Help me write this poem... - Democratic Underground

Skip Intro

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Thu Jun-01-06 09:30 PM
Original message

Help me write this poem...

Edited on Thu Jun-01-06 09:44 PM by Skip Intro

do I have anything here?

----

go toward the light
we're living in the days of mr. night

fight, it's your right
the underground is where to find your sight

-----

:shrug:

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kiraboo

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Thu Jun-01-06 09:39 PM
Response to Original message

1. You need an apostrophe in your "its".

Okay, I know that's not what you meant. I'm not a very creative person. Don't give up!

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Skip Intro

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Thu Jun-01-06 09:44 PM
Response to Reply #1

2. thx

I don't even know if there's a poem to be written there, or what part that part would play.

It'll come to me.

or not.

:smoke:

Punctuation is important.

It really is.

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kiraboo

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Thu Jun-01-06 09:46 PM
Response to Reply #2

3. Important in most prose. Optional in poetry.

I used to try to write. Decided to leave it to the Mark Twains and Virginia Woolfs of the world.

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Spider Jerusalem

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Thu Jun-01-06 10:01 PM
Response to Original message

4. Well...I'm not so sure about the structure.

Never been a big fan of rhymed couplets, really, and to make them work you have to pay attention to metre (you have an uneven number of syllables in your alternating lines, and you're not using a standard metre, either).

This might help: http://newark.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Terms/foot.html

And here's a rhyming dictionary, which should help, too: http://www.rhymezone.com/

Alexander Pope is a good poet to read to see what I'm talking about re: couplets.

(Being a lazy sod, I've never written much metred, rhymed poetry--it's a lot more work than it looks to make it turn out properly. Free verse is easier, at least for me.)

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Skip Intro

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Thu Jun-01-06 10:10 PM
Response to Reply #4

5. question

Edited on Thu Jun-01-06 10:10 PM by Skip Intro

I understand what you're saying, but is there a reason why the rough few lines I wrote here couldn't be considered free verse?

the lines just came to me while I was doing laundry, and that's just how they came out, unrefined

thanks for the info and links!

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Spider Jerusalem

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Thu Jun-01-06 10:18 PM
Response to Reply #5

7. Well, free verse generally doesn't use regular rhyme OR metre.

Edited on Thu Jun-01-06 10:27 PM by Spider Jerusalem

In free verse one aims for a poetic effect through use of vivid imagery and sometimes through use of other techniques like alliteration.

Here's a good, short example of free verse:

'The Red Wheelbarrow' - William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

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RagingInMiami

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Thu Jun-01-06 10:15 PM
Response to Original message

6. "Am I right"

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