Why I hate The Gap (or, Fun with Spontaneously Assless Jeans at the Mall)

Five weeks ago I bought a pair of Gap Jeans for $38.50 with a gift certificate from my brother. Also included in the purchase were three tee shirts, one short sleeve, and two long-sleeve for a total of about $70. I should have known I was in for trouble when after a single wash (cold with hang dry) all three "XX Large" tee shirts are almost too small for Meg McLargehuge (She's 1). But I was really happy with the jeans, they fit well, and was in need of new pants as all my regular jeans have various wear holes and look raggedy. I have worn these jeans exactly four times and washed them three times.

I took the McLargehuges out for cheeseburgers today and wanted to look at graphics cards at Best Buy so we headed off to the Mall of New Hampshire in Manchester. During the meal at a chain restaurant named for a Rolling Stones song I escorted Ian McLargehuge to the bathroom. Upon my return to the booth and reseating I sat on Ian's foot. A few minutes later Ian dropped his lemonaide beside me on the seat. Luckily it didn't spill (they have kids cups).

As we left the restaurant and walked the entire mall I became aware that my ass cheeks felt wet. I assumed it was some residual lemonaide from Ian's cup. However I could detect no wetness. Strange, I thought, but decided that my mind was playing tricks upon me. As we approached the carousel in front of JC Penney I became aware of uproarious laughter behind me. In fact, I had noticed laughter during our entire trek from the restaurant to the carousel but passed it off as regular shoppers exhuberance.

As we arrived in JC Penny, Mrs. McLargehuge and Ian took the escalator to the second floor. I wheeled Meg's stroller to the elevator at the other end of the department store. It was at this time that the cool wet feeling seemed to spread across my entire posterior region. Again I checked for wetness and realized that my fingers rested not on wet fabric, but on completely bare skin.

The entire ass panel of my jeans had torn away and hung flapping behind my knees.

Lovely.

I wheeled the stroller into the elevator and hurried to the mens department of JC Penney to find a pair of replacement jeans, which cost $34 bucks. I have come to realize that keeping one's back to the entire shopping population of a major department store is impossible. No matter how I tried to conceal my bare cheeks, someone was always within line of sight.

I also learned that It is impossible to push a stroller using your ass cheeks in place of hands, which, had it worked would have protected the innocent eyes of the shoppers as I crossed the store AGAIN to reach the customer service desk. After running Meg into at least three displays of shirts I abandoned this plan to get to the customer service area and pay for the jeans I had hastily selected.

The clerk could barely contain her laughter as she paged Mrs. McLargehuge for me so she could stand with Meg while I slipped into the newly purchased jeans.

Better you than me, buddy, that's all I can say!

:rofl:

I'm so sorry it was at your expense!!:rofl:

LOL

You could have suddenly realized you had a gapless ass.

I read your story to MMjr, and he rolled around laughing on the couch.

This is almost as good as the Ryan's buffet story.

:rofl:

What do you think the Internet is for?

but I wanted to see what they had in stock and calculate price difference. Besides, the chances that they had a card I could use are slim to none, I am a Mac user, but it's a nice excuse to mess around in the computer section there.

Although I was mostly making fun of myself for finding that more shocking than the pants thing. ;)

don't be suprised if next weekend you see a bunch of teenagers walking around in assless jeans.

Seriously, I'm glad you can laugh at it now. :)

and show their age.

Man, what a bad day...

that particular pair of jeans.

but the actual fabric panel tore away but not at the seams. I tell you what, 8 year olds have no concept of quality control in a professional manufacturing environment.

:kick:

embarrassment. thats how i felt as i was giving birth and there were like 10 people in the room watching.

Damn dude, that royally sucked! Some nice person could tapped you on the shoulder before you made the whole trek thru the mall in assless pants!

What did you have in your back pockets, lead shot? :rofl:

Sorry, that had to suck :hug:

for making shitty clothes that fall apart brand new.

I've had some probs with Dockers but the sewing has given way more in front than in back and you don't realize it until after you've been schmoozing with people for awhile and notice a breeze where there shouldn't be one! You're right about the 8 year olds. Can't blame 'em though.

Fall INTO the Gap, not fall out of it.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

the acid in the lemonaide ate the fabric in the cheap jeans off your ass?

the fabric just ripped crosswise and vertically. I don't get it either, other than to say the cotton was obviously very, very cheap and thin.

damn, dude, that would make me severely paranoid

i think i would take it back and complain

hell, i have some jeans from high school, in other words, 30 years -- just wore a pair last week

jeans are supposed to do better than that

But does the fact that you felt bare ass mean you weren't wearing underwear? :hurts:

but so much of the pants were flapping it didn't matter. The ratio of undeware to bare skin was like 1/3.

That must have been horrible. Sorry.

I would ask the Mrs. though, why she hadn't said anything.


Strangely enough, the same thing happened to me two years ago, but the jeans weren't new. I tore them and didn't realize it and went all over town shopping for new curtains for my dining room. I didn't realize that the entire world had seen my big girl panties until I came home and used the bathroom.

Thank God I don't wear thongs.

Reminds me of one of the funniest Calvin and Hobbes ever - he rips his pants on the swingset and then the teacher calls him to the board. Finally Hobbes asks "and that's why you're home early."

You know, this never would have happened if you'd been carrying a towel like a properly prepared Hitchhiker. You should know where your towel is at all times. It's the most massively useful item a person can carry.

:D

I love that one.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
I'm sorry that happened ... but you sure have a funny way of telling it! I'll be checking the fabric REALLY closely before I slip my next pair of jeans on over the thong underwear!

:rofl:

As the ONLY woman on the construction site, I might add. I'm not sure how long the guys let me walk around with my little blue unmentionables hanging out but it was at least half the day - I didn't realize until I sat on the seat of the roller and stuck to it. :grr:

I asked one of the guys why they hadn't told me and he just grinned and admitted that they'd enjoyed it hugely and hadn't gotten a damn thing done all day (I'd spent much of the day bending over pounding in grade stakes).

As it was, they got to enjoy it for the rest of the day because I had nothing to change into. ~sigh~

pushing a stroller with butt cheeks--OMG! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

I had a similar incident with jeans from Target last year. It also happened at the mall, with two small children. I will never buy jeans from that place again.