Gritting my teeth around my teenager

So he (who is 16) wants the new edition of Marwin (sp?). So I told him if he wants me to buy it for him he has to clean the bathroom, vacuum the upstairs, and pick up some trash outside. We are talking about a $50 game here. Personally I think he's getting off pretty easy - it's all of 45 minutes of work, maybe 60 if he dawdles.

You would think I'd asked the kid to disembowel himself from all the moaning, huffing, and exasperation. It's not so far over the top that I feel the need to pitch a fit about it, but it's very annoying considering that the whole thing was his idea.

How do any of us survive adolescence without an adult killing us?

Raised six of us herself. By the time I (being the fourth of six) was about seventeen she was always muttering something about how nice it would be to send all adolescents to an island until they were 25 :)

I never had kids.

except when he has to, y'know, do stuff :)

we didn't ask for $50 games.

;)

Or games.

We played with dirt, sticks and bugs.

We used to dream of having sticks and bugs.

In my day, we would wake up at 5 AM, go to work at the mill for 16 hours, then go to bed without any supper.

at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a 'andful of 'ot gravel, work 20 hours a day at mill for tuppence a month, come 'ome, and dad would beat us around the 'ead and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

we only had the neighbor's septic tank. you sure you're not a 'pub?

Let me tell you sonny... let me tell you straight
You kids today ain't never had it rough
Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate
You lazy brats think nothing's good enough

Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees below
We had to walk buck naked through forty miles of snow
Worked in the coal mines twenty two hours a day for just half a cent
Had to sell me internal organs just to pay the rent

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot
There's something wrong with all you kids today
You just don't appreciate all the things you've got
We were hungry, broken and miserable and we liked it fine that way

There were seventy three of us living in a cardboard box
All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks
Every night for dinner, we had a big 'ol chunk of dirt
If we were really good, we didn't get dessert

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Didn't have no telephone, didn't have no FAX machine
All we had was a couple cans and a crummy piece of string
Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad
Our neighbor's septic tank was the closest thing we had
Didn't have no dental floss, had to use old rusty nails
Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails
Didn't have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass
Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass

What's the matter now, sonny, you say you don't believe this junk?
You think my story's wearin' kinda thin?
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk
Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline

My dad would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve
Then he'd get too tired and he'd make us whoop ourselves
Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain
And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

We had to get up at midnight, two hours before we went to bed, drink a cup of sulfuric acid, work 28 hours a day at mill for tuppence a year, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves singing hallelujia.

But if you tell kids today that, they wont believe you.

walking uphill both ways.

Poor guy ... you had it rough :)

when my Daughter in Law bought a $50 game for my grandson sigh

even the non-fancy ones are so expensive it'll make you faint. I kept muttering, "These are worth $40, tops."

Learned along the way that when asking for something to be done in return for providing a favor to the teen, ALWAYS add that it be done promptly and without bitching, or all deals are off.

He was also frequently told that the parent/child relationship is NOT a democracy. As the parent, I rule..case closed.

on edit: That's not to say that things can't be discussed and concessions made at times. However, I learned that there are some things that if not enforced once, it becomes almost impossible to enforce ever again.

Surprising how motivated or not son was in complying in regard to how badly he wanted the favor and/or item.

I will have to add that caveat next time. Good thinking!

Always good to pass along the secrets... shhhhh!

You're absolutely right. Parenting is NOT a democracy. I wish more parents exercised that notion.

I'd make him pay for it out of that. And he'd have to save for it too.

But I don't have teenagers yet. Best of luck regardless.

Here's the deal - lunch is no where what it used to cost. We give him $5 per day for lunch. That's already $25 per week that we must have available in cash. If you add an allowance of say $20, that's a $45 cash commitment each week and we don't always have that cash laying around. Better not to promise that which cannot be guaranteed.

I give $1 per week per year of age. It is much less painful for me, as my kids are only 7 and 8.

Would it be possible to have him take his lunch, and start giving him an allowance that he can choose to spend on what he wants? Make the sack lunch be the default position, and if he wants to buy his lunch he can take the money out of his allowance.

I realize that may be unreasonable, as he is 16 and already has his expectations. :) But now isn't the worst time in the world to teach him that you aren't a fountain of available money and he has to learn to live within his means.

(Not applicable to you, but I make my kids split their allowance three ways- 1/3 in spend now money, 1/3 in short term savings and 1/3 in long term savings. They can use their short term savings to save for items that I won't buy them - certain toys or clothes. They can combine their short term and spend now money if they want, but the long term is off limits until college.)

He just came downstairs to ask me to come see what a good job he did on the bathroom.

Houston, we've had an attitude shift.

damn, make him brown bag it. I'm 31 and I don't spend 5 bucks a day on lunch, except on special occasions. Tell him if he wants the game, then it's tuna sandwiches (which he can make, but you'll provide the fixins) until he's paid it off.

it really is a good habit to get into, bringing your lunch, when you think about it, you're spending $910/school year (based on 182 day year) if he packed his lunch (for an average cost of $2/day, that's a sandwich, soda, chips and fruit) for 4 of the 5 days a week, he'd save $12/week. that's a savings of almost $450/year. that's then a nice allowance. and he learns to save money for the rest of his life by bringing lunch, instead of buying it every day. (as an example, I have a friend who is a mortgage writer, the first thing he asks people is if they brown bag or buy lunch at work. he gives points for brown bagging, since it shows people are serious about saving money.)

voila! problem solved.

I'm not that cheap. But I appreciate the effort that went into that.

it's being frugal. Key difference. I do it because I save about 30 bucks a week brown bagging it, that's $120/month, or almost $1500/year, that's two rent payments, or a week's vacation in Europe. or, if you're really good, in a basic index fund, even with taxes, that's almost $20,000 after ten years. All for taking ten minutes a day to pack a lunch. not too shabby. put it in an IRA, after 20 years, you're looking at about $75,000. Start at the age of 22, do it regulary at the same rate, in an IRA, and you are looking at a half million extra dollars by the time you hit 62. or $775,000 by the age of 67. voila! nest egg. all for brown bagging it for 4 days a week.

yes, it's an issue I think is important for people to learn. it took me ten years of working to get it.

for an hour of help every week, especially considering how many of these special purchases I made over the years.

and now he does certain chores for no money and without argument just because he should help out. He does the dishes several times a week, does all the snow shoveling, and the lawn mowing.

He just thought I was asking a lot for "one little game".

an hour is hardly a lot for a $50 game... being as if he had to get a JOB to buy it himself, he'd have to work about 7 or so hours.

Only now he's 18 and does work for his dad, so that when he's back home with mom he can spend his own money, and helps her around the house. :7

Before he started working and spending his own money, my mom would have to get on him for an hour just to take the trash out and do some dishes. :) I think his attitude has kind of changed since he's working, he's 18, and he can have friends over when mom's not around.

If there is a next time. Emphasize that he is earning the money by saving you labor and aggravation. If he tries put put it back on you, he's reneging.

All that the eye-rolling, sighs and moans convey is a sense of entitlement--not something you want to encourage. He apparently isn't lacking for a computer; Morrowind: Oblivion, if that's the game, has some hefty minimum system requirements.

You're right, though. We all acted the way your son did at one point or another. When you don't have an allowance, well, you can always afford drama. B-)