
41. "Actually, you can just call me Mike."
:-)
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LeftyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:21 PM
Response to Original message
28. Squeeze the trigger slowly. nt
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blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:22 PM
Response to Original message
29. When to just back away from the duckie (in other words, leave them
to themselves).

It comes in very handy when I'm in GD, GD/P, and LBN.
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tjwash Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:24 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. I don't know why, but that just made me crack up.
Maybe it's because people are wound up a little tight over there sometimes...
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blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 07:27 PM
Response to Reply #30
31. The phrase came from my sister, who uses it to talk about
someone being annoying with their cell phone.

She got it from Sesame Street or some Muppets thing, if I remember correctly.
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laheina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 11:31 PM
Response to Reply #29
33. Sometimes, it is best to just ignore the weenies. nt
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 07:52 AM
Response to Reply #33
40. I could never do that...

Oh, you mean the arrogant snots - whoops! :rofl:
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laheina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 09:47 PM
Response to Reply #40
49. HypnoToad!!
You are naughty. :P

:toast:
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Hand Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 11:27 PM
Response to Original message
32. The left hook. nt
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swag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 11:49 PM
Response to Original message
34. Avoidance
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havocmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-17-06 11:51 PM
Response to Original message
35. If you have gas, stand by a geezer
and look tolerant
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Nevernose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 12:53 AM
Response to Original message
36. Don't be an asshole. Shut the hell up. Do unto others.
I, apparently, am capable of performing any two of those three actions.
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alittlelark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 01:05 AM
Response to Original message
37. Innocent smiling eyes. 'Interest' in the inane.
It would take pages and pages to explain from that point.
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veganred Donating Member (90 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 04:27 AM
Response to Original message
38. listening or
pretending to.....:boring:

(only to those to talk a lot of nothing all of the time)
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riona Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 08:16 AM
Response to Original message
42. some people will never get it
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 09:32 AM
Response to Original message
43. It's not about you, it's about them.
Edited on Sat Mar-18-06 09:33 AM by tjdee
However people treat you, it's about their worldview and their experience, not yours. People don't think about you as much as you do. Saves me from getting into a lot of arguments/bad feelings. The saying "it's not you, it's me", while annoying, is absolutely true.

Also, "he's just not that into you". I wish I had learned that when I was a teenager. Someone who is interested will act interested.
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izzybeans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 09:43 AM
Response to Original message
44. When I was living in New Jersey I learned the importance of a well
Edited on Sat Mar-18-06 09:43 AM by izzybeans
placed "Go F yourself." That was a people skill I never had until now.

Seriously, thinking first is probably the best. I'll go with your's.
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Minnesota Libra Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 09:48 AM
Response to Original message
46. Walk a mile in their shoes before criticizing someone...but........
.....I'm just imperfect enough not to always remember that.:wtf:
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 11:26 AM
Response to Reply #46
47. Oh... I thought the second part was going to be "...use your own socks."
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 11:19 PM
Response to Reply #47
54. At least it wasn't "& don't use the socks worn by Red Hot Chili Peppers"
:wow:


:rofl:
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pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 11:35 AM
Response to Original message
48. how to make a fast getaway
people talk too much
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JackDragna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 10:37 PM
Response to Original message
51. People are worthless and not worth my time.
:)
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Celeborn Skywalker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 10:56 PM
Response to Original message
52. The art of bullshitting.
An unfortunate, but necessary, skill.
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Dem2theMax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 11:18 PM
Response to Original message
53. Learn to verbally disarm an opposing person.
Do it with kindness. Takes all the wind out of their sails.
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politicat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-18-06 11:51 PM
Response to Original message
55. Listen.
Most people prefer to talk, but if you listen, you get better information.
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achtung_circus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-19-06 12:09 AM
Response to Original message
56. Listening is good,
eye contact is good, the death stare is good, but the ability to know when someoine is lying probably beats them all.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the sons of bitches
I had to kill because they pissed me off.”
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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-19-06 11:38 AM
Response to Reply #56
58. I wish I'd thought of this one
>the ability to know when someoine is lying probably beats them all.<

Body language is our friend.

If anyone can prevent the wreckage that ensues as a result of trusting someone who's a habitual liar, they've saved themselves massive amounts of grief.

Julie
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leeroysphitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-19-06 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
59. Ignore as many of them as possible for as long as possible. (nt)
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GalleryGod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-19-06 02:50 PM
Response to Original message
60. LISTENing.
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-19-06 02:52 PM
Response to Original message
61. That people are really fucking dumb, so be clear and concise
when speaking - as deliberately unambiguous as possible - so that after they fuck it up and either get angry for no reason or otherwise do shit wrong, you can at least know internally that yes, you were clear, and no, what they heard is not what you said, and that yes, the problem is that they are really fucking dumb, not that you were unclear.
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